The Surrender Box

Or Letting go and Letting GOD.

Several years ago a church I attended had a visualization practice that went along with that Sunday's message which was about letting go of all the 'baggage' we carry around with us. The things we can't control, can't change and aren't helping ourselves our anyone else by holding on to.

Christians - heck people in general are famous for saying we've 'gotten over' past issues or let something go only to pick that thing back up and continue carrying it with us into our future. We'd rather hold on to hurt, anger, regret and punish ourselves with what could have, should have, would have been than accepting events in our lives for what they are and moving on to all the blessings we've yet to step in to.

The exercise we did that Sunday was a really neat way to help permanently let go some of those things we all hold on to.

Scattered over the steps at the alter were small red bricks and black sharpies. The pastor invited members of the congregation to come up, get a brick and a marker and write all the things in our lives we've wanted to give to God but for whatever reason just hadn't been able to let go of.

After covering your brick with those things you returned to the steps, knelt, prayed, and left your brick - and issues on the alter for God to take care of.

The action of physically leaving the brick there with all of your deepest secrets penned on it was symbolic of setting aside all those things you've been carrying for so long and leaving them behind, getting up fresh and renewed.

I can tell you there wasn't an unwritten space left on my brick and as I prayed over those hurts, angers, issues and the tears fell on the brick wetting the words I'd written I felt a weight lift from my shoulders that had been holding me down for a very long time.

I can't say that every past issue I had just magically stopped bothering me - I had way too much baggage for it to be that easy, but I can say that at least some of the scars healed and some of the anger faded.

Today's DailyOM is very similar to the exercise we did at church that day and a practice I think we may begin at home.

A Place for Worries and Fears

A surrender box is a tool to let go of our burdens so the universe can take care of them for us.

There are times when our minds become too full. Our to-do lists, worries, plans, and dreams may be so crowded together in our heads that we don’t have room to think. We may believe that we are somehow taking care of our desires and concerns by keeping them at the forefront of our minds. In maintaining our mental hold on every detail, however, we may actually delay the realization of our dreams and the resolution of our worries because we won’t let them go. At times such as these, we may want to use a surrender box.

A surrender box allows us to let go of our worries and desires so the universe can take care of them for us. We write down what we want or need to happen and then place the note into a box. By writing and placing our thoughts in the box, we are taking action and letting the universe know we need help and are willing to surrender our feelings. We give ourselves permission to not concern ourselves with that problem any longer and trust that the universe is taking care of it. You may even want to decorate your box and place it in a special place. Your surrender box is a sacred container for your worries. Not only do you free up space in your mind by letting go of our worries and desires and dropping them into your surrender box, but you are giving your burden over to a higher power. Once we drop our worries and desires into the surrender box, we free our minds so we can be fully present in each moment.

Surrendering our worries and concerns and placing them in the hands of the universe doesn’t mean that we’ve given up or have been defeated. Instead, we are releasing the realization of our desires and the resolution of our worries and no longer concerning ourselves with their outcomes. It’s always fun to go back and pull the slips of paper out of the box once your requests have been granted. And it’s amazing how quickly problems go away and dreams come true when we finally let go and allow a higher power to help us.

The Surrender Box is a great idea even if you're not a Christian. Most people believe that there is something out there. Some higher power that guides us all, so whether it's God, Allah, Buddha, Krishna, The Goddess or whom or what ever you believe in, the Surrender Box is something everyone can use.

Another great thing about this is it isn't just for adults. Kids today have so many stresses and worries that it's unhealthy. Not only do they worry about what is going on in school, with their friends, they pick up on what's going on at home too. Creating a family surrender box can be a great way to help them feel involved in what's bothering mom and dad and take an active part in helping with it.

Now I'm not saying you should burden your children with all of the stresses of being a parent, but if there are some small things - like wanting dad to get a raise, or issues with the car - little things that a kid can understand - talking to them about what's going on can not only help them understand the stresses or tensions they are most likely picking up on but help them feel more a part of what's going on in their lives and the family as a whole.

And including them in the creation of your family surrender box can be a fun family craft time!

So... what are you surrendering today?

Speaking of love...

The mother-daughter bond

If you have it then you should thank God every single day for the blessing you probably don't even realize you've been given.

