Equally Yoked - or How My Buddhist Husband Brought Me Closer to God

I am a Christian. A grew up in church, saved and baptized when I was 13, born again at 25, filled with the Holy Spirit - evidence of tongues - Christian. My husband is Buddhist.

When my husband and I met he was studying Buddhism but had not fully immersed himself into the religion so it didn't bother me much. After all, we all get a little side tracked now and then, but he'd grown up Christian and we loved the same God.

But as our relationship progressed and he became more dedicated to the Buddhist path the dogma of my Christian upbringing and youth spent in church began to cause me a bit of uncertainty.

I was never one of those girls who grew up planning their wedding. I never imagined what my husband would look like, or what kind of flowers I'd have. I didn't spend hours picturing our first dance or how my hair would be styled. Those things just never really mattered to me. I did have one picture of a dress torn out of a magazine that I tucked away for that special day but that was the extent of my 'when I get married' fervor.

When it came to getting married, there was one thing though that did matter. One thing that I knew would be an all or nothing stipulation for my groom to be and that was that we would be 'equally yoked'.

"Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness?" (2 Cor. 6:14, KJV).

My husband and I would both be Christians, go to church together, pray and read the Bible together and love the same God.

So as Matthew and I became more serious I started to worry about how 'unequally yoked' we appeared to be. I believed in Jesus... he followed Buddha. And that's where I got hung up. But our relationship progressed, we got engaged and as any 'good Christian' wife-to-be would do, I began praying for his conversion or 'return to God' in time for the wedding.

I've always had a slightly different view on God and the Bible than most Christians I know.. some things I'd been taught just didn't add up with the God I knew in my spirit but that yoking thing was apparently drilled in pretty deep because it really started to wear on me. But I had faith and was sure he'd 'come around' and everything would be fine. I mean he grew up in a Christian home.. his dad was a Southern Baptist minister for crying out loud.

No go back... you didn't say that right...drop your voice an octave......

slow down.....

and try again.. 

Suuuuthernnn Baptist. There you go. We're talking DEEP South Southern. 

To the point where if Matthew was caught trying to read a book about another religion his parents would take it and properly scold him about the dangers of letting in demons and the like by reading anything other than 'Godly' material. So I thought surely this Buddhist thing was just a fad.. a lingering rebellion and he'd snap out of it and go back to being a Jesus freak like me.

What I didn't know then.. and has taken me almost 3 years to realize is that He loved Jesus and God the same way I did all along. He worshiped the same God. We had the SAME beliefs. He just used a different method on his path to spiritual growth than I did.

I recently had an extended Facebook debate with a Christian friend who is the exact same as I was back before I decided to stop putting God in a box and let Him be GOD. She in short 'educated' me about how Buddhists worship Buddha as their God, and how they thought Jesus was 'below' Buddha and how she had no need or desire to read about any religion other than her own and from no other book than the Bible because that's what a Christian was supposed to do.

Needless to say I failed in my attempt to help her see how grossly incorrect she was in pretty much every statement she made because even though she'd never read one single thing about Buddhism she knew all she needed to know about it because she read the Bible.. and that gave her the right and authority to tell me (I'm paraphrasing here) that my husband - and I by proxy - was going to hell for worshipping false Gods and that she'd pray I found my way back to the 'real' God. Because apparently mine was fake.

It made me sad... for her.. and for myself - because I'd been just like her for so many years.

Blind in my 'faith' and unyielding in my views. Funny how easy it is for us to skip over or completely forget what the Bible actually says when it suits us... I mean I'm pretty sure Jesus said that we should Study and show ourselves approved.

"Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth. "  (2 Tim. 2:15, KJV).

Our different faiths actually caused some problems the first year of our marriage.. I wanted a strong spiritual head of my home.. a husband that 'led me' in the right path who sat down and read the Bible and prayed with me and Matthew's Buddhist practice of meditation and mantras just wasn't giving me that. It wasn't that he didn't try... he did... it was that I wanted him to believe like I did and anything else just wasn't good enough.

