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Adopting as a Single Mom- My 2 Year Plan

Where do I start... I've always, for as long as I can remember wanted to be a wife and mother. I've always loved children and felt I had so much love to give. My dream of my "ideal life" was to be a wife and stay at home mom, complete with cute little house, white picket fence and tire swing in the front yard. Oh! and dog. Can't forget the family dog. I could see it in my mind, as clear as if I were looking at a picture. The image was filled with such warmth and love, peace and joy. It felt.. Complete.

I've always been somewhat of a "good girl". Good grades, rarely in trouble, never smoked, did drugs, drank or even kissed a boy until I was 24.. those traits in my personality just fit with who I knew inside I was and the life I knew I was meant to live. So imagine my anxiety and discontent when I reached 25, was still single, in a dead end job, living with a friend and no prospective husband on the horizon. I think I'm going to end up telling a little more of my history than I intended but it seems right to do a bit of a recap of how I ended up where I am now to better explain why I finally decided not only to adopt, but to do so as a single parent.

So I'll try to condense most of the history in as short a story as possible while still giving enough background to help you journey with me to reach where I am now. When I was 25 I met a guy online. He was the farthest from "my type" as possible. Crude, tattooed, heavyset, irresponsible, obnoxious.. I could go on and on lol. I never till the very end thought he was physically cute. What he did have going for him was an uncanny ability to read people, me in specific and realize that I was lonely and terrified of being that way forever. So we chatted online, on the phone, then met in person. One week from the day we met we moved in together. WHAT?!? Ya I know, my entire family thought I was crazy. The girl who had her first real kiss just the year before moved in with basically a complete stranger. It's amazing how much you can get to know someone (or think you do) on the phone. It's also amazing what you will let your heart and mind will convince yourself of when you're so desperately searching to find who you are and your purpose in life is.

So 3 years on an off of intense love, hate, abuse, lies, cheating, loving, laughing, crying, fighting, forgiving and many other events and emotions finally ended when I came to the conclusion that I had not found myself or my purpose in life in being with this man and had in fact lost the few precious things about myself that I cherished most. My dignity, strength, self-respect, confidence and love for myself and others. What hurt and confused me the most was that a very trusted friend and pastor - a Prophet gave me a Word from God that he, this man, was the One. The helpmate and partner God had chosen for me. We were destined to be together and would have a ministry that would reach hundreds, thousands of people for Christ. In once sentence I'm told, this is God's Word and it will not return void, and in the next I'm told that even though it's God's Word, God will never force anything on anyone and if he (the man) refused to follow God's path for his life than I was free from the Word I'd been given. Color me confused. Anyway, long story short, I decided I'd had enough. I ended it and have spent the last 4 years trying to again figure out who I am, and what my purpose in life is. During all of that one thing never faded, and that was my desire to be a mother.

Fast forward to October 2007. I occasionally visit the local Salvation Army looking for interesting books to read. I love knowledge, I love to read, to learn, to grow! So I found this book called Conversations with God - an Uncommon Dialogue by Neale Donald Walsch. I read it and was absolutely blown away. It's a 3 book series and I HIGHLY recommend it to anyone and everyone! There have always been things about God and life that the church taught that never quite "fit" with what I knew of God in my heart. These books clarified so much of that. One of the most important things the books explain is that we are NOT victims of circumstance. We are victims of nothing. Each and every person has his/her entire life under their complete control, and nothing ever happens that isn't right for that exact moment or season. Now I know there are many things that you and I would never agree are ever "right". A child being abused or molested, someone being murdered, children senselessly dying of hunger and prevetable disease.. but every thing, every thing, good or bad happens for a reason and good can ALWAYS be found in every situation if we have the right thought process.

