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Monday, June 02, 2008

A few lines short of a sonnet...

In the spirit of braving the world of online dating I'm blaming Confessions of a One Date Wonder for tempting me to succumb to the ridiculousness that a cheesy website can accurately describe my love personality from a few questions.

The Sonnet
Deliberate Gentle Love Dreamer (DGLD) Romantic, hopeful, and composed. You are the Sonnet. Get it? Composed?

Sonnets want Love and have high ideals about it. They're conscientious people, caring & careful. You yourself have deep convictions, and you devote a lot of thought to romance and what it should be. This will frighten away most potential mates, but that's okay, because you're very choosy with your affections anyway. You'd absolutely refuse to date someone dumber than you, for instance.

Lovers who share your idealized perspective, or who are at least willing to totally throw themselves into a relationship, will be very, very happy with you. And you with them. You're already selfless and compassionate, and with the right partner, there's no doubt you can be sensual, even adventurously so.

You probably have lots of female friends, and they have a special soft spot for you. Babies do, too, at the tippy-top of their baby skulls.

Your exact female opposite:

Genghis Khunt

Genghis Khunt

Random Brutal Sex Master

Always avoid:


The Loverboy (RGLM)

Random Gentle Love Master (RGLM)

Well-liked. Well-established. You are The Loverboy. Loverboys thrive in committed, steady relationships—as opposed to, say, Playboys, who want sex without too much attachment.

You've had many relationships and nearly all of them have been successful. You're a nice guy, you know the ropes, and even if you can be a little hasty with decisions, most girls think of you as a total catch. Your hastiness comes off as spontaneity most of the time anyhow, making you especially popular in your circle of friends, too.

You know not to make the typical Loverboy mistake of choosing someone who appreciates your good humor and popularity, but who offers nothing in return. You belong with someone outgoing, independent, and creative. Otherwise, you'll get bored. And then instead of surprising her with flowers or a practical joke, you'll surprise her by leaving.

Being like the chic they claim is my exact opposite certainly has some appeal. But they did get part of it right. All right most of it. I have high ideals about love and relationships and I am can be ridiculously a little picky. But hey, like I've said before we're talking forever and ever here. A girl's gotta have some standards. Right? (This is where you nod vigorously and agree with me vehemently) The part they got so wrong they weren't even in the ball park on was the having lots of female friends.

I've never gotten along very well with girls. I tend to think and act more like a guy (matter of fact/straight forward) so I don't have a lot of patience or tolerance for the games most chics play. I don't do subtle or coy, and I have no interest whatsoever in brand names, spending hours on my hair and face or torturing myself in a ridiculous pair of shoes because they make my calves and ass look good.

Give me a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and some honest intelligent conversation and I'm good to go. I don't flirt (at least consciously) or giggle or twirl my hair. I like sports and monster trucks and I don't mind getting dirty (get your minds out of the gutter). I can open my own door, pull out my own chair and don't like walking in front just because I'm a lady. Ok because I'm female, lady may be pushing it. I burp and fart, yes I said fart, and if I sniff because my nose is stopped up and I get a mouth full of snot I'm going to spit it out via an expertly curled tongue.

I think I just explained why I'm still single.

That's not to say I'm all tomboyish. I do own a few skirts and I paint my toenails. I'm just not delicate and don't really care to be treated like I am. If the peanut butter jar lid is really tight I'll ask a guy to open it, but only after I've exhausted every effort to do it myself. What can I say, I'm a little independant.

I went to visit an old school friend back in January and when it comes to etiquette he is the perfect gentleman. He opened the door to the car, the house, whatever store or restaraunt we went in. He waited until I'd gotten in front of him to follow behind me (no it wasn't to look at my ass) then stepped up and around me to open and hold the door so I could go in first. It drove me absolutely NUTS! I don't like people walking behind me, I don't like waiting for someone to open the door when I'm perfectly capably of doing it myself (except when it was snowing then I wish his butt would have been gentlemanly a little faster - it was freaking cold!).

It's not that I don't enjoy being taken care of, I do. I just enjoy it in different ways. Send me a text to let me know you're thinking about me. Lay your head in my lap so I can play with your hair while you tell me about your day. It's those kinds of extra attention that I really love.

I think it's because I'm the oldest child and have always been in a caregiver role with most everyone in my life that I have such a problem with being on the receiving end of those kinds of social niceties. I'm the person who takes care of others, not the person being taken care of. I imagine that's just another of my personality quirks that makes it so hard for me to find someone I mesh well with.

I mean I loved that my friend was such a gentleman and it felt nice to have someone want to do things for me.. for all of about 5 minutes. Then I was over it and it became annoying. He laughed at me when I asked him to stop opening the truck door for me. Then when I told him not to walk behind me, walk beside or in front of me instead he just looked at me like I was weird.

Ya know I think I just had an epiphany. I'm not sure it's so much being an oldest child as it is being OCD. I am fully capable of admitting that I am a control freak. I like things my way, how I want it done, when I want it done and where I want it done and if someone else insists on doing something, I'm likely to wait until they're done then redo it to my liking.

I'm sure it's a coping mechanism that any psychologist could link to some tramatic event from my childhood (and there were a few). But it works for me. I just hope there's some uber flexible guy out there who can make it work for him too.

2 People who coughed on a furball:

Anonymous said...

Well, you pretty well described me :)

It's alright to be independent, but you have to remember that you have to be dependent sometimes in relationships. Blah to the nicities--opening the door and so on...but if I told you want I want to eat, please order for me, otherwise, don't! LOL

Big Momma Pimpalishisness said...

It kind of describes me too...the whole high standards thing.

But I get just as excited when man-friend brings me new toilet paper or sponges as when he brings me flowers and I just don't have the patience to wait for someone else to take care of me. I take care of myself.