See there was the bear, who had a beer and got a burr

Yesteray I was catching up on some blogs I stalk read and came across something so funny it was all I could do not to pee my pants laughing. While I managed not to wet myself I did unfortunately spit water all over my desk and everything on it!

So take that as a warning - no eating or drinking before you read what's to come.

Oh! and go potty first!



Anyway, Crystal over at Boobs, Injuries & Dr. Pepper was having a contest. She found this news clip and the contest was to see who could best translate what someone being interviewed was saying.

Sounds easy enough right?

As you'll see in a minute, the clip was pretty funny. Sad, because of the incident that happened, but you'd have to be dead not to find some humor in interview portion of the clip.

However, it wasn't the clip that had me hosing down my computer screen with water. It was the translations in the comments section.

So watch the clip. Wait for the 2nd person being interviewed. The first person is a pastor, the 2nd is a lady. Do your best to translate. Then read some of the comments. I've posted some of the funniest ones, but you can go here to read them all.

The Video

Here are some of the translations.

Anonymous said...
Wow. Let me see. I think Hot Rod was killed, according to Witness #2 because he wanted a beer, they didn't have a beer but they wanted a beer so they were waiting around for a beer. Maybe they took his beer then shot him (which was too much for Witness #2 to "ber" and she started crying). Of course, it could all have something to do with a grizzly or those sticky things off the bushes.

Also possibly in there - "the mailman gave him a dollar."? Do mail carriers deliver beer in Memphis? No wonder Elvis liked it there so much.

Better luck to others. I don't think I speak south.

~Em



Middle-Aged-woman said...
Translation:

The first gentleman may or may not have had an aperitif. The second gentleman requested that the first gentleman share said quaffable, but the first gentleman denied existence of any frosty beverages. Whereupon, gentleman number two pulled out his mighty weapon ('Scuse me while I whip this out...) and shot the selfish bastard.

I have never heard the word 'beer' pronounced in quite that way before. Makes me want to visit Memphis.


Anonymous said...
dead guy had a burr and other dude wanted it...

maybe a burro?

is that street for a burrito?


Hottdog said...
BEER
she wanted a BEER
she drank a BEER
then he drank a BEER
then the kids drank a BEER
then they took a bath in the BEER
then they went to church and thanked God for all the BEER.
the end
oh and then there was a shooting over the BEER


warcrygirl said...
"Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You took my ber, prepare to die."

Sorry, I was too busy looking at her bad wig and wondering if she remembered where she left her teeth.



Nina said...
I think a bear killed him.



Wifey said...
It was all over a burr.

Do they HAVE to find the one person that makes the entire state look like they married their brother?



Justin said...
She said," I wish that alcohol didn't incite violence in people. It would be a better world if we could all just get along. It breaks my heart to see two gentlemen quarrel over a beverage."



SoMo said...
Man, those Memphis streets are rough. At least down here in New Orleans we don't shoot over a ber, because we have fountains of it everywhere. If you are going to get shot in New Orleans, it is going to be because you didn't share none of yer burl crawfish or crack. It depends on the neighborhood.


Anonymous said...
You see what had happened was there was these two mens ova anden they was arguin bout tha berra but you see berra is code for crack so then (witness # 2's) pimp came ova and gave a dolla for the berra (crack)and then the fight broke out and someone done died.


Hottdog said...
She reminded me of that scene in Finding Nemo when they were in the EAC about to take their exit to Sydney.
"It's like he's trying to speak to me-I just know it. You know you're very cute, but can you say the first thing again?"
And I'm sure we all agree, the lady with the berr was very cute.
lol

(p.s. this is my second comment *wink* I couldn't help it!)



Lilacspecs said...
Ahem....here is the actual transcription (I'm a yankke, bear with me)
Dey was aruin oer a bur. Dey was up air han a bur en ay din ha no bur. En ay wan a bur were han rahne get a bur. De mayman came up en I done ey were aruin oer a bur. They prah took his bur n then shot him.

And my translation (I'm learning Dutch people, this was child's play)

They were arguing over a beer. They were over there and they wanted a beer but didn't have a beer. And they wanted a a beer and were hanging around to get a beer. The mailman came up and I said they were arguing over a beer. then they probably took his beer and shot him.

Anyway, the poor lady was obviously upset and I hope she's okay. But damn, there was NO ONE else around to interview?? What about the mailman for frig's sake!



Michelle Smiles said...
I agree she was pointing out the argument over them wanting beer and not having beer...but I think she then went on to discuss the sad state of dental care in Memphis.



Mom O'Teens said...
I think...

...the bear went over the mountain. You know, to see what he could see. But then, some drunk foo' shot him.

After the mailman paid him to do it.


Angie said...
99 bottles of bur on the wall...


Anonymous said...
Is she cold? She keeps saying Burr!!


