Beautiful you..

"Honey there is nothing sexy about my rolls."

Let me clear up any possible confusion, that statement has nothing to do with bread.

Matthew is often telling me how sexy he thinks I am. How much he loves 'all of me', just the way I am.

I am often contradicting him, telling him he's crazy, that there is just nothing even remotely attractive about fat.

There's this song I've been hearing on the radio lately that I love. I know all the words, I sing along and dance in the car when it comes on, but for some reason until this morning I apparently haven't really been hearing it.

If you've been around my blog the last few days then you know that I've joined up with a group of fellow bloggers/tweeters in a friendly competition to lose our muffin tops.

What is a muffin top?



That thing hanging out between the bottom of her shirt and the top of her pants.

Maybe it's the new found determination to get back into shape and improve my health, maybe it's that I have a wonderful man at home who never fails to make me feel loved, or maybe it was just the right time for the lyrics of that particular song to click into place but whatever it was, it got me thinking.

Who was it that made me feel less than beautiful because I have a little extra to love? Ok so I have a lot extra. But so what. Right?

I had to do a little digging and if you're one of those people (like me) who cringe at the site of a little cellulite you may want to prepare yourself, but I finally found some pictures that show just how far we've come - or fallen - in the idea of what is and isn't beautiful.

Here are 3 paintings from the Renaissance period, I believe.

The Three Graces
Charites, known in Greek mythology as The Three Graces, goddesses of such things as charm, beauty, and creativity.

These women were considered beautiful. Heck the first painting reflects women who were thought to be goddesses. Goddesses of charm, beauty and creativity! They are NOT stick thin size 6 women. Hell they're not even size 8 women. More likely they were closer to a 14-16. They have tummies, and thick thighs. They have curves and shape. And they were beautiful. They were art!

So what happened? When did we, society start thinking that 'thin was in'? And when did we, women start believing that rubbish?

I'm the first to say that I don't find fat attractive. Seeing myself naked is enough to threaten my lunch to return from whence it came. Yet my boyfriend finds me beautiful. He enjoys my naked body, rolls and all. Just last night I was in the kitchen cooking and he came up behind me and slid his arms around my waist and told me how awesome I was, while rubbing up and down on my tummy.

I'm not, nor have I ever been attracted to heavier guys, even though I'm far from small myself. My ex-fiance gained a good bit of weight after we'd been together a while and seeing his body go from relatively fit to flabby completely turned me off.

Why?

Was it that seeing his flab reminded me of my own? Was it that I'd been conditioned to buy into the crap that in order to be attractive, sexy, handsome, you have to be a certain size or shape?

I've never been "thin", have honestly never wanted to be. I'm perfectly ok, happy even being a thick chic. But there's 'thick' and then there's 'fat'. And fat is where I feel I am now. Fat is what makes me want to turn out the lights when the clothes come off and the lovin' comes on. Fat is what makes me stand in front of my closet dreading having to find something that camouflages my 'muffin top' and back fat.

But to the man who loves me - I am perfect just the way I am. I am beautiful.

That's where the song ties into all this. It talks about a little girl, and then a young woman who've bought into the crap the media feeds us that we have to look a certain way to be beautiful, then the chorus says "There can never be a more beautiful you... You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do. So there could never be a more beautiful you."

So I'm issuing a challenge, and it's one I'm going to take myself. Tonight when you get home, or tomorrow when you get up - get undressed and stand in front of a mirror. Oh Shut up, it will not crack, break or shatter. And yes you DO have one big enough. But look at yourself. Look at yourself in the way that someone who loves you does. See what they see.

I'm not in the best shape I've ever been in and my need to lose weight is more based on health issues than worrying about my appearance, but I'm just as guilty of looking in the mirror and feeling ugly because my body doesn't look how I'd like it to. But in spite of my extra jiggle and the rolls that have nothing to do with dinner er ok, mostly to do with dinner, but you know where I was trying to go with that - for those who are like ummm huh?

Get it - rolls...dinner..
Dinner rolls

ok where were we?

Right, naked. Naked and beautiful. Because no matter what size you are, how much cellulite you have, if you've been guilty of stuffing your extra top stomach into your pants so you look like you have some sort of a waist line You ARE BEAUTIFUL.

