Muffin Top(ple) Monday

Operation Muffin Top(ple)- Day 1

5:45am the alarm goes off

I hit snooze

5:54am the alarm goes off

I hit snooze again

Rinse and repeat

At 6:15am I finally drag my butt out of bed and shuffle into the living room, wiping sleep from my eyes.

Grabbing the remote I click the OnDemand button and scroll down the menu until I get to the exercise and fitness channel. For the next ten minutes Leslie Sansone and I exuberantly, ok she exuberantly, stomped out one mile in my living room. The guys and gals on the video had a variety of weights to increase the intensity of the 'workout'. Anything from free weights, waist bands, elastic string looking things to weighted balls. I had oranges.

For weights, I held the oranges for my weights.

Surprisingly enough, you can build up a decent sweat in ten minutes. It's not like you just stand there and walk in one place. You do knee lifts, kick backs and side steps. Not to mention ol' girl is trucking it. This ain't no leisurely stroll around the neighborhood type walk. Throw in lifting your arms in every direction (with my orange weights) and you get a decent little work out.

Once upon a time I could jog a mile without being winded. Those days are long gone, so I'm starting slow, building up my endurance again so I don't burn out and give up. I figure I'll do the walk for a week, then try to move on to the one mile jog. I know that seems like a lofty aspiration but jogging in place (sort of) has to be a little easier than running around the block. Here's hoping anyway. But if not, I can always slow it down to a brisk walk until I catch my breath, or the swelling goes down in my eyes from beating my face in with my boobs. Which ever comes first.

Healthy eating is another part of this quest, but I'm sure I've bored you enough with my workout recap so I'll save the food stuff for later.

I have to say, as much as I resisted getting up early, after doing my little exercise this morning I felt really good. I also felt proud, after months of doing nothing but whining about how fat my ass is getting it feels really awesome to be doing something about it.

I also have to give a HUGE thank you to my honey Matthew FKA The Editor. He is and has been an incredible support, lifting me up and encouraging me to get active and take the right steps to get healthy.

Soon we'll be busting out that 15 Minute Hell video together like it's a walk in the park.

Operation Muffin Top(ple)

In December of last year I blogged briefly about getting back in the swing of working out and eating healthy. I talked about how I wasn't going to make a new year's 'resolution' to get in shape, but instead a New Life Resolution, changes to my life that would help me get back into the shape of my mid-twenties or just more healthy than I currently was (am).

It's the beginning of April and I'm embarrassed to admit that I've failed miserably. I worked out ehh twice. Once with Matthew and once by myself. After several years being carbonated beverage free, I've picked up drinking pop again (soda or coke for your southerners), and have gone from eating fast food once or twice a month to once a week. At least.

Add that to one of the many lovely side effects of Loestrin that my gyno put me on for PCOS and instead of losing weight, I've gained 20lbs. Add those 20 to the 70 I already needed to lose and you have one fat ass Crazy Cat Lady.

Well thank God for blogging, because two fabulous ladies who's blogs I adore have issued a challenge and I'm signing up!

Catherinette and KiKi have put out the word that dunlap disease is simply not acceptable this summer. If you don't know what dunlap disease is, it's when your belly 'dun lapped' over the top of your pants.

Example:

Now to me, this chic is relatively small, her pants are just way to damn tight creating what is also known as the 'Muffin Top'.

I've never been a small girl. I've always been fairly 'thick', but still very fit. I played sports for most of my youth and was very athletic. I've gained and lost a considerable amount of weight (60lbs give or take) twice since the age of 24. I'm back at the gained part of that cycle and I'm not happy.

Here is me in 2003

I don't think I'm being conceited when I say I looked damn good.

Here is me with my sister, b-i-l, and cousin at a concert last August.

I have surpassed the muffin top, and have moved on to the King Cake.

People, I have become a beast. And it is simply NOT acceptable anymore. So I've had Matthew dig up some Tae-Bo torrents and Billy Blanks is now on my computer ready to punch, kick and jab my ass back into some semblance of shape, other than round. But I've realized I can't do it alone. I simply do not have the discipline to drag my butt out of bed at 5:30am to exercise before getting ready for work, and I've tried working out when I get home in the evenings and it is just not for me. I'm tired after working all day. I want to curl up on the couch with my honey and watch tv, not wiggle my jiggle.

Here's where my blog/twitter pals come into play.

