Genetically speaking..

She shares the blood of a woman she's been around her entire life, and the blood of a man she's seen maybe 5 times. Yet it's his blood that seems to be a stronger influence in who she was as a child, who she is and who she's becoming.

The woman started out as a strong confident individual, then fell victim to circumstance. Divorce, drugs, abuse.. they weakened her and she no longer feels that she's worthy.. of love, of life, of success. She's what most call middle age now and her children are doing better than she is. Dead end job in a bar filled with smoke that's killing her. Losing her inner confidence left her prey to the lure of drugs that are not so slowly ruining her life. Hanging on to men who treat her like nothing, and running off those that would truly care. She'd do anything for anyone if she could, and sometimes does.. even when she can't. In her own strange way, family means everything to her.

The man started out as.. well I don't know him, but from what I've heard a strong, confident, cocky young man. Determined to make something of himself and any cost. In the 70's he lived the lavish life. Typical club scene, free flowing with drugs, booze and women. Only he was the club owner, and he was the one pushing the drugs, booze and women.. all for the almighty dollar. He later married and had a new family.. that didn't last either, the marriage anyway, but he's still in those children's lives. At least until they see him for the twisted liar he still is, then who knows. His parents have passed and what family he has doesn't care much for him. What belongings of his parents he didn't sell off to the highest bidder, he's left for ruin. He couldn't even be bothered to tell their oldest grandchild that they'd died. She made it to her grandma's funeral though.. an aunt read about the funeral in the paper.. two hours before it started.

Where the woman was capable of empathy and truly interested in the lives of those closest to her, the man seemed only interested in those who could bring him gain. The man is the type to meet, assess and discard someone all with equal and swift efficiency if it wouldn't benefit him to know them. The woman is the type who truly seems to be grateful for those who help her, returns the favor when she can and welcomes the opportunity to meet a new friend.

The story varies depending on who tells it and it's a he said she said thing. He says he wanted his little girl, and tried to be a part of her life. She says he didn't care and probably had several other seeds floating around. They both agree they were only "f" buddies at the time. Isn't that how every child hopes to find out they were conceived. Later the little girl would find out that the woman had kept in contact with the man all through her childhood, but never told her. She would have liked to have known that.

The little girl... well she's a woman now. At least on the outside. She often wonders if there was a mix up at the hospital and she's really someone else's child. If it weren't for the fact that she looks so much like both of them she'd be sure of it. She's so much like neither of them, and so much like both of them that she sometimes has trouble figuring out who she is at all. She loves with an intensity that borders on obsession, yet she feels disinterest with just as much intensity. For her it's all or nothing, for everything. Right, or wrong, black or white, yes or no. She knows no grey area, is in fact quite possibly unable to see in shades of grey.

She's been often described as unyielding, determined, opinionated, selfish and cold, yet there are others who would say she's loving, compassionate, outgoing, giving and an inspiration and joy to know. She's all of those things, and none of them, all at the same time. But how.

She can she love someone she's never met, a child in a far away place. She hurts for their need, cries in her soul at their neglect. Yet she feels a complete detachment from those closest to her, close at least by blood. She tries to love them, but lack of respect for their way of life make it difficult. She knows she should think of them first, should care for their needs more, should... so many things that she just doesn't feel. It's not that she doesn't want to, it's just not there. How hard it is that she was raised to be honest and would rather just accept the truth for what it is than live a lie with false emotion.. but the truth of this matter is not quite well received and those around her would rather be lied to.

She often dreams of a different life, where she was more like those who should be closest to her... or that maybe they were more like her. Sometimes she pretends that she's accepted the cards that life has dealt her.. and that she's OK with feeling different and alone. Sometimes she even believes it...

Sometimes...

My Myers-Briggs Personality Type

Introverted Intuitive Thinking Judging
by Marina Margaret Heiss
Profile: INTJ

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To outsiders, INTJs may appear to project an aura of "definiteness", of self-confidence. This self-confidence, sometimes mistaken for simple arrogance by the less decisive, is actually of a very specific rather than a general nature; its source lies in the specialized knowledge systems that most INTJs start building at an early age. When it comes to their own areas of expertise -- and INTJs can have several -- they will be able to tell you almost immediately whether or not they can help you, and if so, how. INTJs know what they know, and perhaps still more importantly, they know what they don't know.