I've been through some pretty bad events in my life. Suffered some unspeakable things at the hands of others. And for the longest time I thought. Why God? Why does this happen TO me? Am I not good enough, do You not love me enough? Do I not deserve to be happy and whole? But as I get older and wiser I've come to realize that nothing has ever happened TO me. Things happened that I was a prt of the experience of, and nothing has happened that I didn't overcome, conquer, gain victory over and come through on the other side, stronger, smarter and better than I was before. I realized that I did have control over my life. I realized that God really does have everything under control. I realized that I'm a hell of a lot stronger than I ever gave myself credit for. I also realized that I have allowed the events of my life to strip me of the joy I once had, of my love for people, of my ability to smile from the deepest part of my soul. I love my life, I love the Lord with every cell of my body and I can stand outside and see beauty so moving and breathtaking it brings you to tears. I appreciate my life and every blessing in it. I appreciate every trial. I think most importantly I finally appreciate every "bad" thing that's ever happened to me and realized that I can and I will heal from them all. The last is part of my 2 year plan.

So on to my 2 year plan. It's amazing to realize that something as simple as reading words, thoughts, ideas written by someone else can bring you to understand, learn or remember things that you've always known. I am not a victim and I have complete control over my life. It's brought me to realize that while being a part of a loving committed relationship is something I may always long for, it is not required to fulfill my deepest longing and I believe most important purpose in life. Being a mother. Would having a husband make being a parent easier? Quite possibly. Does that mean I can't do it on my own. Absolutely not! So I sat down, thought about my life, where it was, where I wanted it to go and how long I think was reasonable to reach those goals and came up with 2 years. It is incredibly amazing to me how different dreams become once you stop wishing for them and start doing something about obtaining them. I set a few simple goals for myself and I don't think, or hope, or even believe that I will achieve them within the time period I've set for myself. I KNOW I WILL. Any other outcome is simply not an option. Here are a few key goals on my list.

1. I will reach a certain level of financial stability by either moving up in the job I'm currently
in or moving to another job that meets both my financial requirements and will move me
further along the path to reaching my ultimate "career choice" (relief/missions work)

2. I will be enrolled in college and on my way to achieving a Bachelor's degree in a field most
closely related and beneficial to my chosen career choice. Most likely Social Science &/or
International Studies

3. I will have found either a house or apartment in an ethinically diverse, family friendly
neighborhood, close to a good school whos curriculum will best benefit my child's growth
and development.

4. I will begin the process of becoming an adoptive parent.

There are several more steps and goals in my 2yr plan but these are the most important. So why adoption? I've given thought to artificial ensimination. Having a biological child is important to me and something I hope to ultimately do, but when it happens I want it to be the result of a union between two loving people who's desire is for their love to produce a life to share that love with. So browsing through a catalog of "traits and characteristics" of sperm just isn't that appealing to me. I don't feel that I have the right to create and bring a new child into this world as a single parent simply to fill my urge to be a mother. Children deserve a mother and a father. And it is most likely that the child I will adopt had that. He or she may never hold dear a personal memory of either birth parent, but they did exist. In their case I'm simply becoming an additional caregiver. Supplemental if you will, but never a replacement. I have every certainty that the child I adopt will be an orphan not by any choice of his or her parent, but buy a simple twist of fate. They may have died while the child was an infant, they may be unable to care for their deeply loved baby due to the conditions of their environment and geographical location. But to me the importance of adopting as a single parent over natural child birth as a single parent is the choice to give a child who's already born the opportunity for a better life rather than creating a new life simply to have a biological part of me. Who says I'm that great to go repoducing myself anyway lol!

Where to adopt.. I know in the deepest part of my soul that I will eventually adopt an African child. My heart aches for the people of that country and I will do a good part of my life's work there. I also see an exotic little Latin baby in my future. I've not yet done enough research to even know if they have an international adoption policy or not and it may be that my future husband is a passionate Latino and that's where my beautiful tan baby will come from. Another option that has been weighing on my heart is Native American adoption. I am part Indian and it is an important part of my heritage. It's peculiar to me that I'd never considered it before, but once I wrote out my 2 year plan it just out of no where became something I couldn't get out of my mind. Ok I know nothing comes from "out of no where", God put it there so I think it's something that I will give careful prayer and thought to. I did some research online, I didn't even know if Indian Reservations allowed adoption outside of their community. They do. In fact there are hundreds of beautiful little Indian babies who have been orphaned by parents who have passed away or are due to the financial instability and conditions of life on a reservation (which are in dire need of improvement in many cases!) are unable to provide the necessary care for their child. So that is another option I will definitely give deep consideration.