Thank God (literally) that I've always been open to His voice and leading - even when I wasn't open to anyone else and I finally realized that I was being selfish. I wanted my husband to follow my faith my way yet I couldn't even be bothered to so much as read a webpage about his... his faith and spiritual practice that was just as important to him as mine was to me and here I was completely disregarding it because it didn't fit in the box I'd put God in.

It was hard but I finally opened my mind to learning something knew and in the process I found my heart opening more to God. The same God I grew up learning about and loving in small town Southern (did you say it right this time) Baptist church. Learning about Buddhism didn't make me a Buddhist, or less of a 'Christian'. It didn't take away from my faith and it wasn't going to condemn me to the fiery depths of hell.

What it did was open my eyes to how amazingly big and wonderful God truly is. God can't be put in a box.. and just because I call him 'God' and you call him 'Dios' doesn't mean we're not worshiping the same marvelous Creator.

This is a slight segway in this particular post so I'm only going to mention it briefly but I feel it warrants attention. You may have noticed that I spelled God in both English and Spanish as explanation that people may call God by a different name but He's still the same God....

Allah... is GOD in Arabic... it literally translates to 'the God'. Little mind blowing trivial for the Muslim haters out there. Same GOD.. different LANGUAGE.

Now back to Jesus...

By being open to actually educating myself about something I was unfamiliar with I learned that the core teachings of Buddha and Jesus are almost identical. In fact - Buddha taught those same core teachings a few hundred years before Jesus was ever born. If they'd lived in the same time I fully believe they would have been best of friends and brothers in their mission to bring the world to enlightenment through peace and love. 

Now I personally claim Christianity as my 'religion' because it was Jesus who led me to God.. it was through Jesus' story that I learned who God was and developed the amazing relationship that I have with my Creator today. For my husband.. it was Buddha's teachings that brought him to that place.

He doesn't worship a different God than I do... he doesn't discredit Jesus for what He did by dying on the cross. He's not anti-Christian or a lost sinner because he's Buddhist. His journey to God just took a different fork in the road than mine did.

.... The important thing to know here is that this forked road didn't take us on to separate paths... it brought us to the same one.

I now have a closer relationship with God than ever and my husband and I, both as individuals and as a couple, are growing leaps and bounds in our spiritual walk. A walk we're taking together.

Fairytale Love

When I was growing up my mom had a bookshelf full of Danielle Steele & Harlequin romance novels. Around the age of 15-16 I started reading them.

I read about star crossed love, all consuming passion, feeling like someone was the center of your universe.. I read about fighting and making up, I read about overcoming insurmountable obstacles for love. I read about hot sex.... - well they were romance novels.

But the thing that stuck with me most in all of the books was the idea of what 'true love' was. What it felt like, what it looked like, how it made someone treat you and how it make you treat the person you loved in return.

I read that true love was all encompassing, breath taking, joyful and heart breaking... I read that true love always won... that true love conquered all.. and since that's pretty much what I'd been taught in church and reading the Bible it didn't seem all that unreal or unreasonable to me - in spite of never really having experienced that kind of love first hand or having seen it between my parents or family members.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 ESV

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant (5) or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; (6) it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. (7) Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

I believe to this day, with all my heart that I truly loved the person I was in a relationship before my husband. He ended up being abusive and it took me 3 years to finally walk away. I know you're thinking.. she probably said she stayed because she loveeeeed him and that is what most women in those types of situations do say. Well I did love him but I stayed because I was scared, and young and naive and didn't know any better. When I finally left it wasn't because I realized that I didn't love him.. I did.. it was because I realized that I loved myself more. Sometimes love means walking away - especially if it's one sided.

