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Friday, June 20, 2008

Watch the braces..

A friend e-mailed me today and told me that my blog posts were getting somewhat boring. He suggested that I step it up a bit, even if I had to make something up.

Lucky for me..... and thanks to him that's not necessary.

I don't usually write about things of an umm sexual nature and I'm not entirely sure this story qualifies, but it does contain a small bit of mature content. Small being the operative word. Wink.

This is the story of my first, I guess you could call it, intimate experience with the opposite sex.


OK so let me set the scene for you.


It's Christmas evening. I was 19 I think. I'd just moved back in with my parents in Pearl, MS after a year living on my own in Gulfport. An old school pal of mine was home alone sick. His parents were out of town so I decided to go visit. It was just a friendly visit you know, old friends catching up so I brought my little sister with me. She was 12 or 13. My dad told me that since my little sister was with me I had to be back home by 11pm I believe it was. It may have been midnight but no later than that.

So my sister and I head off to my friends house. To protect his privacy we'll call him Squeakers. He'll get the reference when he reads this.

I don't remember what time we got there but we spent the next 3 or 4 hours watching A Christmas Story and being amazed while Squeakers entertained my sister and I with magic card tricks.

If I never hear "You'll shoot your eye out!" again it will be hearing it one time too many!

Well it gets late, he's not feeling well so we all head to his room to watch a movie. Let me tell you trying to situate 3 people comfortably in a water bed can be tricky.

Now don't get all oh my gosh she's in bed with this guy and her little sister on me. Squeakers and I had been friends for quite a few years and my little sister had hung out with us before. There was nothing inappropriate about the situation.


So we're all laying there, chillin', watching TV and I look over and notice that my sister has not only fallen asleep, but she's managed to roll herself into the crack between the water bed mattress and wood frame. I wake her up once to put her back on the bed but after a bit she ended up back in the crack. We were still watching the movie so I just left her there.

Before I get to the uhh inappropriate part I'm going to fill you in on a little background. I had had the biggest crush on Squeakers for like 3 years in high school. We hung out all the time, going to the game room together, hanging out at his house together, I even picked him up for school for a while before he got a car.

Well I drove to his house then he drove us to school in my car. He seemed to think I was incapable of making it from his house to the school without plowing down a mailbox or two along the way. I have no idea where he got that idea. I happened to have been and still am a very good driver.

Anyway he was completely oblivious to the fact that I adored him. I found out recently that he'd thought I was cute but was hung up on some chic at the time. He even remembered checking out my tetas once when we were playing pool. To that I was oblivious.

So I can honestly say that I have no idea what, why or how the next series of events came into play but I will remember and think of them with a smile for many years to come.

I had on this blue and white striped button up shirt. It was long sleeve and it was one of my very favorite shirts. Squeakers had on decorative silk boxers. He had a thing for silk boxers. I think I may have even bought him a pair once... he was still oblivious. Ha.

So I'm lying on the outside of the bed, he is next to me somewhat in the middle and my sister is lost in dream land crammed in between the wood bed frame and the water bed mattress on the far opposite side of the bed.

All I remember is that one of my shirt buttons had come undone, my shirts have always had a bit of trouble accommodating the girls, and I made a comment about buttoning it back up.

The next thing I know, Squeakers is leaning over me, my bra is down and the only thing going through my head is "Oh My God, he's going to kiss my boobies!!".

Yes those were the exact words I was thinking. Steamy right? Hey you have to remember that I'd yet to so much as kiss a guy and here I was 19, with the guy I'd crushed on for yearssss and he was about to lav my breastesses with his tongue. It was the stuff of dreams.

Yes you read that right. I was 19 and had never kissed a guy. That particular pleasure waited another 5 years before happening. But boy oh boy I got my boobies kissed that night!

Back to the action. So somewhere in my mind, hazed over with infatuation, I had the thought. "I want to kiss his peepee." Look, I was innocent OK. I'm a good southern girl with morals and stuff. So what if I thought peepee. It was more acceptable in my tender mental state than thinking penis, or some other more uhh grown up phrasing.

So I maneuver myself down the bed some. Again.. water beds may be comfortable to sleep in but damn if they're not hella difficult to move around on in any more active type way. At this point in the story you may be thinking... wait.. didn't she title this Watch the braces?? Yes I did, and yes I did.. have them.

I'd love to be able to tell you I had my first full on sexual experience with my crush and that it was wonderful and I'll treasure it always. But then this would be an entirely different story, one more suitable to my fantasies of those years than the actuality of what happened.

For some reason, I think it was to get uhh protection, Squeakers got up and went into another room. Well while he was up the phone started ringing. He didn't answer it. It rang again, and again, and again. I guess it wouldn't hurt to tell you that it was about 2:30am by this point. Does anyone remember what time I was supposed to have my sister home by? Ahhh now I'll give you two guesses as to who was calling and the first one doesn't count.

Squeakers comes in the room holding the phone out like it's covered in acid and the very act of it ringing is going to melt his fingers to the bone. "It's your house!", he whispers. "Answer it and tell them we just left!", I reply. "F*ck no I'm not answering it!!".

So I wake my sister up, drag her to the car, buttoning up my shirt as I go and race my happy and terrified ass home. As I'm pulling into the driveway my dad is, I kid you not, walking out the front door, shotgun in hand.

I though. Oh My God.. he was going to come kill us. Or at least Squeakers.

I fibbed a bit and told him we fell asleep on the couch watching a movie. Well it was only half a fib. My sister fell asleep and although the movie was still on Squeakers and I had stopped paying attention to it long before.

He got a little weird after that and stopped taking my calls for a while. I can only assume he was embarrassed. I asked him about when we got back in touch several months ago and while he had some memory of the event that had taken place he had no memory of acting funny afterward. Guys.

So although nothing ever came of the crush, he did have the honor of being the first guy to ever kiss my boobies. And his peepee was the first I ever well sort of attempted to uhh kiss.

How's that for spicy, JFK? =)

**Postscript - I emailed my friend to let him know that I've done my best to spice things up a bit on my blog and suggest that he go read my latest post. A few minutes later I get back an e-mail containing this~~

I should have known better. You could have at least beefed it up a little. Thrown in something about hanging from the ceiling or seeing stars.

I imagine next time he'll be a bit more precise when making suggestions as to what I should post about... don't you think?

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