If you're like me, and you don't have it, then you thank God every day for giving you the strength to get through the void left from not feeling like you have what every girl should. A mom.

My mother and I have never been close. Ever. From the youngest age that I can remember I have just never felt that connection to her that most little girls feel for their mommies.

When I try to think back and pick out a particular thing that may have caused the initial disconnect, I can think of one, and it's not something I'm willing to discuss here, but that particular incident aside there are several things that I believe are responsible for the breach in our relationship, not only then but throughout the years.

I'm not going to say she was a terrible mother. She wasn't quite as bad as Mommie Dearest.

But she wasn't exactly June Cleaver either.

I think I mentioned in a previous post that my mom moved in with me recently. I was nervous about having her live with me. We don't see eye to eye on, well, a lot. I've lived on my own for a long time, and I like things a certain way and frankly I just wasn't sure we'd be able to live peacefully under the same roof.

I was partially right.

I suppose the initial conflict came from a misunderstanding of why I'd asked her to move in. My sister called me because she was worried about our mom. She asked if I would be willing to 'take her in' so to speak. I said yes. Mom some how got the idea that I asked her to move in with me because I and I quote 'wanted her to be a part of my life'.

I'm 32yrs old. I'm past the age of trying to make up for lost time, or get back something I never had as far as the mommy/daughter bond. I lived 50 minutes away from her before she moved in. Half the time I went to see my niece she wasn't around, or was there long enough to say hi and left to go do what ever. If she was really concerned with visiting with me I figure she'd have hung around when I was in town.

My mom is a talker. She likes to chat about anything and everything. I am not. I very much enjoy an intellectual conversation, but just random small talk is not my thing. I choose my words sparingly. I don't always need a reply, or an update, or just random chat about nothing in particular. I don't need to know what you ate, or that your stomach hurts, or what you watched on TV. If I want to know something I'll ask. If I don't ask it's usually a safe assumption that I don't care to know.

I know that sounds cold and impersonal, but it's just how I am. There are certain people that I connect with, that I care about in a particular way that causes me to desire knowing them in a way I've never felt about my mother. I'm sure a shrink would have a field day with me, and 2 or 3 already have, but for the most part they've all told me the same thing; I'm different. I have different views, different beliefs, different desires for my life, and my mother didn't reflect those things so I just never formed a connection to her.

Things have been a bit tense lately. She wants to talk, I don't. She wants to try and be mom/daughter. I just don't feel it. I try to be polite and honest, but it's just not in me to lie and pretend I feel something I don't. Even if it spares her feelings.

I'd like to think that one day we can get to where we can be friends. But for that to happen she'll have to come to terms with the fact that I'll never be like my sister when it comes to my relationship with her. I'll never feel the 'mommy' bond. That is something that is built at a very very young age, and it either is there or it isn't. And as much as I wish I could say differently - it simply isn't there with us.

I know there are things we need to talk about, but every time I try she gets defensive and angry. I've gotten past the anger so I can just talk about things civilly, and I think the fact that I don't get emotional just eggs her on even more. Then there's the issue of our vastly different recollection of how things were. Her memory of my childhood seems to vary quite a bit from mine.

I'm open minded enough to know that the way she relates the past may very well be how she remembers it, but what she doesn't understand is that just because my memories are different than hers it doesn't mean that hers are totally right, or that mine are totally wrong.

But having said all that, I do know that my relationship or lack there of with my mother is one of the things holding me back from where God wants me to go, so it's something that I've got to figure out how to work on.

I've been doing some reading online today about mother-daughter bonds and how some girls have them and some don't. One of the things most of the articles I've read keep bringing up is how daughters often have such a hard time talking to their mothers because the mother gets defensive and hears something totally different than what the daughter is saying. So they suggested writing a letter. I thought about doing that on here, but then I thought it might be best to keep some of the issues private. More for her than me. I've shared just about everything that can be shared on here lol, but this is me talking about my life. The letter will be more me talking about hers. So for privacy sake I've decided to write the letter the old fashioned way. Type it up and print it.

But I will keep you guys in the loop about how it works out. So wish me luck, wisdom with my words, a box of tissue and a shovel to start tearing down the wall of 'eh' that's kept me from the world in general for so many years.