It's kind of strange to me that I really have no deep seated desire or need to have a "white" baby. I think sponsoring children over the past few years has given me a clearer way of looking at children and people in general. I've never been one to think much of color and I can say Praise God that I am at a point where I really don't see it. The church I go to... is hmm I think I can safely say about 98% black. I've seen I think 4 or 5 white people in the months that I've attended. And I absolutely LOVE it there. I feel more at home, more free to worship, more open to the Word than I have at any other church I've ever attended. Now you may be thinking.. what there are 4 or 5 white people out of 50 or 100 church members? That's not so bad. No.. my church has approximately 4,000 members. Yes that's 4 Thousand. We have 2 services so I'd say there are probably 1,500 -2.000 in each service. And I've never felt more welcome.

Oh back to sponsoring children for a minute. Are you one of those people who see the Feed the Children commercials on TV and think omg that's awful.. I wish there was something I could do, but I'm only one person and I barely make ends meet as it is then you change the channel. Don't feel bad. I was that person once. About 3 1/2 years ago I was in between churches and was trying to figure out where to tithe. I knew you could tithe to TV minstries, or radio ministries or basically any ministry that fed you the Word and nourished your soul. I didn't want to do that so I began researching child sponsorship. There were a few very important criteria to me. 1 - it had to be a Christ centered organization. 2 - it had to be up front and honest about it's finances and be able to show me where the money I sent would go. 3 - it had to have a personal approach to sponsorship, not a broad spectrum community approach. I found Compassion International. They are a Christian organization that works ONLY with and through local churches and while this means they don't receive the funding of large corporate and/or government backers, it also means they have complete free reign in what they can do in their ministry in regards to sharing the Gospel. No censoring of big companies or government organizations. They believe in reaching each individual child and making a difference in his/her life rather than dumping money into a village or community and hoping the people figure out what to do with it. They believe impacting the children of the country will lead them to BE the people who make a difference in and for their countries. Their motto is "Releasing Children from Poverty, in Jesus Name". So I decided to sponsor a child. At the time it was $28 a month, plus you could send additional monetary gifts for the child's birthday, holidays, etc. I received a picture of the child. His name was Gerardo and he was from El Salvador. I picked him because his birthday was the same as mine and when I saw his picture online I just fell in love. I sponsored Gerardo for just over 6 months, praying daily that God would touch his little life and bless his family. I received a letter from him and wrote him in return. Then I got a letter from Compassion explaining that Gerardo wasn't going to be a part of the program anymore. His mother had gotten a job and they no longer needed the assistance of the program! Praise God. As happy as I was for the blessing his family received I was sad. In such a short time I had grown attached to this little boy. He was my "Compassion kid". He had become a part of my life and I had been a part of his. So I immediately opted to sponsor another child. By this time God had blessed me with a stable job and a better financial situation. I sponsored 5 children from 4 different countries. That was almost 2 years ago and I still sponsor them. Eduardo from El Salvador, Josselin from El Salvador, Julianna from Tanzania, Abimael from Honduras and Saiful from Bangladesh. I've had the honor and blessing of watching them grow and learn and become filled with awe and excitement about the God that loves them. We write each other letters, send each other pictures and I send them stickers and pages to color. It is by far the most important thing I've done with my life to date and I think it is through sponsoring children internationally that my heart has grown for them and their plight.

The reason for that last paragraph was just to let everyone that if adoption is not something you've considered but want to do something to make a difference in the life of a child then child sponsorship is an excellent alternative. You truly do develop a connection and relationship with the child you sponsor and it is such a blessing! The website to the organization I sponsor through is http://www.compassion.com/. Even if you do have children or have adopted internationally, still consider it! It's a great tool for teaching your children about conditions and cultures of other countries.

Thanks for everyone who's taken the time to read my mini novel lol. Keep me and my 2yr plan in your prayers! =) I know the time will pass by in a moment and before we know it I'll be posting a blog saying I'm bringing home my new baby boy or girl!