That relationship put a big dent in my view of love. I could say there were many other factors in there as well - my birth father was never a part of my life (abandonment issues).. I never felt like I belonged or fit in with my own family (never good enough).. or really that I was even liked, much less loved by most of them (unlovable)... I have always been different from everyone else I've ever known... I didn't have a relationship with my mother... the list goes on and on and while some, hell probably most of those things probably had and to some extent still have some effect on the way I love and allow myself to be loved they never broke the dream of what I, in the deepest part of my heart, believed love was supposed to be.

All the hurts and let downs I've had in my life never crushed me to the point where I gave up on or stopped believing in love.

After leaving my ex it took 5 years of being single before I even dared the idea of putting myself 'out there' again and even attempt dating much less opening myself up to loving someone or being loved in return, but I finally did and I met my husband.. whom I love dearly.. and who loves me dearly in return.

But even with that love being returned things aren't the way I dreamed they would be.

Lately I've been feeling lost in life...my joy seems to have gone missing and I'm having a hard time finding it. This funk, for lack of a better word, I've found myself in has resulted in me becoming much more 'needy' of my husband than I usually am and it's also made me much more aware and affected by things he does that I normally would be able to brush off. When I ask for your attention I want it NOW, not when you finish the level you're playing on your game, or when you finish reading a couple of e-mails or whatever it is that you're doing that doens't involve your very real human live wife! It's also brought me back to what my idea of love is...

My husband says that the kind of love I talk about only exists in movies or romance novels. He says that the husband I want him to be isn't reasonable, realistic or even possible. I say he's wrong.

This leaves me in a scary place... I believe with all of my heart and soul that the kind of love I believe in is real... and I believe that my husband and I are 100% capable of experiencing it and showing it to one another, but I wonder can two people who've never been shown or experienced that kind of true love find their way to it.

My husband's parents divorced when he was young - his mom and dad fought a lot and from what I understand didn't have the best relationship. His mom remarried as did his dad and while both are still married to their respective spouses neither of them have a kind of relationship I'd call normal or healthy. His mom & step-dad are pretty apathetic about life in general. I've never seen them be affectionate to one another or heard them tell each other I love you. His dad and step-mom are an uber Christian version of a Stepford house. His dad is the 'man' of the house and his step-mom does his every bidding and agrees with everything he says. Neither of those reflect the kind of marriage I want.

So neither of us grew up with great examples of healthy happy love... and where I'm apparently a romantic at heart, he's a very fact based, scientific reasoning driven realist. Which lately leaves us both in a not so happy place.

I believe that next to God your spouse comes first. I believe that a human living wife should take precedent over ANY electronic devise - well unless it's a defibrillator and someone is in cardiac arrest - and that it takes spending time together, communicating and cherishing each other to have a happy marriage.

I believe....I believe that I've come to a point where I'm stumbling over words and have no idea where I want or need to go with this anymore....

I guess that's the thing about using writing as a cathartic means... you just write until you get out what you need to get out and eventually - finished thought or not - you run out of steam.

Ladies and gents I seem to have reached that point... I'm spent. My heart is breaking, my soul is weary and I'm deep down to the bone tired.

I spent a lot of time crying today and calling out to God for some kind of peace... some kind of help to regain the joy I used to have in life, to regain the connection I used to feel with Him and a way to fill the emptiness that is currently devouring my soul... and while I didn't get an audible response I do think He answered.

We have rows and rows of books in our apartment and searching for something - anything - I came across "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren. I'm a big believer that God puts things in front of you when you need them most so I'm believing out of all the spiritual and religious books we have that this one stood out most for a reason.

"The Purpose Driven Life"  is 40-day spiritual journey that will transform your answer to life's most important question: "What on earth am I here for?"

And I think that's just what I need.

God is truly amazing in ways I can't even begin to put into words... as I'm typing this, crying, feeling lost I had a thought come through my mind... a quiet thought that.. in trying to be the best wife I can I've forgotten how to be the best ME I can.... In getting caught up in the role of spouse, I've lost who I am in the role of ME. In trying to once again take care of someone else in my life, I've stopped taking care of ME.

