My Public Service Accouncement

Or 'How cigarettes are destroying my family'.


In a previous post I wrote about my mom's diagnosis with small cell lung cancer. In this post I'm going to share the less than pleasant experience I had as a result of a photo I posted on Facebook.


If you've followed my blog for any period of time then you'll know that while my heart is a big as Texas I am very outspoken and stand up for what I believe in and advocate for things I feel strongly about.


And I know that some of you will probably take offense or feel attacked, but know that is not my intent. Everything I am going to say comes from a place of deep love and compassion - for myself, my family and each and every person effected by this particular topic. I was going to say negatively effected - but there truly is NO positive effect from this particular thing.


I am talking about smoking.


I DETEST cigarettes.


Aside from the given - they stink up your house, clothes, car, air around you, stain your fingers, teeth and are a danger to the smoker themselves and EVERY person around them. Oh yea and they kill.


Aside from those things they stole the life of my grandmother - someone I loved and adored - and are stealing the life of my mother as I type.


Now for the post....

My grandmother died from emphysema caused by smoking in 1994.
My mother will soon follow her.


*Smoking is the leading cause of emphysema.
*Smoking is the leading cause of lung cancer.
*Smoking is the leading cause of children, grandchildren, brothers, sisters, parents, aunts, uncles, cousins & friends having to watch their loved ones die slowly and painfully.
If you don't care about yourself enough to quit - care about everyone who will suffer when smoking kills you.

I debated telling my intent behind the picture before posting it, but decided to let you see it first and have your own initial reaction.


Now that you have I'll tell you what I see - and what most everyone but my family saw as well.


A strong, healthy, beautiful woman.... followed by what a careless, selfish addiction has done to her.


Now for some of the responses -
I deleted many of them because they were so cruel and hateful I could not see any benefit to anyone by leaving them - but I'll share bits and pieces in a moment. As you can see - for the most part a very positive response was received.

Staci Moss Schneider: My mother lives with me and my husband. She has COPD, Congestive, and Diabetes. She smoked all throughout my childhood. She finally decided to quit about 10 Years ago but the damage was already there. She is oxygen dependant and can't ...walk more than about 30 feet without getting out of breath. A little over a year ago she had a Bi-Ventricular Pace Maker and Defibrillator placed in her. I absolutely despise cigarettes. I know people who have watched a loved one struggle for their last breath and yet they won't put their own cigarettes down, I just don't understand.


Kevin Yekaitis: A very sad and powerful message. I pray God will give you both peace.

Aryn Polk Knight: Very powerful! I am so sorry, Mollie!


Melodye Smith: Mollie, I will be praying for you and your mother. Our God is a healing God


Joseph Abshire: Mollie, truth or not, this is not very sensitive. Don't do things like that. You have one thing right, smoking will impact your health negative.


Theresa Langston: Thank you so much Grandpa!


Jerri Withers Stidham: Ok now it is time for my opinion. Thank you Mollie for posting that! My Mom has COPD and emphysema. She just got out of the hospital from having pneumonia for the second time in 3 months. She was still a heavy smoker at that time. The doctors told her the next time she is in the hospital she WILL leave with an oxygen tank. I took her last week for her follow up appointment with her primary care physician. I told him what the doctor told us he said “IF” she gets to leave next time. He said the harsh reality is that she could not make it next time. He also ordered an MRI of her head because she still was incoherent. The MRI results showed a stroke (which is caused by heavy smoking) and a meningioma. She has an appointment with a top neurologist on February 8th. Smoking KILLS! It also kills ALL dreams and hopes of the people they leave behind. It is time to GET REAL! This is HER mother also. Mollie is suffering like the rest of her family. Please let her deal with this as best as she can. Thank you Mollie for being a fighter and advocate!! On a positive note my Mom hasn’t smoked since January 12th!! She said she is DONE. The damage is done but she may have saved herself from much worse down the road.


Kaffa Warren: Mollie, I know I don't know you well....but it would appear to me that you would have more inspiring and courageous things to say about your mama, especially at this time. She is my cousin and although the miles have separated us, I love h...er very much for who she is. Yes, everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but I pray the regrets and guilt you will feel in the future (because you will feel them) will diminish more easily than the hurt your post has caused. We are none perfect, but we are as God says to love each other. This post definitely does not show the smallest ounce of love. You can delete my post, it matters not. But I for one think your mama is one of the most courageous and strongest women I know. It is not our place to judge. When you start pointing fingers, remember 4 are coming right back atcha.


Deana James Eaton: Mollie- I truly respect that you are showing what really happens when people smoke. I am so sorry about your mom. Reading your post has reminded me that I HAVE TO QUIT. Thank you for your honesty and sharing the truth about the harmful effects of smoking. I am also sorry that ANYONE would say you posted that for "attention". I can't imagine anyone who knows you saying that. Again THANK YOU Much love and prayers- Deana

My sister responded that she has never been so embarrassed by any one's actions in her entire life - then proceeded to tell me in text that except by blood I was not her sister and she had no desire for her or my nieces to have a relationship with me any longer.


