Legal Schmegal - Addendum

Every once in a while when I post something on a subject I really want to hear feedback on, I'll copy the post on another forum as well as just this blog. The Legal Schmegal post made it's way onto my MySpace Blog, and on the Journal section of my OKCupid.com profile.

Well if responses were what I wanted, then I definitely got what I was asking for. Most of the comments surprisingly (at least to me) expressed opinions opposing mine. I don't mind people saying they don't agree with something I post. I, in fact enjoy the response of people who see things differently. If I needed to think everyone agreed with everything I said I'd close my comments so I could just pretend that we were all on the same wave length.

But I like to be challenged, I like to be presented with ideas and views that are not only the same as mine but polor opposite. I like to expand my horizons so to speak and what better way to do that than to be open to suggestion and when appropriate, change?

I like to think that I'm an open minded person. Granted there are some subjects that I have extremely strong opinions on, and those will most likely never change. But for the most part I like to think that I am a well rounded enough individual to be able to accept that we are all different, have different views, different values, different beliefs, and am caring and confident enough to not be threatened or angered by those differences.

Some of the responses I got to the Legal Schmegal post have shown me that as much as I'd like to think I'm someone who "thinks outside the box", that my views are in fact still very restricted by the culture and community I've been brought up in.

A friend of mine (real, not myspace) commented on my MySpace blog and I'm going to share her response here.

I have to disagree with you on this one. It's a cultural thing. In the US there are restrictions with respect to alcohol due primarily to society, puritanical values brought down by the pilgrims, founding fathers, etc. Society had made alcohol a taboo so it becomes something that kids look to do as a forbidden activity, like drugs, having a gun, etc.

In other cultures, such as the French and in my country of origin, meals are accompanied by wine or ale, not milk or soda or water but some alcoholic beverage and everyone in the family drinks it. I don't remember ever not drinking wine during meals. When my younger sister was born, she was sitting at her kiddie chair and in her glass with meals was....wine.

None of us suffered any kind of developmental problems. On the contrary, all my siblings and I score above 130 in IQ tests. None of us ever developed any alcoholic tendencies, nor do we smoke or do drugs. I agree that there should have been a choice in that question to allow you to answer "never", but there is nothing wrong with asking the question. You have a choice in raising your children to do what you wish but so does everyone else.

Granted hard liquor was never one of the choices but in my country there is no "drinking age", there is no fascination with getting wrecked as a teenager as there is here. And there are not more alcoholics than in other countries. So I do think it is the society in which we live that drives some of the problems that exist in this country with drinking. Just my opinion based on my experience

There were other responses with views similar to hers, but I feel that the personal detail she included to help paint a picture of why she felt the say she did was part of what brought me to the relevation that I am still much more sheltered than I would like to believe.

So with that being said I'd like to expand a bit on my previous post and share a little more about why I had such a strong reaction to that particular question.

I agree (begrudgingly) that having grown up in the US has had a very strong influence on quite a few of the opinions and views I have on certain issues. Alcohol is apparently one of them. But having said that, I think that more than the culture I've grown up in, is a personal issue I have with control that influence my feelings on this particular subject.

I don't drink alcohol. I can count on both hands the number of times I've even tasted alcohol in all of my 32 years. I don't like it, I don't see the point in it.

Hello, My name is Mollie and I am a control freak.

I have a problem with any thing that has any type of altering effect on my self control or mental status, be it alcohol, prescription medication or the like. I don't like anything that might even possibly remove some of the control I have over my thoughts and actions.

I pinched a major nerve in my back several years ago and it was only when the pain became so bad it physically effected my ability to breath that I finally gave in and took the medication that the doctor had prescribed. I like being in control. Period. I have a problem with emotions for that very same reason.

Alcohol has an effect on the control you have over your mind and body. This has been proven and there is research to back up that statement.

So with that in mind it's not only (but especially) children that I don't think should consume alcohol. I don't agree with adults drinking either. I actually don't see any valid or positive point in alcohol even existing. That is my personal opinion based strictly on me being me. I'm fairly certain this particular view would be the same regardless of what country or culture I'd been brought up in. I think it's more of a view I've come to based on an internal process rather than one influence by external factors.

I know studies have been shown that a glass of wine a day may have health benefits ranging anywhere from delaying or prevening heart disease to combatting tooth decay. *source Sciencedaily.com I also know that those very same benefits can be obtained without ever consuming a single drop of alcohol.

So even though I have to admit that a large portion of my views are based on the culture and community in which I've been brought up, and even though other countries and cultures wean their children on wine or some other sort of alcohol with little or no negative effects I still over all disagree with the question in general. And I still most definitely disagree with children ever, even and especially in the presence of a parent, being allowed to consume alcohol.