God Bless
Mollie

The Decision to stop eating meat

NO I am not a PETA activist (I wear leather shoes), NO I am not a religious freak, (God didn't tell me not to eat meat because it's mean) YES I really enjoy a good grilled chicken breast or steak once in a while. So why am I becoming a vegetarian you ask? Several reasons...

While I never ever condone animal violence or cruelty I have always been of the opinion that some animals are raised for food. Settlers & farmers have for hundreds of years lived off of the animals they farm. Of course in those days the animals were given free reign to roam over acres of fields and pastures. They were loved and treated well and the family had a deep respect for the fact that the animal gave his/her life to provide sustenance for their family.

Mass production factories have greatly eliminated such a way of life for food raised animals. They have also gone a long way to remove a safe, clean, healthy lifestyle (however short it is) for the animals that are slaughtered for food. I've done some research and if animal cruelty wasn't reason enough for me to swear off ever ordering a quarter pounder again, seeing the conditions of the factories where the meat I bought came from was. Chickens are kept in small metal cages. Not one chicken to a cage, where it can roam around, clean itself, do the things it needs to do to produce healthy eggs and safe nutritionally viable meat, but 5 to 15 chickens in a small cage. Crammed in so tight they can't turn around, can't clean themselves and are forced to sit in their excrement and breath air filled with insanely high levels of amonia and other toxins produces by their waste. So they're pumped full of drugs and antibiotics to keep them alive. My dad used to work for a uniform company & BC Rogers was one of their customers..(they are a chicken processing plant). Anyway the workers told him that some stores & fast food chains buy sick or diseased chickens because they're cheaper. I guess they figure we'll cook it and hope any bacteria or disease will be killed before we put it in our and our children's bodies!

I've never been much of a red meat eater so I figured.. hey I'll just eat chicken. It's high in protein, low in fat, nothing bad for you right... ya that's what I thought until I started doing research. Even the chicken you buy that says "Organic" or eggs that say "Free Range" are rarely really organic or from free range chickens. The USDA has a set of guidelines that farmers..I hesitate to call them farmers, let's say mass producers have to follow in order for their product labels to contain the terms organic or free-range. This can be something as small as having a window in the shed where the chickens are still kept crammed in a metal cage. The window is the "access to outdoors" vs being kept entirely indoors. So that kind of disolved any further desire I had to eat chicken.

I also started reading about the human body,the effect mass animal "farming" has on the earth, it's resources, the economy and many other things that all led me to the conclusion that while sure, a sweet juicy BBQ'd chicken breast sure tastes good, there is no real positive benificial outcome of eating it.

The effect of eating meat on the world and it's people -

Global Warming - With methane emissions causing nearly half of the planet’s human-induced warming, methane reduction must be a priority. Methane is produced by a number of sources, including coal mining and landfills—but the number one source worldwide is animal agriculture. Animal agriculture produces more than 100 million tons of methane a year. And this source is on the rise: global meat consumption has increased fivefold in the past fifty years, and shows little sign of abating. The conclusion is simple: arguably the best way to reduce global warming in our lifetimes is to reduce or eliminate our consumption of animal products. Simply by going vegetarian (or, strictly speaking, vegan - eating no animal or food that contains any animal byproduct),we can eliminate one of the major sources of emissions of methane, the greenhouse gas responsible for almost half of the global warming impacting the planet today.