My brother responded in many posts that were deleted because I could not even believe the hatred and cruelty of his words, but here is one that I kept, hoping if he read what he was actually saying he'd see how his words described in himself everything he was putting off on me.

'Anthony Abshire: Mollie if you were not so selfish then you would see the no one but people who do not know mom on a personal basis are agreein and if it was there mother no one would be mollie wake up. You are so selfish you do not have the capability of understanding that it is not all about you for once this is a grab at attention. It has upset a number of people not jus SMOKERS...It is true family that loves our mother. You will probably burn in helll anyways but you should be crucified for this one mollie...You will never be part of my family again and you would be lucky if anyone accepts you. This is over a line. A line that people dont have to talk about. Its understood by everybody but you and whoever the hell these other people are...Let our family mourn and do it in private this is not putting just you and a dying woman in the spot light it is putting your whole family out there and seperating us whenever we need to be the closest but no its always all about mollie. cant be about everyone our mother cant even die in peace because of you only you and i hope you never live this one down. It would be best if you and your little husband moved somewheres far far away

What my brother and other family failed to realize is that those other people, the ones who understood and appreciated my post didn't have to personally know our mother. They knew the people they had lost and were losing from smoking related illnesses. They had a personal connection to this message the same way I do.. and they understood where I was coming from.


One of my brother's friends posted this..

Bradley Scott: .... but as Anthony said, you didn't have to put your mother's pictures on display. I'm sure there are more comparative pictures on google or somewhere.

And I'm sure there are... but those pictures aren't personal to me, my life, my experience with smoking. There are dozens of pictures of my mom on Facebook in the hospital looking sick, out of it, but because they are taken with someone healthy and smiling next to her they are OK to post?


The only difference in the picture I posted is the healthy smiling person next to my mom... is her.


All of those commercials you see on TV about starving children, or people killed by drugs or drunk drivers...those commercials touch your heart but then you turn the channel and forget about them don't you?


How easily would you forget about it if it were a picture of your family? Or of someone you knew?


As a kid I remember wishing I could participate in certain events, or go out with friends but we never had the money. As a kid I also remember wondering.... if we don't have the money for me to go to the movies with my friends... how do we have the money for mom to buy cartons of cigarettes every week? Or for dad to buy packs of Skoal?


By their choices my parents were telling me - this addiction we have - this thing that we do that we KNOW is killing us - it's more important than you.


A few years ago I brought my mom to New Orleans with me for a company Christmas party. We spent the day walking down Bourbon street and most of the walk was spent with my mom walking behind me.... so the cigarette smoke didn't blow in my face. She thought she was being considerate.


But she had no idea how much I'd have rather had her JUST NOT SMOKE and walk beside me.


This picture is my plea to every person out there who for whatever reason cannot see the damage they are doing by smoking.

"I'm not hurting anyone but myself"
"It's too hard, you just don't understand"
"I'll get fat if I quit"
"It helps me with stress"
"I've tried everything but I just can't quit"

Those are some of the most common excuses I've heard from not just my mom but my entire family.


I've watched my niece want to sit on her mother's lap and be told 'Not now Marley - mommy is smoking and you know it's yucky'


What kind of message is that sending?


Now think of your children.. your grandchildren, your spouse...your brothers, sisters, parents... and think of this.


Every time you put a cigarette in your mouth and light it you are, by your actions, telling them.

I love this thing more than I love having a long healthy life with YOU.

This is my family

This is my family on cancer

Don't let your last family portrait be like mine.


Please quit. If not for yourself... do it for your family.

http://www.smokefree.gov/
The Internet's leading cold turkey Quit Smoking resource
Free Government Resources to Help YOU Quit

Why yes I'd love cancer today - thank you!

Last week I lost an online friend because she, a smoker, didn't like what I had to say about smoking.

She tweeted "All I want to do is smoke lately. I could stand outside and chain smoke right now, I swear. No lectures please."

I replied - "we only lecture you because we love you - and because smoking is farking disgusting! =)"

She went on to tell me that my statement counted as a lecture and I could love her and refrain from lecturing - the same way another tweeter had done. I answered that I guess it was a good thing I wasn't that other tweeter then wasn't it - all with a smile and good natured intentions. Apparently she didn't think so because after a few more tweets back and forth she told me my opinion wasn't appreciated.

I let it go with her but tweeted a few statements about how I really just didn't understand why anyone would smoke - citing some of the most foul aspects of the habit. I even made sure to let her know that my statements were not directed at her, rather at my inability to understand smokers in general. She called me passive aggressive, self-righteous and said she didn't have any desire to talk to me further.

