Monday, March 23, 2009

Come and knock on our door.....

We've been waiting for you......
Where the kisses are hers and hers and his,
Three's company too.

Except in this case it's his and his and hers, and one of those his and hers is an ours.


**After I wrote this and went back and proof-read it I realized that last sentence may be a bit confusing. I have a guy roommate, so that's where the other 'his' comes in. He's just a roommate, older, and has a girlfriend lol so the only his and hers kissing going on is between Matthew and me. :-) **

Last week I
posted about feeling, in spite of how wonderful Matthew is and how great things were between us, that something was missing in our relationship.

And back in February I
wrote about how, although for all intents and purposes Matthew and I were together, we were actually not a 'couple'. I explained that due to events yet to come, we'd decided it just wasn't in the best interest of either of us to plunge full steam ahead into a 'relationship'. I've not yet talked about those events, and today won't be the day for that either, but despair not, that post is in the near future.

Well shortly before the post about feeling something was missing, I'd had a talk with Matthew and explained how I felt. Then I let him read the post. I told him that even though things were great, he was great, we were great, it just wasn't enough for me. I was no longer ok with 'being together', but not really 'being together'. If you just got confused.. well imagine how I've been feeling.

It's hard to explain our inital decision without talking about the future events, but there is a reason I'm holding off on that post so just try to bare with me. If you didn't know that we weren't an official 'couple' and saw us in public you'd think we were together. We're affectionate with each other, he calls me hon or baby and I do the same. He sleeps over at my apartment, we for all intents and purposes act like a couple. Yet we weren't. Our 'relationship' had all the bells and whistles of 'being together' but we weren't together. My profiles said single, as did his. If someone asked we were 'seeing someone' but not in a committed relationship. He was not my 'boyfriend', nor I his 'girlfriend'.

This was a mutual decision between us. One I thought I'd be ok with, and I was... for a while. But that changed. So we talked, and I told him I needed him to decide - what did I mean to him, to what extent did he really want me in his life and how much risk (future events related) was he willing to take to have me there. Or did he just want to try and go back to really being 'just friends'. I needed things to either be one way or the other. The balancing act between acting like we were together but not really being together just wasn't something I could do anymore.

To say I was nervous, scared, anxious about what his answer would be is putting it mildly. I was terrified. What if he just decided it wasn't worth the risk - to either of us - to go ahead and really be together? What if he just wanted to go back to being friends? Could I do that? Could he?

Well Sunday morning he said he had something to tell me - but was nervous and wasn't sure how I'd take it. Sounds ominous I know. But as always, I worried for nothing, and I'll just say this - my face is starting to hurt from smiling so much.

We are now officially a couple. He IS my boyfriend. *giggles* and I his girlfriend. We are together, and I've never been more happy.

It wasn't the little things he didn't do that made me feel like something was missing. It was that we were walking a tight-rope between being together and not being together and I'd started feeling like I was about to lose my balance. I needed the complete commitment from him that I was who he wanted in his life, who he wanted to be with and now that I have that the 'little things that bothered me' just seemed to kind of fade away.

Oh yea, there's one more thing....

He's moving in. :-)

2 People who coughed on a furball:

Anonymous said...

Congrats!!!! It's amazing what communication will do. If you can't communicate, then you can't move forward, but it seems the two of you have that down pat! YAY!

Now to make the Three's Companay analogy complete, you need a Mr. Roper for a landlord (or since your situation is reversed, a Mrs. Roper?).

Anyways, congrats again and never ever ever ever take each other for granted.

Anonymous said...

Congrats! Am really glad for you! :) Yes, communication is impt... and sometimes I think the lack of it is the doom to all my failed relationships.