More than words...

Yesterday I received 2 emails that robbed rendered me speechless.

One was on myspace from someone I've never met and rarely spoken to online- she reads my blog. The other was on facebook from someone I went to high school with -but again, rarely speak to.

I'm always amazed that people read the stuff I write. I'm even more amazed when the scramble that is my life somehow inadvertently touches the life of another.

The first email was in response to my New LIFE Resolution post yesterday.

I just wanted to tell you that I really enjoy reading your blogs. You're funny, informative, and entertaining! I'm glad I met you via myspace. I realized after I read your blog today that you and I are a lot alike. I too have not been making friends for the past several years. I'm outgoing and friendly, but for some reason I just haven't met any women that I want to get to know better. At work most of the women there are all fake or they stab you in the back to move up the work ladder.

I haven't had a best girlfriend for about 6 years and I really miss having that girl time. I never go out with anyone but my husband and sometimes some of his friends. Anyway, I was thinking that maybe sometime you'd like to get together and hang out. Are you still living in Mobile? If you are, I head over that way pretty often. We could get a bite to eat, go for a walk, or grab a coffee or something. You seem pretty open to meeting new people online so that's why I asked. I need to open myself up to making new friends also. If you're not comfortable with meeting I totally understand. I'm also fine with just communicating online.
Talk to you later!

I'm a bit torn on this one - b/c I've never really gotten along with women well. In HS I had one 'good' female friend, and in the 15yrs since graduating have only had one 'close' female friend and we never hang out or get together. But she knows me inside and out and there's not much I wouldn't tell her - from the other end of the phone lol.

I wrote her back though and said sure - let's hang out.

Part of my New LIFE Resolution is about stepping outside of my comfort zone, branching out into new areas of life that most people don't think twice about. Meeting people is one of those areas for me.

What really touched me though is that by me sharing my life - my fears, my goals - I've somehow helped someone else feel brave enough to step out and try something they've not done in a while. That's pretty awesome

The 2nd email - I'm not even sure if she follows my blog not, and if not - then it's even more awe inspiring b/c the only thing she's had to go by are my 'status updates' on facebook.

You and I have never REALLY talked, but I want to tell you how much of an inspiration you are to me. We are so similar in the way we deal with things but unlike you, I am only now coming back to Christ. I guess having a marriage plunking into the toilet would have that affect on someone(that or I'd get drunk every day!! It HURTS!!). I've never had this kind of relationship with Christ even when I was a regular churchgoer. It helps me to be at peace despite the circumstances, at least most days. Anyway, don't mind my rambling, just know that you make a difference in my life and you are on my mind. Thank you, Mollie.

I've never in my wildest imaginations thought of myself as someone who's faith was strong enough to, not only got ME through hard times, but help someone ELSE get through them as well. That blows my mind - robs me of words.

I am in AWE at the marvelous power of God to work through me - in spite of me.

To you ladies who write to say I've somehow touched your lives - Thank YOU, because you've touched mine so much more.

2009 is already shaping up to be one hella fantastic year - and it hasn't even gotten here yet!!

New Years Resolutions

I've never been one for making New Year's Resolutions.. I always thought, why wait for the new year to do what I can do today... I still think that way. But this year has been a big year for me, I've learned a lot about myself, life, love, hope, despair, happiness, joy, determination and many other things and I've decided that this year.. I have some resolutions to make. I have some changes that I choose to see transform from "what ifs" in my head to becoming "what IS" in my life. I've read some books by author Neale Donald Walsch over the past few months that have completely transformed my way of thinking.

The funny thing is.. the ideas in the book, the revelations, the motivations.. are all things I've thought for as long as I can remember. They were also things I always thought could never truly be, just hoped for. That has changed... I've allowed myself to be opened to an incredible world of possibility - a world where really believing something is possible is enough, nay MORE than enough to make it not only possible, but so.

One of the things in the books I've read that really stands out to me is the power of words. The power of their effect not only on others when spoken by you, but the effect that self spoken words have. I've struggled for as long as I can remember with depression, I've never really persued medical treatment or taken medication. I've gone to therapy here and there, but I've always been one of those people who believed that admitting I didn't have total and complete control over my life and my emotions was the same as admitting failure. And as a perfectionist with a mild case of OCD (obessive compulsive disorder) failure was not an option.

What I've come to realize is that no one is ever completely in control. We like to feel that we are, we like to give the impression to others, and to ourselves that we are, but in reality having everything totally, completely "under control" isn't entirely possible. What we CAN have under control though is our own response.. to the things we do have under control, the things we "think" we have under control, and the things we have absolutely no control over at all. As an intelligent, emotionally motivated human being I CAN control how and even IF I allow things to directly effect myself, my feelings, my mood and my life. There's a section in the book I'm reading now, "Friendship with God", that says that one of the ways to achieve true mastery over life - is to decide HOW you will react to a circumstance BEFORE it occurs.

For someone who's unexplainably more often sad that not, and always wishing she "could feel different" that's earth shattering. If what the speaker is saying in this book is real.. and possible, then everytime I've been sad, upset, hurt, angry, and any other emotion that I've felt as a reaction to something that's occurred in my life or something I felt someone "did" to me, I could have simply CHOSEN to feel another way. I know it's one thing to hear something like that.. you think sure.. that's easier said than done. No one WANTS to be angry, or hurt, or sad.. Everyone would CHOOSE to be happy and joyful all the time if they could... right? I mean wouldn't they?

Crazy as it may sound.. I'm thinking.. no.. more often than not they wouldn't. Why? Well because if we didn't feel hurt and angry when our boyfriend, husband, wife, cheated on us then we wouldn't have any "right" to say mean things to them, or to talk bad about them to our family, or expect other people to not like them because we were angry and hurt. I personally am not guilty of this one example - I went the extreme in the opposite direction actually - I simply accepted that what had happened happened, forgave him and went blindly on for many more months thinking things would work out, but it was the first example that came to mind. Something the key speaker in "Friendship with God" says is that as people, humans, a culture, a society in general we thrive on drama. Any kind of drama. He said this so I'm angry drama. She did that so I'm hurt drama. That friend wasn't there the way I thought they should be, so I'll never forgive them drama. The senarios are endless. And the more I think about it.. entirely too true.

I've always says that I hate drama, I moved 1100 miles away from my family so I could have a nice, quiet, peaceful, drama free life, and for the most part I did. I, like many others had relationship problems, and friendship problems, job problems, money problems, etc. And I got angry, sad, hurt, indignant.. you name it I've felt it. Most of us have. But think about it.. how much simpler would live have been if we'd chosen, instead of getting all riled up about something that happened - we'd stopped, taken stock of what had happened, considered the possible why's, who's, what's, where's etc of the event then said - Ok.. it is what it is, now it was what it is, and I'm moving on. Well that's what I'm deciding to do from here on out. That's my number one New Year's Resolution. Every morning when I get up I will say "I AM happy, I AM full of joy, I AM thankful for my life, my health & my intelligence, I AM BLESSED and I WILL remain that way regardless of what today brings my way." It sounds so rediculously easy doesn't it? To just DECIDE to be happy and full of joy. No Matter What. Well it's exactly what I intend to do.. and I'll let ya know how it goes along the way! =)

The video is something I found this morning while looking for a Christmas ecard I could post on here and my MySpace.. It's very simple and very deep.. and very how I plan to start my new year.. except that I'm not waiting until January 1 to do it... I'm starting Now.

Peace, Joy, Love and Blessings to you all..

Mollie