I expect I'll write a lot in the next 40 days... and Praise God I also expect I'll find my way back to who I really am in Him.. and I'll find my way to being the wife my husband needs and finding the man I need in my husband. Because in Him I KNOW the kind of love I dream about is real.

Peace on Earth and good Lord that hurt!

I acquired my second tattoo last night and I will not even try to be one of those people who say "Oh nooo it didn't hurt at allllll!".

They LIE.

It hurts, a lot. But the pain is only temporary.

People get tattoos for different reasons. Some like the art, some select a picture that connects them to a special time or person in their life, some get drunk and wake up with a half naked chic on their chest, and some choose a word or phrase that has special meaning. I fall into the latter category.

I got my first tattoo in July of 2001. My sister had just turned eighteen and she, I, our step-brother, my ex-fiance, and his brother all went together with her to get her first tattoo. My ex-fiance is covered in tattoos. That's actually what he does for a job now and from what I understand he and a friend just opened a shop in Michigan.

While we were waiting for my sister to have her tattoo drawn, Lazeras (the ex-fiance's screen-name) and I decided that we wanted to get one too so we started looking through books. Now I've never been one of those silly females who will run and get a guys name inked on her boob or posterior - my apologies if you are, no offense intended - so the decision to get a 'matching' tattoo was something I did not step into lightly.

Love, faithfulness, each others names ~ are all things that you couldn't pay me to get permanently inked on my body. So we decided - ok I decided - to go with something that, in the event that we didn't make it, could have an alternate meaning. I also picked the place we would get them, on the back of our necks, so I could choose whether mine is visible or not. I'm sure his new wife just preens with joy every time he steps in front of her and she sees the mark on his neck permanently expressing his 'love' for another woman. Anyway.

So we went with the Japanese symbol for Eternal

(Rough translation - eternity)

As in, how long our love would last.

I know, I know. Gag me. But like I said, I's was a smart girl with a plan for an alternate ending.

Eternal is also the life that I have through Christ.

It is along that same thought process that I chose my 2nd tattoo.

Sar Shalom

Hebrew for 'Prince of Peace'

Last year an elder gentleman that lived in the apartments I lived in when I first moved here to Mobile lent me a book he thought I'd enjoy reading. It was called 'Praying the Names of Jesus' by Ann Spangler.

The book goes through 26 names Christ is known by and one that stood out to me most was Prince of Peace. I've mentioned in previous posts that I am a thinker. I will analyze something to absolute death, then revive it so I can think it to death again. The idea that I can just sit back and relax and have absolute Peace is almost an alien concept to me. But in actuality it's so much more than an idea. It is and can be, for anyone who chooses, an absolute reality.

There is nothing on this planet, in all of Heaven and Earth that God hasn't already seen and dealt with. So for me, Prince of Peace, serves as a reminder - a red ribbon around my finger - so to speak, that when people, things, life in general start to get to me and I begin my process of thinking myself into an absolute state of spazziness (it's my blog, I can make up words if I want to) I can look at my wrist and remember. Jesus paid it all, and all I have to do to have total Peace is trust in Him.

He was, is and always will be my Prince of Peace.

My friend Matthew went with me to offer moral support. Ok, he really went so he could laugh at me if I cried, but hey that's what friends are for right? I didn't laugh, but I did have to try awfully hard to refrain from letting loose a few choice words so he got a laugh or two in anyway.

Matthew is a relatively new friend I met on OKCupid. He is one of the 3 fellas I mentioned in a previous post that were better suited to 'friend' category than 'date' and I have to say I am glad he's content to fill those shoes. So far he's been a pretty good friend and I'm happy to have him around.

So here are a few pictures of the process. Thank you Matt (not to be confused with Matthew) of Royal Street Tattoo for my newest art piece.