This is the welcome e-mail I received after expressing my interest in joining Operation Muffin Top(ple)

Good morning, fellow fatties. You have all expressed interest in participating in Operation Muffin Top(ple)! Kiki and I are delighted to announce that it is in fact in full swing. You can read more about the logistics by going reading the post on The Catherinette Chronicles or I'm Not Kidding.

Remember, this is all in the spirit of fun, and in hopes that we all shed those extra pounds that make us look more like Star Jones' before pics than the after ones.

Here's the skinny on how this is going to go down (twss).

Send the following to muffin.top@gmail.com :

A brief explanation of what you hope to accomplish, gain from this. Example: "I want to lose my fat muffin top so I can parade my slim ass in front of the bar where my ex-boyfriend hangs out and make him feel like an ass for being...well...an ass."

Your favorite recipe for those of us that are trying to lose some weight. Think cocktail recipe. Think cheese. Think chocolate. Recipes will be posted weekly on Monday's.

This part is optional...Submit a funny before pic to muffin.top@gmail.com or send it to 555-555-1234(that's my cell). The pic will NOT be posted. It doesn't have to be a full body shot. It can just be your muffin top, a saddle bag, your chubby fist throwing out those peeps, whatever.

Preferred method of communication: Kiki and I will be sending you "motivational" messages throughout the duration. Let us know if you want those in a text or email.

An idea of what you'd like to contribute to the prize package. We're thinking it would be fun if everyone sent in a little something (cheap) to include in the grand prize. We're thinking peeps, cheetos, something fun, whatever. You tell us.

Our hope is to have a Magical Muffin Giveaway on June 21st. We'll be looking for you to send in after pics along with what you gained (which will hopefully not be more weight) during the experience. Extra points for snarkiness.

If you have any questions, feel free to let us know!!

Let's do this, bitches!

Catherinette

These heifers aren't playing around. I've yet to get my honey to take a full length pic of me to send in, but plan on sobbing my way through that particular joy tonight. I've edited the phone number in the e-mail for privacy but left the Muffin Top(ple) group e-mail in case you want to sign up. The more fatties who sign up, the better the prize! Oh yea and the more support we can be to each other. The real prize will be getting in shape of course, for me anyway. Some of these gals will actually be strutting their stuff in a bikini by summer.

Bitches.

I'm too late to banish the belly rolls in time for my vacation to Puerto Vallarta (in 21 days!!!), so I'm shooting for my birthday instead. June is when the winner will be announced for Operation Muffin Top(ple), but I have a feeling I've got a lot more dunlap to delete than some of the other ladies, so I plan to keep on going until I reach my goal.

If you've been wanting to shake your shimmy and the shimmy be the only thing shaking but just haven't found the motivation to get off the couch then join us and make the only rolls on the beach this summer belong to someone else!

What a pretty face..

This is a saying I've heard countless times throughout my life. What those kind people who say this don't realize is that what they are saying is the pretty much the same as when cocky partially brain dead guys (I'll give them some credit) get together and scope out chics. Usually there is a rating system.

You've got

Totally smokin or as an old friend puts it "mad bangin"- hot face, hot body.

Buttaface - hot body, face... well there's always the dark.. and doggy style.

and finally Buttabody,

Man that girl has a pretty face...

But... her... body...

I know they mean well, and are genuine when they say it, but all it does to the person hearing it is point out how un-pretty the rest of their body is.

I've always been "thick". I'm guessing that I picked up those particular genes from my birth father's side of the family. His mom & aunts are all healthy women. Tall, stout, strong. Not necessarily big, but definitely not dainty or petite.

My mom is 5'6 and probably wears an 6-8 in pants, my sister is 5'3 and well her waist is about the size of my thigh, my brother 5'11, 165lbs soaking wet.

Here are the four of us (mom, me, sister & brother) at my sister's wedding.

Which of these things is not like the other??

When I was younger I was very athletic so even though I was larger than most girls my age I was very fit. Firm. Solid. No jiggly. I played softball on a city league, volleyball in college & basketball on a church team (that only lasted one season - I'm short).

But alas, with age things change. Body parts lose elasticity, things start heading south and really important organs stop functioning properly. I was diagnosed with Hypothyroidism about 3 years ago. I had put on quite a bit of weight in a very short period of time and hadn't change anything in my eating or exercise habits to explain it. I joined Bally's & started working out 5 days a week 1-2 hours a day and met with a personal trainer once a week who completely kicked my butt. 6 weeks later, no weight loss. Not one single pound. A friend suggested I get my thyroid checked out and viola' I had my answer.