As far as the whole "it's the law" issue, well that's a whole different ball of wax best left for another day.

Legal Schmegal

OKCupid has this thing where they ask you a hundred bajillion questions, then they take your answers and compare them to other users answers and see how well you match.

The questions are completely voluntary and are all multiple choice. You pick what your answer would be, then you pick what your ideal mates answer would be and then you pick how important their answer is to you.

Here's an easy one for example

Q.
How often do you keep your promises?

A.
My word is my bond. No exceptions
Whenever possible
Usually
When convenient

Then it asks you if your ideal partners answer is irrelevant, a little important, somewhat important, very important, or mandatory. You also have the option to just skip a question altogether.


Most of the questions are pretty simple, with straight forward answers. Some of them are more situational, and some, like the one I'm going to discuss are just down right ridiculous. Not that the question itself is ridiculous, but that it's a question that should, or even could be asked.


Allow me -

Q.
What do you feel should be the minimum age at which a child should be allowed to drink an alcoholic beverage under the supervision of a parent? Choose the category that contains your answer.

A.
00 to 11 years of age
12 to 14 years of age
15 to 17 years of age
18 years of age or older

I'm sorry, WHAT?!?

At what age should a CHILD be allowed to drink alcohol? Parent or no parent, the legal age for drinking is 21. Correct me if I'm wrong but my interpretation of that would be uhh NEVER. Yup that's about the age that a child should be allowed to drink alcohol.

I may not be a parent, but I've done my fair share of caring for children and as an adult there aren't many things that will piss me off more than a parent who says "Well they're going to do it anyway, may as well make sure they're doing it safely, where I can watch them".

1. Drinking underage is just not safe. The body is still growing and developing and consumption of alcohol is just not a good thing. A child can't possibly understand the effects of over-consumption or the dangers.

2. It's ILLEGAL. As a parent it is your job to make sure your child has a solid understanding, appreciation and respect for the law.

By allowing them to break it "as long as you're watching" is total bs. You may as well hand them a syringe and a bag of whatever the hell it is you shoot up and let them have at it.

While you're at it, why not go out and buy them a couple of cans of spray paint, oh yea and a baseball bat, and go vandalizing with them. Hey you're driving the car! At least you know what they're doing, right?

I'm not one hundred percent sure if I would be so passionate and forceful about this particular subject if I didn't have personal experience with it, but I have a feeling I would be.

My little brother got expelled in 6th grade for having weed in his backpack. Some other kid told on him and he missed an entire year of school. He later went on to not only make up that year, but graduate a year early with all A's & B's, but that's besides the point.

After my parents divorced, my mom (for reasons beyond my comprehension) decided to pick back up a few bad habits from her younger days. Smoking marijuana was one of them. So following the whole "he's going to do it anyway" theory she allowed him to smoke with her. I'm still not happy about it, probably never will be.

I realize that because I didn't do any of the things most kids or teenagers do while growing up, I have a harder time relating to people who have. Those things being, drinking, smoking, trying drugs, early experimentation with sex, etc.

I've never been drunk, I've never smoked a cigarette, I've never even one time tried drugs of any kind and I was 24 before I had my first real kiss with a guy. And I am fully aware that those things make me some sort of freakish statistic in today's culture and society. But what I don't believe is that they will make me any more strict of a parent than I would have been otherwise, or will cause me to have lesser expectations of my child once I have one.

A parent is supposed to be a role model, someone you can look to as a gauge of what is right and wrong, a guide in life, someone you can admire and respect.

Once you break that boundary, that respect, the authority you once held is forever breached. You can't drink and drive as a parent and expect your child to listen to you when you tell him drinking and driving is bad. You can't sit in your room smoking weed, then tell your kid he shouldn't do drugs.

You can't say "I can do this because I'm the parent, and you can't because you're the kid" because that is just some double standard bullshit. One day the child will become the parent, and they will remember everything you did that they weren't allowed or supposed to do.

So what does it say about parents today when someone has to or even can ask the question "At what age would you let your kids drink illegally as long as you were watching?".

I can only thank God that He protected and guarded me from having the curiosity or desire most kids have to try things that will only cause them harm. And I can, and do, thank Him daily that because I never tried any of those things, that when I do have a child, I can tell them, it's ok to be different, it's ok to not "follow the crowd", it's ok to stand up for what's right and good.

I can tell them, "Hey, I had some really hard times in my life, and never once did I try to run or hide from them by using drugs or alcohol and I made it through, so I know that you can too."