God created you for a specific purpose. You have a reason for being on this earth, a place that no one else can fill. So if you need to drop a few pounds to feel better about yourself, or get in better health that's one thing, but if you're starving yourself and dragging ass at the gym every morning because you think losing a bit of fluff around the middle will make you 'prettier' then give yourself a swift kick in the ass sister. Drag yourself to a mirror and say these words...

I AM BEAUTIFUL. JUST AS I AM.

NOW BELIEVE IT.

Because it's true

More Beautiful You

Little girl fourteen flipping through a magazine
Says she wants to look that way
But her hair isn’t straight her body isn’t fake
And she’s always felt overweight

Well little girl fourteen I wish that you could see
That beauty is within your heart
And you were made with such care your skin your body and your hair
Are perfect just the way they are

There could never be a more beautiful you
Don’t buy the lies disguises and hoops they make you jump through
You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do
So there could never be a more beautiful you

Little girl twenty-one the things that you’ve already done
Anything to get ahead
And you say you’ve got a man but he’s got another plan
Only wants what you will do instead

Well little girl twenty-one you never thought that this would come
You starve yourself to play the part
But I can promise you there’s a man whose love is true
And he’ll treat you like the jewel you are

So turn around you’re not too far
To back away be who you are
To change your path go another way
It’s not too late you can be saved
If you feel depressed with past regrets
The shameful nights hope to forget
Can disappear they can all be washed away
By the one who’s strong can right your wrongs
Can rid your fears dry all your tears
And change the way you look at this big world
He will take your dark distorted view
And with His light He will show you truth
And again you’ll see through the eyes of a little girl

Muffin Top(ple) Monday

Operation Muffin Top(ple)- Day 1

5:45am the alarm goes off

I hit snooze

5:54am the alarm goes off

I hit snooze again

Rinse and repeat

At 6:15am I finally drag my butt out of bed and shuffle into the living room, wiping sleep from my eyes.

Grabbing the remote I click the OnDemand button and scroll down the menu until I get to the exercise and fitness channel. For the next ten minutes Leslie Sansone and I exuberantly, ok she exuberantly, stomped out one mile in my living room. The guys and gals on the video had a variety of weights to increase the intensity of the 'workout'. Anything from free weights, waist bands, elastic string looking things to weighted balls. I had oranges.

For weights, I held the oranges for my weights.

Surprisingly enough, you can build up a decent sweat in ten minutes. It's not like you just stand there and walk in one place. You do knee lifts, kick backs and side steps. Not to mention ol' girl is trucking it. This ain't no leisurely stroll around the neighborhood type walk. Throw in lifting your arms in every direction (with my orange weights) and you get a decent little work out.

Once upon a time I could jog a mile without being winded. Those days are long gone, so I'm starting slow, building up my endurance again so I don't burn out and give up. I figure I'll do the walk for a week, then try to move on to the one mile jog. I know that seems like a lofty aspiration but jogging in place (sort of) has to be a little easier than running around the block. Here's hoping anyway. But if not, I can always slow it down to a brisk walk until I catch my breath, or the swelling goes down in my eyes from beating my face in with my boobs. Which ever comes first.

Healthy eating is another part of this quest, but I'm sure I've bored you enough with my workout recap so I'll save the food stuff for later.

I have to say, as much as I resisted getting up early, after doing my little exercise this morning I felt really good. I also felt proud, after months of doing nothing but whining about how fat my ass is getting it feels really awesome to be doing something about it.

I also have to give a HUGE thank you to my honey Matthew FKA The Editor. He is and has been an incredible support, lifting me up and encouraging me to get active and take the right steps to get healthy.

Soon we'll be busting out that 15 Minute Hell video together like it's a walk in the park.

Operation Muffin Top(ple)

In December of last year I blogged briefly about getting back in the swing of working out and eating healthy. I talked about how I wasn't going to make a new year's 'resolution' to get in shape, but instead a New Life Resolution, changes to my life that would help me get back into the shape of my mid-twenties or just more healthy than I currently was (am).

It's the beginning of April and I'm embarrassed to admit that I've failed miserably. I worked out ehh twice. Once with Matthew and once by myself. After several years being carbonated beverage free, I've picked up drinking pop again (soda or coke for your southerners), and have gone from eating fast food once or twice a month to once a week. At least.

Add that to one of the many lovely side effects of Loestrin that my gyno put me on for PCOS and instead of losing weight, I've gained 20lbs. Add those 20 to the 70 I already needed to lose and you have one fat ass Crazy Cat Lady.