I've put off talking about losing weight much on this blog for a few reasons. One, it's personal. Two, well duh, I don't want anyone knowing what I weigh. Plus I've read a few weight loss blogs and that seems to be all the writers post about. Granted they could very well be just weight loss blogs, but that's not what I want this one to be. So I've finally decided to bite the bullet and create one just for journalling my weight loss adventures and mishaps. I've put a link over to the left for your clicking enjoyment (and my own personal humiliation)

Why now? Well I've recently learned that in addition to having hypothyroidism, which causes me to gain weight very very easily and makes losing it ten times more difficult, I also have PCOS - Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (which also causes weight gain, yay me!). I won't bore you with the details of what PCOS is but if you want you can read about it here. One fact I will share with you though about PCOS is, and in regards to my longing to become a mother, the most important. It causes infertility, which means having PCOS will make it extremely difficult if not impossible to conceive.

So as a good friend pointed out the other day on the phone my biological clock is ticking and if I want any chance at having a child biologically I'd better get on it. Thanks friend. (rolling eyes here) No really, he is a good friend and I love him dearly. Up until now there's been one major problem with that happening, ok 2 major problems, but we're talking aside from the PCOS. I don't have a man. I'm not, nor have I been in a relationship with a person of the male (or female - but that's not relevant here) gender for almost 5 years. It's been a while but last I heard there had to be a guy involved in procreation in some way, shape or form.

We were talking and I explained that while In-Vitro isn't completely off the shelf as a possibility the idea of going to a sperm bank and picking out characteristics I'd like to see in my child like you'd pick out amenities in an apartment or something is just not terribly appealing to me.

Hmmm brown hair - check
Blue or green eyes - check
height x feet to x feet - check
IQ, medical history, athletic and/or musical ability and so on

I want to give birth to a child, not a souped up Maserati. So then he tells me (it's so simple why didn't I just think of it?!?) that all I had to do was find a guy, who's genes I liked and get him to donate some of his little fishes then I'd be good to go!

**side note - I just googled pictures of Maseratis. Well I wanted to make sure I was talking about a really sweet car.. and dang that's a nice ride!**

Well I tell him, my friend, sweetie, it's not exactly as easy as all that. To do it that way I'd have to one; meet someone new, which I'm not exactly skilled at doing, two; get to know him really well really quickly and three; try not to sound like a total nut job when I nonchalantly ask him to be my baby daddy.

Then there's the doctors visits, the guy depositing his little fishes in a cup, me getting my eggs (that I apparently don't always make) harvested and then tons of fun laying on a table while the doc shoots goo up my hooha with a turkey baster.

I'll get right on it!!

I've talked about adopting and more than likely that will end up being my method to motherhood, but I really really really really want the pregnancy and birth experience. It angers me that some defect in my body thinks it has the right to tell me I'm not allowed to have that.

But all hope is not yet gone. This friend.. whom I do truly love dearly (as a friend, no really just a friend) apparently realizes now important this is and says to me.. "I'll do it, I know how much you want to be a mom and it can be my gift to you". Talk about a present!! I've not decided 100% yet whether I'll take him up on his offer. There are many many factors to think about before making that kind of a decision.

But what I have decided to do is get proactive about making my chances of conceiving (health-wise) more likely. One way I can do that is by getting off the extra weight. I'll be meeting with a doctor to discuss treatment options for PCOS that may help with increasing my fertility and researching In-Vitro and other options of non-conventional conception and I'll share those findings and news as they occur. But for now my main focus is fighting the flab! Sounds sexy huh.

So that's my latest announcement. I'm getting for real serious about battling the bulge. I signed up on this site called Extrapounds.com. I'll be logging my weight (groan), exercise and what I eat daily. It's going to suck and it's going to be a lot of work but in the end it will all be worth it and if I don't end up being able to become a mother biologically then at least I'll be in much better shape to keep up with the baby I'll adopt!

Wish me luck, send positive thoughts my way and most importantly if you pray.. please think of me.

Here's to SUCCESS!!

1 and 2 and work and sweat and..

I joined a gym.

I'll give you a moment to regain your composure. Ok that's totally a cover, I'm giving myself a moment to regain my breath.

A while back I wrote a post about how I was going to venture out of my shell and join the world of the socially adept. What does that have to do with joining a gym you ask? Nothing and everything.

I also posted a while back about how I used to be a thick sexy chica and now I'm a ... uh.. thicker, not so sexy cow. No offense Bessie.