INTJs are perfectionists, with a seemingly endless capacity for improving upon anything that takes their interest. What prevents them from becoming chronically bogged down in this pursuit of perfection is the pragmatism so characteristic of the type: INTJs apply (often ruthlessly) the criterion "Does it work?" to everything from their own research efforts to the prevailing social norms. This in turn produces an unusual independence of mind, freeing the INTJ from the constraints of authority, convention, or sentiment for its own sake.

INTJs are known as the "Systems Builders" of the types, perhaps in part because they possess the unusual trait combination of imagination and reliability. Whatever system an INTJ happens to be working on is for them the equivalent of a moral cause to an INFJ; both perfectionism and disregard for authority may come into play, as INTJs can be unsparing of both themselves and the others on the project. Anyone considered to be "slacking," including superiors, will lose their respect -- and will generally be made aware of this; INTJs have also been known to take it upon themselves to implement critical decisions without consulting their supervisors or co-workers. On the other hand, they do tend to be scrupulous and even-handed about recognizing the individual contributions that have gone into a project, and have a gift for seizing opportunities which others might not even notice.

In the broadest terms, what INTJs "do" tends to be what they "know". Typical INTJ career choices are in the sciences and engineering, but they can be found wherever a combination of intellect and incisiveness are required (e.g., law, some areas of academia). INTJs can rise to management positions when they are willing to invest time in marketing their abilities as well as enhancing them, and (whether for the sake of ambition or the desire for privacy) many also find it useful to learn to simulate some degree of surface conformism in order to mask their inherent unconventionality.

Personal relationships, particularly romantic ones, can be the INTJ's Achilles heel. While they are capable of caring deeply for others (usually a select few), and are willing to spend a great deal of time and effort on a relationship, the knowledge and self-confidence that make them so successful in other areas can suddenly abandon or mislead them in interpersonal situations.

This happens in part because many INTJs do not readily grasp the social rituals; for instance, they tend to have little patience and less understanding of such things as small talk and flirtation (which most types consider half the fun of a relationship). To complicate matters, INTJs are usually extremely private people, and can often be naturally impassive as well, which makes them easy to misread and misunderstand. Perhaps the most fundamental problem, however, is that INTJs really want people to make sense. :-) This sometimes results in a peculiar naivete', paralleling that of many Fs -- only instead of expecting inexhaustible affection and empathy from a romantic relationship, the INTJ will expect inexhaustible reasonability and directness.

Probably the strongest INTJ assets in the interpersonal area are their intuitive abilities and their willingness to "work at" a relationship. Although as Ts they do not always have the kind of natural empathy that many Fs do, the Intuitive function can often act as a good substitute by synthesizing the probable meanings behind such things as tone of voice, turn of phrase, and facial expression. This ability can then be honed and directed by consistent, repeated efforts to understand and support those they care about, and those relationships which ultimately do become established with an INTJ tend to be characterized by their robustness, stability, and good communications.


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Functional Analysis
by Joe Butt

Introverted Intuition
INTJs are idea people. Anything is possible; everything is negotiable. Whatever the outer circumstances, INTJs are ever perceiving inner pattern-forms and using real-world materials to operationalize them. Others may see what is and wonder why; INTJs see what might be and say "Why not?!" Paradoxes, antinomies, and other contradictory phenomena aptly express these intuitors' amusement at those whom they feel may be taking a particular view of reality too seriously. INTJs enjoy developing unique solutions to complex problems.

Extraverted Thinking
Thinking in this auxiliary role is a workhorse. Closure is the payoff for efforts expended. Evaluation begs diagnosis; product drives process. As they come to light, Thinking tends, protects, affirms and directs iNtuition's offspring, fully equipping them for fulfilling and useful lives. A faithful pedagogue, Thinking argues not so much on its own behalf, but in defense of its charges. And through this process these impressionable ideas take on the likeness of their master.

Introverted Feeling
Feeling has a modest inner room, two doors down from the Most Imminent iNtuition. It doesn't get out much, but lends its influence on behalf of causes which are Good and Worthy and Humane. We may catch a glimpse of it in the unspoken attitude of good will, or the gracious smile or nod. Some question the existence of Feeling in this type, yet its unseen balance to Thinking is a cardinal dimension in the full measure of the INTJ's soul.

Extraverted Sensing
Sensing serves with a good will, or not at all. As other inferior functions, it has only a rudimentary awareness of context, amount or degree. Thus INTJs sweat the details or, at times, omit them. "I've made up my mind, don't confuse me with the facts" could well have been said by an INTJ on a mission. Sensing's extraverted attitude is evident in this type's bent to savor sensations rather than to merely categorize them. Indiscretions of indulgence are likely an expression of the unconscious vengeance of the inferior.

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