A Time for Reflection

As the year comes to a close it's that time again. Time to reflect on the last year and what it has meant. What we've learned, how we've grown - or not grown. Time to list all the things we'll do different next year and swear to stick to the changes we promise ourselves.


2011 has been an incredibly intense year for me. There have been many changes, losses, new adventures and lessons learned.


In February my mother passed away after a year long battle with small cell lung cancer. Her illness, or rather our different reactions to it, caused a huge rift between myself and my brother and sister that is still healing and mending itself.


Shortly after that my little brother's phychotic now ex-girlfriend ran him over with her car. Yes literally. She mowed him down then took his wallet and left him lying in the street. Thankfully someone witnessed the whole thing and called 911. Praise God he was ok other than some seriously nasty abrasions and a messed up shoulder. The worst damage is the kind that is not visible.. and takes the longest to heal. It turns out he was the second boyfriend she'd hit with her car and is awaiting trial.


We also moved into a new apartment, in a new city in February. My work on the BP oil spill response relocated to Gulf Shores and after staying in a hotel for 2 months and only visiting our apartment in Mobile one day a weekend we decided to just relocate. Matthew found a great job with a company he loves & I left working as a contractor for BP and began work - still on the spill - as a contractor for the USFWS.


In March my husband and I went on a 10 day belated honeymoon to Scotland, London & Paris. Our second time ever to travel out of the country and we had an AMAZING time. Even getting lost - literally - for 6 hours in the forests of the Scottish Midlands couldn't take away from the beauty of our trip.


I had a combined 8 months of health issues and illnesses which took an enormous toll on me physically, mentally and emotionally. Being sick is hard.. being sick for over half of the year is brutal. As soon as my doctor would get one health issue fixed another would show up. 4 months of female reproductive malfunction, followed by 2 months of severe intestinal issues, followed by 2 months of bronchitis and upper respiratory gunk is enough to make a girl want to go mad. I'm still not 100% but I'm getting there.

Last month we attended a combined family reunion, Thanksgiving, my dad's 50th celebration and I was reminded once again how different I am from the rest of my family. It was a four day trip but after two we left to come home. An evening of witnessing underage drinking ruined it for me & I just didn't want to be there anymore. I often wonder how I ended up being the only person in my entire family who has such a strict moral code. Not to say my family doesn't have morals.. they're good people.. but they are much much more laid back about things than I am and it often causes conflict and tension. There are some things I will just never be willing to "relax" about.

On Friday Dec 23rd my work with the spill response will end and I will join the ranks of the unemployed, which in a good economy is scary enough... in a crappy one it's terrifying. We also live in a resort/vacation city and unless you have experience in hotels, restaurants or retail there is really not much work. I have 15yrs experience in a professional environment - it just doesn't happen to be any of those 3. Thankfully Matthew has the ability to transfer with his job so if worse comes to worse and I can't find work here we have the option to move to somewhere that has a more diverse job market.

And those are just the big things... this truly has been a beyond belief eventful year. There have been so many twists and turns, lessons and hardships that I'm honestly surprised I survived it.

I'd like to say I have this great hope for next year, that things will get better, and I'm sure after the holidays pass and things settle down I'll get to that place, but for now.. I'm just tired. I feel like I've been running a marathon for the past 350 days and I just can't ever catch up to the other runners. I feel bruised and battered and like I just need to crawl in my bed, pull the covers over my head and sleep for a year.

Doesn't paint a bright picture for a jolly Christmas, I know. *Shrugs*

Like all things.. this too shall pass. I just hope it passes quickly. I'm ready to stop feeling like I'm watching my life pass by and start feeling like I'm actually living it.

The Surrender Box

Or Letting go and Letting GOD.

Several years ago a church I attended had a visualization practice that went along with that Sunday's message which was about letting go of all the 'baggage' we carry around with us. The things we can't control, can't change and aren't helping ourselves our anyone else by holding on to.

Christians - heck people in general are famous for saying we've 'gotten over' past issues or let something go only to pick that thing back up and continue carrying it with us into our future. We'd rather hold on to hurt, anger, regret and punish ourselves with what could have, should have, would have been than accepting events in our lives for what they are and moving on to all the blessings we've yet to step in to.

The exercise we did that Sunday was a really neat way to help permanently let go some of those things we all hold on to.

Scattered over the steps at the alter were small red bricks and black sharpies. The pastor invited members of the congregation to come up, get a brick and a marker and write all the things in our lives we've wanted to give to God but for whatever reason just hadn't been able to let go of.

After covering your brick with those things you returned to the steps, knelt, prayed, and left your brick - and issues on the alter for God to take care of.

The action of physically leaving the brick there with all of your deepest secrets penned on it was symbolic of setting aside all those things you've been carrying for so long and leaving them behind, getting up fresh and renewed.

I can tell you there wasn't an unwritten space left on my brick and as I prayed over those hurts, angers, issues and the tears fell on the brick wetting the words I'd written I felt a weight lift from my shoulders that had been holding me down for a very long time.