I gotta be me too. Only, since my thyroid crapped out a few years ago (I have hypothyroidism) and I've gained a bit of extra chunk I'm not so comfortable with the me I currently am. Which makes socializing a bit more difficult than usual. Although that isn't saying much for me since I'm pretty socially inept to begin with. So this is where the gym comes in.

When I lived in Michigan I had a membership at Bally's - home of the bodacious and boobalicious. Other than being the only person I ever saw there over a size 2, I enjoyed going. It was close to work so I could go after I got off. It was also in the mall. Talk about motivation. There's nothing like sticking a rack of sexy little halter dresses in front of you that may fit on your big toe to get you going! Working out at Bally's is actually what led me to discovering that I had hypothyroidism. My membership came with 8 personal training sessions and I jumped right in using them. The trainer was young, sweet, cute, buff and completely beat my ass once a week! After about the 6th week of working out 5 days a week, 1.5 to 2 hours a day and not losing 1 single pound I began to think something must be wrong. I was eating healthy according to the diet plan they give you, the trainer was working my butt so hard I was doing good to stay conscious at the end of our sessions and I had become a cardio freak! Yet Not One Single Pound.

So I went to the doc and they did some blood work and sure enough my T something or anothers were low. T3, T4. The crazy thing is, I'd been going to therapy for a couple of months prior because I was feeling constantly fatigued and down. I was a trip to the pharmacy away from taking anti-depressants. I can't tell you how thankful I am a friend suggested I get my thyroid checked out when she did. After I was diagnosed I did some research and found out that thyroid malfunction can cause all of the symptoms I'd been having.

These are just a few of the symptoms caused by hypothyroidism:

• Fatigue
• Weakness
• Weight gain or increased difficulty losing weight
• Coarse, dry hair
• Dry, rough pale skin
• Hair loss
• Cold intolerance (can't tolerate the cold like those around you)
• Muscle cramps and frequent muscle aches
• Constipation
• Depression
• Irritability
• Memory loss
• Abnormal menstrual cycles
• Decreased libido

I had about half of them. Thankfully not the icky ones. No decreased libido for me. No siree! But once I started taking medication to correct the thyroid insufficiency I was alert, happy and refreshed in about a week! So I've spent the past 3 years trying to get my T levels straightened out and have had a hellofa time loosing weight.

Back to the gym:

I started walking a couple of weeks ago around my neighborhood. I live in a really pretty area and the walk is enjoyable. I walked about a mile and a half 6 days a week in the evening when I got home from work. The weather was beautiful and I looked forward to being outside. Then it started getting chilly again and I uhh.. sort of stopped.

I've always wanted to be one of those people who was all gung-ho fitness that got up with the roosters and worked out every morning before work. I've just always been too tired to get up any earlier than normal to do it. Ok that's the excuse I've used for umpteen years. I can't get up any earlier, I don't get enough sleep as it is, I'm just sooooo tired in the morning. I'm not saying it's not true, it is. But it's also BS. A very convenient excuse to keep my butt in bed 30 more minutes snoozing the alarm. Well since moving to Mobile the early morning work out people have been sort of thrust in my face. Every morning on the way to work I see the same people out jogging. EVERY MORNING. 7:30am. Hot, cold, rain or shine. Dedicated jogging people. There are a whole different set of jogging people in the evenings on my way home. I don't care what anyone says, Mobile is a get fit inspiring city. It's hard to watch so many people daily out jogging, enjoying themselves, being healthy and not feel like a slug for going home after work and parking my big butt on the couch.

So there's this gym here called Planet Fitness, and their motto or slogan is that they are "The Judgment Free Zone".

Translation - no neckless roid monkeys grunting and throwing weights around frightening the natives. They actually have a buzzer that sounds if you get too loud on the machines or free weights. 3 buzzes and your out! It's a cool place where people who've never been to a gym before, or those who have been but are looking for a more comfortable atmosphere, can feel OK coming and working out.

I signed up last Thursday and have been completely psyched all weekend about getting up early this morning and working out. I spent half the day Saturday pre-cooking healthy lunches to bring to work, cutting up celery and other snacks, packing a "gym bag" with shampoo, body wash, a towel, clothes to change into for work, the essentials. It looked like I was going away for a week. I'm sure as I get used to the new routine my bag(s) will become smaller and I'll no longer wheel a suitcase to the gym with me. It was a small suitcase ok!