If you know anything about me, then you know that passive is not a word likely to be used when describing me. I've never shied from speaking my mind or expressing my feelings to anyone about anything. If I have a problem or issue then I'm much more likely to address it head on then whine about it and do nothing - which is a characteristic of someone who is passive-aggressive.

There are those in my family might agree with the self-righteous part, but I honestly do not think I as a person am better than anyone else. I do feel that I, for the most part, make better choices than some. But it's not because I'm smarter, or better than anyone. It's because I've made my wrong choices years ago and learned from them. I simply do my best to live a clean life and I choose to not participate in certain activities others do and not to surround myself with people who do things I don't.

If you're not ok with being nude, you're not going to hang out at a nudist colony. If you don't like rap music you're not going to go to a club that only plays rap. I don't smoke, drink or do drugs so I don't hang around with people who do those things. Yet more often than not, I find those people to be the ones pointing fingers and calling me names for separating myself from them.

Why is that people who do things that are bad for them are so quick to judge those who don't and call it ok, but when the suggestion is made that what they're doing isn't in their best interest it's being judgmental and self-righteous?

A therapist once told me that people who live lives doing things that are bad for themselves don't like hanging around people who don't because it makes them feel guilty. Being around a person who is perfectly happy not drinking, smoking or what have you emphasises to people who do those things that they are making less than ideal choices and they don't like it.

I have never, even one time smoked a cigarette. I have never been drunk. I have never tried any type of drug what-so-ever. I am also the ONLY person in my immediate and mostly extended family who can make any and/or all of those statements.

Growing up a child of smokers had a strong and lasting effect on me that didn't seem to carry over to my brother and sister. They both smoke. I remember as a young girl wishing for new clothes, or to be able to go to events my friends did but not being able to because we didn't have the money. I wasn't able to get a letter jacket, or a class ring, or go to prom because there wasn't money for those things, yet somehow my mom managed to afford 2 cartons of cigarettes a week and my dad two 5-packs of skoal.

~Each day 3,000 children smoke their first cigarette.

~At least 3 million adolescents are smokers.

~Tobacco use primarily begins in early adolescence, typically by age 16.

~Almost all first use occurs before high school graduation.

~20 percent of American teens smoke.

~Roughly 6 million teens in the US today smoke despite the knowledge that it is addictive and leads to disease.

~Of the 3,000 teens who started smoking today, nearly 1,000 will eventually die as a result from smoking.

Now the gal above doesn't have children so she might say her habit isn't hurting anyone. Chain smoking doesn't take away from anything or anyone in her life. I say she's wrong. Science and medicine agree.

~3,000 nonsmoking adults die of diseases caused by exposure to second hand smoke every year.

~Secondhand smoke causes coughing, phlegm, chest discomfort and reduced lung function in nonsmokers.

~Some 2 to 5 million US children suffer from asthma; of these, about 20 percent experience more asthma attacks and more severe attacks than their fellow young asthmatics, due to secondhand smoke.

~Secondhand smoke contains more than 4,000 chemical compounds, including carbon monoxide ( which poisons the human body), ammonia, formaldehyde, and other poisons. 4 of the chemicals – benzene, 2-naphthylamine, 4-aminobiphenyl, and polonium-210 are classified by the EPA as known carcinogens—cancer causing agents.

~The EPA has classified secondhand smoke as a carcinogen since 1992.

~A study published in the New England Journal of Medicine found that nonsmokers exposed to secondhand smoke were 25 percent more likely to have coronary heart diseases compared to nonsmokers not exposed to smoke.

Smoking, like alcoholism and drug addiction is a horribly selfish habit. If you want to spend all your money on toxins and spend your time smoking it up in your own home that's one thing. But when you take your habit outside, where people who have no desire to fill their lungs with tar are, it's another.

Since most restaurants and business have adopted a smoke-free policy, smokers have had to take their habit outdoors. Now they crowd around the doorways creating a cloud of toxins that non-smokers have to walk through to get in.

They take extra breaks at work that non-smokers do not get leaving others to fill in and cover the load while they're outside killing themselves and the planet.

They pollute the air at ball-games and events with no regard or care that the person next to them might not want to go home smelling like an ashtray.

And one of my biggest pet peeves is the litter. If I had a nickle for every cigarette butt I saw on the side of the road and littering the grassy medians I could retire now a rich woman.

When you participate in an action that causes you to be oblivious to the health and well-being of others it is a problem. When you know that your habit harms others and you choose to do it anyway - it's reprehensible.

So yea I'm going to tell you that smoking is bad. I'm going to point out that it stains your teeth and fingers, that it makes your hair and clothes stink. I'm going to remind you that you're not only killing yourself but those around you. And if that makes me self-righteous or passive aggressive then I'm ok with that.

Because this is my planet too damn it. This is my air, and my streets and my restaurant that I'm having dinner at with my boyfriend. And we shouldn't have to walk through your cloud of smoke or see the trash of your habit in our park because you're to selfish to care about the people you're hurting.