Matthew & Amelie said...
Here's what went down (in English):

Assailant: I see you have a beer. I'd like to have a beer.

Victim: You're mistaken, I have no beer.

Assailant: But, I just saw it.

Crazy woman: Sir, that is my beer, delivered to me by the US Postal service. You cannot have that beer. Excuse me, I have an errand to run.

Victim: See, this isn't my beer, so I cannot share it.

Assailant: Bitch, give me that beer. *BANG* Thank you, this is cold and delicious.

Crazy woman: This is all very sad. That was my beer... And the mail doesn't come again until tomorrow. Alas!


Anonymous said...
I belive that she said, "If I had more teeth, I could clearly enunciate to you exactly what happened here today. Since I do not, I will babble nonsense words at your for a while so that you will put me on TV and people who DO have teeth can laugh."



Brina said...
Ohmigawd, I am coming to Nashville at the end of the month. Is THIS what I have to look forward to?!?

Funny thing is I understood her. But that's because I lived in San Francisco for 4 years near the Tenderloin District, making me fluent in crack-ho. Clearly, he dun got killt cuz a da burr. It's a shame. Many people meet their demise behind a bad burr deal.


Edie said...
I believe this murder was committed over a burro, AKA -- a donkey. These two men were hanging around waiting for a burro to show up you see, and finally one did. It was only a matter of time. The first man was like, "That's my burro!" and the second man was like, "HELLS NO! That's MY burro!" and then the first man shot the second man and took off with the burro.

Um. Class, can we say: CRACK HO?!?



Ang said...
~wiping eyes so I can see what the flip I'm typing~

LMFAO! I lost my gum across the desk at the Princess Bride "...prepare to die" comment. Good thing because I'd have surely choked on it with all the snorts and spurts following. oh man!

Just for the heck of it:
Witness #2
Susan Toothless Jones
"Dey's agu'in ova b'er.
Dey's up deyr had a b'er, but dey di ha no b'er
...oh...(reporter kicking her own ass for finding this gem to interview)
n dey..n dey wan'd a b'er
n dey wer hangin' around to get a beer cos-
da mailman gave em a dolla, I's just gonna-
dey-
agu'n ove b'er
dey prob took 'is b'er n dey jus shot 'im"

Sorry Hot Rod's wife and family...said he was a nice guy.

Pastor says the area is in decline...
You fuckin' think??!?



Anonymous said...
I think it was about a bear. A cute, little, brown stuffed bear. One guy had it, the other guys wanted it. The mailman felt bad and gave one of the guys a dolly (I picture a freckle faced, curly hair dolly that giggles) and that was not good enough so he shot the man to take his (teddy) bear. Could you keep me posted if the bear turns up? Seems like it, and the dolly, could use a good home.
Kels


Mathair Mayi said...
The whole sorted mess was over a bureau.

I'm uncertain if it was a Davenport antique or tobacco and firearms. Could be Labor & Industry or census.

Definately a bureau though.

Personally I think the only one worth shooting over is a Chippendale.

**shrug**



George said...
Citizens, you are all wrong. It is a "bear" which is in question. Clearly the circus was in town. The bear was driving an Electra 225 past the scene when libations were requested. It went downhill from there.


Mike D. said...
If you slow it down and play it backwards, here is what she is saying (in a British accent): There were 2 blokes up in the alley way see? Anyways the one fella says to the other, hey old chap, I see you have some Olde English, my I haven't tasted a drop since I left the old island years ago, mind if I have a sniffer? The other bloke says no, I worked hard all day to buy this fine malt beverage and I deserve the fruit of me spoils. The next thing you know the first bloke challenges the second bloke to a duel, only the second bloke doesn't have a revolver and it ends incredulously as the first bloke did not observe the Duke of Canterbury rules of dueling. In the meantime our fine postal carrier presented me with an Elvis Presley stamp, which I believe, is now worth a dollar. Sorry to ramble on so, and where are my manners. Would you fancy a cup o' tea?!?!


Dedicated_Dad said...
Forsooth, it would appear that these gentlemen engaged in a disagreement over the ownership of a malt beverage.

At first, they were getting along swimmingly, as there was plenty of said beverage to go around.

Alas, the demand exceeded the supply and these gentlemen were eventually rendered beverage-less.

They then, after due consideration, decided to undertake a pilgrimage, for the purpose of obtaining a fresh supply, however they were at first unable to do so.

After a suitable period of loitering, it would appear that the Postman was kind enough to furnish the gentlemen with funds sufficient to obtain a portion of said golden nectar. This was when things took a tragic turn.

For alas, the second gentleman, him wishing to slake his prodigious thirst, conspired to seize the elixir for his own, to which the first bloke objected.

Eventually, as is so often the case, violence ensued, as the gentleman fired his arquebus at the brigand in order to dissuade him from continuing his attempts to obtain said frosty beverage.

