Thursday, April 02, 2009

Operation Muffin Top(ple)

In December of last year I blogged briefly about getting back in the swing of working out and eating healthy. I talked about how I wasn't going to make a new year's 'resolution' to get in shape, but instead a New Life Resolution, changes to my life that would help me get back into the shape of my mid-twenties or just more healthy than I currently was (am).

It's the beginning of April and I'm embarrassed to admit that I've failed miserably. I worked out ehh twice. Once with Matthew and once by myself. After several years being carbonated beverage free, I've picked up drinking pop again (soda or coke for your southerners), and have gone from eating fast food once or twice a month to once a week. At least.

Add that to one of the many lovely side effects of
Loestrin that my gyno put me on for PCOS and instead of losing weight, I've gained 20lbs. Add those 20 to the 70 I already needed to lose and you have one fat ass Crazy Cat Lady.

Well thank God for blogging, because two fabulous ladies who's blogs I adore have issued a challenge and I'm signing up!

Catherinette and KiKi have put out the word that dunlap disease is simply not acceptable this summer. If you don't know what dunlap disease is, it's when your belly 'dun lapped' over the top of your pants.

Example:


Now to me, this chic is relatively small, her pants are just way to damn tight creating what is also known as the 'Muffin Top'.

I've never been a small girl. I've always been fairly 'thick', but still very fit. I played sports for most of my youth and was very athletic. I've gained and lost a considerable amount of weight (60lbs give or take) twice since the age of 24. I'm back at the gained part of that cycle and I'm not happy.

Here is me in 2003


I don't think I'm being conceited when I say I looked damn good.

Here is me with my sister, b-i-l, and cousin at a concert last August.


I have surpassed the muffin top, and have moved on to the King Cake.


People, I have become a beast. And it is simply NOT acceptable anymore. So I've had Matthew dig up some Tae-Bo torrents and Billy Blanks is now on my computer ready to punch, kick and jab my ass back into some semblance of shape, other than round. But I've realized I can't do it alone. I simply do not have the discipline to drag my butt out of bed at 5:30am to exercise before getting ready for work, and I've tried working out when I get home in the evenings and it is just not for me. I'm tired after working all day. I want to curl up on the couch with my honey and watch tv, not wiggle my jiggle.

Here's where my blog/twitter pals come into play.

This is the welcome e-mail I received after expressing my interest in joining Operation Muffin Top(ple)

Good morning, fellow fatties. You have all expressed interest in participating in Operation Muffin Top(ple)! Kiki and I are delighted to announce that it is in fact in full swing. You can read more about the logistics by going reading the post on The Catherinette Chronicles or I'm Not Kidding.

Remember, this is all in the spirit of fun, and in hopes that we all shed those extra pounds that make us look more like Star Jones' before pics than the after ones.

Here's the skinny on how this is going to go down (twss).

Send the following to muffin.top@gmail.com :

A brief explanation of what you hope to accomplish, gain from this. Example: "I want to lose my fat muffin top so I can parade my slim ass in front of the bar where my ex-boyfriend hangs out and make him feel like an ass for being...well...an ass."

Your favorite recipe for those of us that are trying to lose some weight. Think cocktail recipe. Think cheese. Think chocolate. Recipes will be posted weekly on Monday's.

This part is optional...Submit a funny before pic to muffin.top@gmail.com or send it to 555-555-1234(that's my cell). The pic will NOT be posted. It doesn't have to be a full body shot. It can just be your muffin top, a saddle bag, your chubby fist throwing out those peeps, whatever.

Preferred method of communication: Kiki and I will be sending you "motivational" messages throughout the duration. Let us know if you want those in a text or email.

An idea of what you'd like to contribute to the prize package. We're thinking it would be fun if everyone sent in a little something (cheap) to include in the grand prize. We're thinking peeps, cheetos, something fun, whatever. You tell us.

Our hope is to have a Magical Muffin Giveaway on June 21st. We'll be looking for you to send in after pics along with what you gained (which will hopefully not be more weight) during the experience. Extra points for snarkiness.

If you have any questions, feel free to let us know!!

Let's do this, bitches!

Catherinette


These heifers aren't playing around. I've yet to get my honey to take a full length pic of me to send in, but plan on sobbing my way through that particular joy tonight. I've edited the phone number in the e-mail for privacy but left the Muffin Top(ple) group e-mail in case you want to sign up. The more fatties who sign up, the better the prize! Oh yea and the more support we can be to each other. The real prize will be getting in shape of course, for me anyway. Some of these gals will actually be strutting their stuff in a bikini by summer.

Bitches.

I'm too late to banish the belly rolls in time for my vacation to Puerto Vallarta (in 21 days!!!), so I'm shooting for my birthday instead. June is when the winner will be announced for Operation Muffin Top(ple), but I have a feeling I've got a lot more dunlap to delete than some of the other ladies, so I plan to keep on going until I reach my goal.

If you've been wanting to shake your shimmy and the shimmy be the only thing shaking but just haven't found the motivation to get off the couch then join us and make the only rolls on the beach this summer belong to someone else!



2 People who coughed on a furball:

Molly C said...

I'm in! I've gained almost 10 lbs this month. Boy drama + frosting does not a pretty Molly make
(me Molly, not you Mollie.)

as I like to say, mine are not love handles. Mine are the whole damn suitcase.

KiKi said...

LOVED this post!!!!!!! You ROCK! Just wait until you see how much progress you're going to make...I just know it!!