So this morning the alarm goes off at 6am. I'd already been up a few times, the latest time at 4am. Thanks to my demon cats from the depths of hell! I hopped up, brushed my teeth, threw the hair in a pony tail, pulled on some jogging pants and a t-shirt, loaded up my luggage and headed to the gym. The gym opens at 4:20am and there were already quite a few people in there. I did the elliptical for 30 mins then a 3 min cool down, showered got dressed and made it to work 10 mins early.

I feel great!

How I'll feel tomorrow morning is another story altogether, but for now I'm really happy that I finally found the motivation to actually put a desire I've had for a very long time in action. My plan is, I'm probably jumping in a bit deep this early out but we'll see, to do cardio 30 mins every morning before work, then after work hit the gym again and do the 30 min circuit they have. I LOVE circuit training. It makes thing so much easier and less complicated than a work out "schedule". Hmm do I do legs and back to day and arms tomorrow, or do I do abs and butt today then neck and toes tomorrow? In a circuit you do everything daily in one minute increments with 60 seconds of cardio in between each machine. PF's set up has step benches in a circle in front of all of the machines so you do x number of reps on machine A, hop off, do 60 seconds of stepping then on to machine B. By the time you're done you've gotten a complete body and aerobic workout in 30 minutes.

I'm still not brave enough to post my weight, but I'll be doing follow up posts on how much I've lost and how the workout process is going. I'm determined this time. My goal is to have lost 70lbs by my birthday in November. That's just under 9lbs a month which fits in the "safe and healthy" range of 1-3lbs a week. I know it sounds like a lot in a short amount of time but heck, those people on The Biggest Loser are losing between 40 and 100+ lbs in 6-8 weeks. WEEKS people. That's 10-20lbs a week! Granted I don't have Jillian standing on my head screaming 10 more seconds!! but I'm confident that I can do this.

So wish me luck and pray that God blesses me with endurance and muscle relaxers. I have a feeling I'm going to need plenty of both!

Speaking of change...

I finally decided to stop whining and complaining about how out of shape I've gotten since I moved back to hell (the south) from Michigan and got my fat keister off the couch and went walking after work today.

Let me tell you something.

IT FELT GREAT!!

It's just a bit chilly outside and there was a light breeze the entire time I walked. Today was 1.37 miles. I'm starting small. One of my goals is to be able to do the Azalea Trail Run next year. It's an annual race that Mobile hosts every year (hmm isn't that what annual means Mollie) and runners from all over the world come to compete. They have a 2k walk/run and a 10k run.

I'm no Katie Holmes but I think I can pull off being able to run 1.2 miles in a years time, or at least jog/walk 6! (I did the conversion from kilometers to miles, in case you're confused)

The first picture is me in Michigan in 2003 in the best shape I've been in since high school. The second one is me this past December 2007.

I was THICK in the 1st picture. I'm ok with that.

I am FAT in the second. I'm not ok with that.

I'm perfectly happy with the fact that I'll never be "skinny" I don't have skinny genes. I'm a thick girl. At peak shape I have a very athletic figure and in the 2003 pic, I think I look damn fine if I do say so myself.

Well athletic except for the gargantuan boobs. They unfortunately remain the same no matter how much weight I lose. argh

2003 in Michigan

and this past September 2007

Seriously LOOK at the difference in my face. I had a jawline and cheekbones and eyes that weren't half hidden underneath eyelid rolls.

I've been in a real funk the past week or so and I'm not sure what finally served as the motivation to get me in gear but I'm glad it did whatever it was!

I'm blogging about this because I need to be held accountable to sticking to this. By myself and by you, my readers. Both of you. =)

I've not quite gotten brave enough to do the weightloss journal thing, where you plaster your measurments and weight online for the world to see. I'm always inspired by people who are brave enough to do that. Know that it does help people like me and others who really really want to lose weight and (for me) get back in shape. But when I do it will read something like

Bust - Equator

Waiste - line of demarcation

Hips - laugh.. snicker.. laugh.. snort (not the candy bar people c'mon!)

I will post some before, progressing and after pictures though. As soon as I find someone with a wide angle lens to take them.

So wish me luck, pray, chant, meditate.. whatever it is you do to send positive, motivational vibes my way. I'm determined that I'll get back in shape by my 33rd birthday Nov 24th. "In Shape" is a slightly relative term, but my main goal is to get back into those jeans that I have on in that first picture up there. I still have them. I think I can get them up to just above my knees.

If anyone who reads me lives in the Mobile area and would like to volunteer as a walking partner let me know! I live in a beautiful neighborhood and the walk is really quite enjoyable.

Here's to being the next "Biggest Loser"!