It is of course also possible that the evil knave first robbed the gentleman of his delicious brew, and after obtaining that which he sought, still proceeded to fire his arquebus and felled the poor gentleman unnecessarily. One cannot be sure.

It is certain however that I cannot cope with the sadness, as it's giving me the vapors.

There are so many more HILARIOUS translations but I'll be here for days if I try to post them all. You can go here to read more!

Children say the darndest things!!

I've feeling a bit under the weather today so I'm taking the easy way out and instead of blogging about some enthralling event that's happened in my life lately (because my days are just sooo exciting) I'm posting some "in the eyes of a child" humor for your reading enjoyment!

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NUDITY

I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening, when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, “Mom! That lady isn’t wearing a seat belt!

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HONESTY

My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he’d dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So, I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, “We better throw this one out too then, ’cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago.

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OPINIONS

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a Note from his mother. The note read, “The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.”

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KETCHUP

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang, so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. “It’s the minister, Mommy,” the child said to her mother. Then, she added, “Mommy can’t come to the phone to talk to you right now. She’s hitting the bottle.”

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MORE NUDITY

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women’s locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement, and then asked, “Haven’t you ever seen a little boy before?”

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ELDERLY

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4- year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. The various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs, unfailingly intrigued her. One day, I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, “The tooth fairy will never believe this!”

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DRESS-UP

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, “Daddy, you shouldn’t wear that suit.” “And why not, darling?” “You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning..”

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DEATH

While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister’s son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his Father always said: “Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn and into the hole he gooooes.”

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SCHOOL

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. “I’m just wasting my time,” she said to her mother. “I can’t read, I can’t write and they won’t let me talk!”

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BIBLE

A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated, as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. “Mama, look what I found”, the boy called out. ” What have you got there, dear?” With astonishment in the young boy’s voice, he answered, “I think it’s Adam’s underwear!”

Miss Clairol.. you know Uncle Ben's cousin?

Today is a bright sunny day. In addition to that it's Friday!!
So I thought in light of feeling happy, sunny and generally just peachy, (soft and fuzzy?) I'd post a funny memory from when I was growing up.

My little sister Theresa is six and a half (6 1/2) years younger than I. She's smart. I swear. She however, has the tendency to at times be just about the most ditsy person I've ever met.

When I was around 23yrs old I think, which would make my sister 16 or 17, we were all hanging out in the living room at my dad & step-mom's house.

We, being me, my sister and brother and two (2) of our step-brothers.

Not sure if it will matter but to help better paint the picture here are our ages at the time of this particular "blonde" moment of Theresa's.

Mollie - 23 ~ me
Shaun - 17 or 18 ~ step-brother
Theresa -16 or 17 ~ my sister
Anthony - 13 ~ my brother
Blake - 14 ~ step-brother

Well Theresa had as usual said something totally off the wall that had all of us looking at her like, I'm sorry, huh? first day with a new brain?

I don't remember what it was she said, but after we all realized that we, nor she would be able to figure out any idea what it was she was talking about the following conversation took place.

Mollie: Theresa, you need to give Miss Clairol a call girl!

Theresa: Who?

The boys & I all look at each other, then at Theresa, then at each other again & the fun began.

Mollie: You know Theresa.. Miss Clairol!

Theresa: Why do I need to see her.. I don't even know who that is!

**Just in case you lived in a cave somewhere most of your life, or your parents kept you in a cage under the stairs and you've never managed to see a TV. Miss Clairol is one of the oldest hair dye brands on the planet. Cave women colored their back hair with Miss Clairol before the Ice Age.

Back to the fun!

Shaun: Theresa, you know Miss Clairol... she's Uncle Ben's cousin!

Theresa: Who the heck are you people talking about. I don't have an Uncle Ben!!

She's getting a little frustrated now, but only because she doesn't "know" the people we're talking about. She has no idea we're making fun of her.

Mollie: Great Uncle Ben! Betty Crocker's brother Theresa.. c'mon!

Theresa: looking confused

Anthony: Theresa you know Uncle Ben and Aunt Jemima, we had them over for breakfast a few weekends ago.

Mollie: Well do you remember their daughter Sara Lee? Surely you remember her?!?

Theresa: NO!!! I don't know any of those people, and I still don't understand why I need to go see some Miss Clairol anyway!

At this point we were all on the floor rolling, holding our stomachs in pain, tears streaming down our faces from laughing so hard.

We finally couldn't go on any more, well we ran out of brand names or we probably would have tried, and I told her who "Miss Clairol" was and why she needed to go see her. She's continued to have "blonde" moments over the years, though none as memorable as that one.

For those of you who are thinking "No way this isn't real.. you made that all up."

I kid you not. That was the exact conversation. We still pick on her about it to this very day.

Us: Hey Theresa.. your blonde is showing..

Theresa: Oh shut up!