A shiny ink free wrist - the 'canvas'

Me and Matthew

Matt - the artist who funny enough does kind of resemble Matthew

The template and finished product

This morning - not so red and puffy anymore!

You can't really tell from the pictures here, but the 'letters' are outlined in black and filled in with light blue with white highlights. Since the symbols are so small Matt suggested I just have them completely filled in, but I wanted to be complicated (I know you're so suprised!) and have some color. I may eventually go with his suggestion and have it filled in later but I'll wait a while and see how it settles after it heals to see.

Some may wonder why I chose the location ~ well there are dual reasons. One, is because I'd like to find the translation of 'My Provider' and have it done on my right wrist. But the deeper and more personal reason is having it on my wrist serves as a symbol of just what Jesus voluntarily went through so I could have that Peace I so often struggle with. In light of that, anything I might face seems kind of like small potatoes.

Excerpts from.....

The following is an excerpt from the book "Home with God; in a Life that Never Ends". Written by Neale Donald Walsch. This is a conversation that took place between Neale and God. In this part of the book Neale asks God the question in the first 2 paragraphs.... what follows was God's answer to him.

It touched me.. and I hope it touches you.

Neale: May I ask you what may seem like a strident question?

God: Certainly

Neale: Why do we have to reach out to you before you reach out to us? If you really are an all-knowing God, then you must know when we need help. If you really are an all-merciful God, then you must be willing to offer that help -- without our asking. If we are already on our knees, bent over in utter defeat, why must we grovel even more and plead with you to rescue us? If you are an all-loving God, why don't you love us enough to help us without us having to beg you?

And while we're at it, what do you say to those who would tell you, "I have called out to you, and you have not been there! Do you think I have not asked for God's help? For God sake, why do you think I'm so desperate! I'm so desperate because it seems like even God has let me down! I'm utterly deserted here. And I want none of it anymore. I'm done. Finished. Through"

What do you say to that person, huh?

God: I say......

I want you to consider now the possibility of a miracle. There is a reason why you have not experienced receiving a solution from me, but that reason is not important in this moment. What is important in this moment is for you to consider the possibility that now, right now in front of you, there is an answer. Open you eyes and you will see it. Open your mind and you will know it. Open your heart and you will feel it there.

I say.....

Only if you call out to me in absolute knowing will you be aware that your answer has been given you. Because it is what YOU know. what YOU feel, and what YOU declare that will be true in your experience. If you call out to me in hopelessness, I will be there, but your despair may blind you, and block you from seeing me.

I say.....

Nothing you have done is so horrible, nothing you have had happen to you is so beyond repair, that it cannot be healed. I can and shall make you whole again.

Yet you must stop judging yourself. the one making the strongest judgment is you. Others may judge you from the outside looking in, but they do not know you, they do not see you, and so their judgments are not valid. Do not make them valid by taking them on as your own. They have no meaning

Do not wait for others to see you as you really are, for they see you through the eyes of their own pain. Know instead, that I see you now, in wonder, and in truth, and that what I see of you is Perfect. As I look upon you I have but one thought: "This is my beloved, in who I am well pleased."

I say....

Forgiveness is not necessary in the Kingdom of God. God cannot be offended or damaged in any way. There is only one question of importance in the entire universe, and it has nothing to do with your guilt or innocence. It has to do with your identity. "Do you know who you really are"? When you do, all thoughts of loneliness disappear, all ideas of unworthiness evaporate, all contemplations of hopelessness transmute into wondrous awareness of the miracle that is your life. And the miracle that is you.

And finally, my beloved I say.....

You are surrounded in this very moment by a hundred thousand angels. Accept, now, their ministrations. And then, pass their gift on to others. For it is in giving that you shall receive, and it is in healing that you shall be healed. The miracle for which you have been waiting has been waiting for you. You will know then when you become the miracle that another awaits.