I can't say that every past issue I had just magically stopped bothering me - I had way too much baggage for it to be that easy, but I can say that at least some of the scars healed and some of the anger faded.

Today's DailyOM is very similar to the exercise we did at church that day and a practice I think we may begin at home.

A Place for Worries and Fears

A surrender box is a tool to let go of our burdens so the universe can take care of them for us.

There are times when our minds become too full. Our to-do lists, worries, plans, and dreams may be so crowded together in our heads that we don’t have room to think. We may believe that we are somehow taking care of our desires and concerns by keeping them at the forefront of our minds. In maintaining our mental hold on every detail, however, we may actually delay the realization of our dreams and the resolution of our worries because we won’t let them go. At times such as these, we may want to use a surrender box.

A surrender box allows us to let go of our worries and desires so the universe can take care of them for us. We write down what we want or need to happen and then place the note into a box. By writing and placing our thoughts in the box, we are taking action and letting the universe know we need help and are willing to surrender our feelings. We give ourselves permission to not concern ourselves with that problem any longer and trust that the universe is taking care of it. You may even want to decorate your box and place it in a special place. Your surrender box is a sacred container for your worries. Not only do you free up space in your mind by letting go of our worries and desires and dropping them into your surrender box, but you are giving your burden over to a higher power. Once we drop our worries and desires into the surrender box, we free our minds so we can be fully present in each moment.

Surrendering our worries and concerns and placing them in the hands of the universe doesn’t mean that we’ve given up or have been defeated. Instead, we are releasing the realization of our desires and the resolution of our worries and no longer concerning ourselves with their outcomes. It’s always fun to go back and pull the slips of paper out of the box once your requests have been granted. And it’s amazing how quickly problems go away and dreams come true when we finally let go and allow a higher power to help us.

The Surrender Box is a great idea even if you're not a Christian. Most people believe that there is something out there. Some higher power that guides us all, so whether it's God, Allah, Buddha, Krishna, The Goddess or whom or what ever you believe in, the Surrender Box is something everyone can use.

Another great thing about this is it isn't just for adults. Kids today have so many stresses and worries that it's unhealthy. Not only do they worry about what is going on in school, with their friends, they pick up on what's going on at home too. Creating a family surrender box can be a great way to help them feel involved in what's bothering mom and dad and take an active part in helping with it.

Now I'm not saying you should burden your children with all of the stresses of being a parent, but if there are some small things - like wanting dad to get a raise, or issues with the car - little things that a kid can understand - talking to them about what's going on can not only help them understand the stresses or tensions they are most likely picking up on but help them feel more a part of what's going on in their lives and the family as a whole.

And including them in the creation of your family surrender box can be a fun family craft time!

So... what are you surrendering today?

Staying Grounded in Busy World

Life can get crazy busy and in the middle of our hustle and bustle we often lose track of the important things in life. we lose track of ourselves, sometimes we even lose track of the most important reason we're here and the most glorious gift of being alive and that is just to simply LIVE.

For a more grounded life, choose not to get caught up in the fast-paced world around you.

1. Live simply and live deliberately. By choosing not to get caught up in the details of this fast-paced world, you are doing your part to slow down. You will discover that you have more time to enjoy being alive.

2. Stay in touch with yourself. Soul searching, meditation, and journaling are just a few of the many activities you can take part in to stay aware and learn as much as you can about your emotions, reactions, likes, dislikes, dreams, and fears. Having a solid sense of self gives you a firm foundation for living in this world.

3. Support or teach others as often as you can. This can help you form connections with people while also giving you an opportunity to make the world a better place.

4. Consciously choose what you will allow into your being. The media bombards us with visions of hate, war, and pain. Be judicious about what you read, watch, and listen to.

5. Acknowledge the beauty that resides around you. Whether you live in a sprawling metropolis or a stereotypical suburb, there are natural and man-made wonders just waiting to be discovered by you.

6. Nurture your ties to your tribe. If you don’t have one, create a community that you can belong to. Modern life can be isolating. When you have a tribe, you have a circle that you are a part of. Its members – loved ones, friends, or neighbors - can be a source of support, caring, guidance, and companionship.

7. See the larger picture. Remember the way that you choose to live is not the only way to live. Widen your perspective by exploring other modes of being through research, travel, and discussion.

8. Embrace the challenges that life presents to you, and challenge yourself often. After a time, even the most exciting jobs or lifestyles can seem routine. Never stop assimilating new knowledge about whatever you are doing, and your life will never seem dull.

9. Move your body. In this busy world, it can be easy to live a sedentary life. Movement reacquaints us with our bodies and connects us to the earth in a visceral way. It also restores our vitality.

10. Make time for stillness, silence, and solitude. The world can be noisy, and we are subject to all kinds of noises nearly every waking hour. We are also often “on the go” and unable to relax. Being alone in a peaceful place and making time for quiet can help you stay in touch with yourself.

1-10 content from DailyOM