Well thank God for blogging, because two fabulous ladies who's blogs I adore have issued a challenge and I'm signing up!

Catherinette and KiKi have put out the word that dunlap disease is simply not acceptable this summer. If you don't know what dunlap disease is, it's when your belly 'dun lapped' over the top of your pants.

Example:

Now to me, this chic is relatively small, her pants are just way to damn tight creating what is also known as the 'Muffin Top'.

I've never been a small girl. I've always been fairly 'thick', but still very fit. I played sports for most of my youth and was very athletic. I've gained and lost a considerable amount of weight (60lbs give or take) twice since the age of 24. I'm back at the gained part of that cycle and I'm not happy.

Here is me in 2003

I don't think I'm being conceited when I say I looked damn good.

Here is me with my sister, b-i-l, and cousin at a concert last August.

I have surpassed the muffin top, and have moved on to the King Cake.

People, I have become a beast. And it is simply NOT acceptable anymore. So I've had Matthew dig up some Tae-Bo torrents and Billy Blanks is now on my computer ready to punch, kick and jab my ass back into some semblance of shape, other than round. But I've realized I can't do it alone. I simply do not have the discipline to drag my butt out of bed at 5:30am to exercise before getting ready for work, and I've tried working out when I get home in the evenings and it is just not for me. I'm tired after working all day. I want to curl up on the couch with my honey and watch tv, not wiggle my jiggle.

Here's where my blog/twitter pals come into play.

This is the welcome e-mail I received after expressing my interest in joining Operation Muffin Top(ple)

Good morning, fellow fatties. You have all expressed interest in participating in Operation Muffin Top(ple)! Kiki and I are delighted to announce that it is in fact in full swing. You can read more about the logistics by going reading the post on The Catherinette Chronicles or I'm Not Kidding.

Remember, this is all in the spirit of fun, and in hopes that we all shed those extra pounds that make us look more like Star Jones' before pics than the after ones.

Here's the skinny on how this is going to go down (twss).

Send the following to muffin.top@gmail.com :

A brief explanation of what you hope to accomplish, gain from this. Example: "I want to lose my fat muffin top so I can parade my slim ass in front of the bar where my ex-boyfriend hangs out and make him feel like an ass for being...well...an ass."

Your favorite recipe for those of us that are trying to lose some weight. Think cocktail recipe. Think cheese. Think chocolate. Recipes will be posted weekly on Monday's.

This part is optional...Submit a funny before pic to muffin.top@gmail.com or send it to 555-555-1234(that's my cell). The pic will NOT be posted. It doesn't have to be a full body shot. It can just be your muffin top, a saddle bag, your chubby fist throwing out those peeps, whatever.

Preferred method of communication: Kiki and I will be sending you "motivational" messages throughout the duration. Let us know if you want those in a text or email.

An idea of what you'd like to contribute to the prize package. We're thinking it would be fun if everyone sent in a little something (cheap) to include in the grand prize. We're thinking peeps, cheetos, something fun, whatever. You tell us.

Our hope is to have a Magical Muffin Giveaway on June 21st. We'll be looking for you to send in after pics along with what you gained (which will hopefully not be more weight) during the experience. Extra points for snarkiness.

If you have any questions, feel free to let us know!!

Let's do this, bitches!

Catherinette

These heifers aren't playing around. I've yet to get my honey to take a full length pic of me to send in, but plan on sobbing my way through that particular joy tonight. I've edited the phone number in the e-mail for privacy but left the Muffin Top(ple) group e-mail in case you want to sign up. The more fatties who sign up, the better the prize! Oh yea and the more support we can be to each other. The real prize will be getting in shape of course, for me anyway. Some of these gals will actually be strutting their stuff in a bikini by summer.

Bitches.

I'm too late to banish the belly rolls in time for my vacation to Puerto Vallarta (in 21 days!!!), so I'm shooting for my birthday instead. June is when the winner will be announced for Operation Muffin Top(ple), but I have a feeling I've got a lot more dunlap to delete than some of the other ladies, so I plan to keep on going until I reach my goal.

If you've been wanting to shake your shimmy and the shimmy be the only thing shaking but just haven't found the motivation to get off the couch then join us and make the only rolls on the beach this summer belong to someone else!