Earth's Resources - Would you ever open your refrigerator, pull out 16 plates of pasta and toss them in the trash, and then eat just one plate of food? How about leveling 55 square feet of rain forest for a single meal or dumping 2,500 gallons of water down the drain? Of course you wouldn't. But if you're eating chicken, fish, turkey, pork, or beef, that's what you're doing—wasting resources and destroying our environment. We feed more than 70 percent of the grains and cereals we grow to farmed animals, and almost all of those calories go into simply keeping the animals alive, not making them grow. A major 2006 report by the United Nations summarized the devastation caused by the meat industry. Raising animals for food, the report said, is “one of the top two or three most significant contributors to the most serious environmental problems, at every scale from local to global. The findings of this report suggest that it should be a major policy focus when dealing with problems of land degradation, climate change and air pollution, water shortage and water pollution and loss of biodiversity. Livestock’s contribution to environmental problems is on a massive scale.." Growing all the crops to feed farmed animals requires massive amounts of water and land—in fact, nearly half of the water and 80 percent of the agricultural land in the United States are used to raise animals for food. Nearly half of the water consumed in this country is used for livestock. According to scientists at the Smithsonian Institute, the equivalent of seven football fields of land is bulldozed every minute, much of it to create more room for farmed animals. Of all the agricultural land in the U.S., nearly 80 percent is used in some way to raise animals—that's roughly half of the total land mass of the U.S. More than 260 million acres of U.S. forest have been cleared to create cropland to grow grain to feed farmed animals.

Life - Do you know how often one of our fellow brothers or sisters dies from starvation? Every 2.43 seconds. Every year 15 million children die of hunger. In 2004, 35.1 million people, including 12.4 million children, in the United States did not have access to enough food for an active healthy life. That means one in ten households in the U.S. are living with hunger or are at risk of hunger. One out of every eight children under the age of twelve in the U.S. goes to bed hungry every night. This isn't just a third world problem. Hunger does not exist because the world does not produce enough food. How many people could be fed by the 70% of grains & cereals grown that are used to feed livestock? We have the experience and the technology right now to end the problem. The challenge we face is not production of food and wealth, but more equitable distribution. It would take a modest effort to end hunger and malnutrition worldwide. Hunger is a political condition. And so the key to overcoming hunger is to change the politics of hunger. (The less people that eat meat, the less big corporations make in their heinous practices of mass producing animals for slaughter).

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Now I'm not one of those people who are going to look at you funny if you order a steak when we go out to eat. Hey I've been a carnivore for 30 years. Becoming a vegetarian is like picking a religion or a church or a lifestyle. It is a choice each individual person needs to make based on his or her own reasoning. But I do encourage everyone to do a little research. It's as easy as typing a few words in the Google search bar. Deciding to make a conscious decision to KNOW about what you put in your body is one of the most important decisions you can make. If you do the research, learn about the conditions and still say "Hey I like my steak!" Then by all means eat steak. But at least you will have the knowledge of what the process of that steak coming from the cow to your table had on the earth, on the economy, on the lives and livelihoods of millions of people world wide.

I know a lot of people think omg there is no way I could become a vegetarian. It's too hard. What on earth will I eat?! Well, last year I had the honor of meeting one of the most incredible men I may ever meet and he is a vegetarian. I asked him what guided his decision to stop eating meat. He said, "We have a disconnect from our food. Chicken does not come shrink rapped and in styrofoam. I could not kill it, so I don't eat it." It intrigued me so I thought, what the heck, I'll try it for a few months & see what I think. It really wasn't that hard and I did it eating whatever the mess hall on the SeaBee Base provided for lunch & dinner each day.

Tofu (I know, I know I hear you YUCK!) can be made to taste like most meat when used in recipes. I made a tofu lasagna for my family one night last year. They had NO IDEA & didn't know the difference until I told them. Then of course they made the obligitory funny faces and set their plates aside lol, but they'd eaten over half of their meal & commented on how great it tasted. What foods we like or dislike are mostly determined by our mind. You hear something tastes bad, or it doesn't fit with what you were brought up knowning, ie. tofu & you automatically train yourself to think it's gross and you'd never eat it. I've eaten tofu tacos, tofu stirfry and honestly couldn't tell the difference in taste. Tofo takes on the taste of whatever it's cooked with and is an excellent source of protein. There are actually a lot of choices these days that make a vegetarian diet rather easy to maintain, and there are a ton of health benefits! Yes a vegetarian can quite easily get ALL of the protein, nutrients and vitamins they need without eating meat. AND they consume a great deal less saturated fat, cholesteral and other icky things found in meat!

Wow this turned out to be a lot longer than I had planned! But it's all good solid easily verifiable information. So next time you're dying of boredom at work, pass over that super tempting MySpace survey lol and do a little reading instead. You may be surprised at what you learn!