Support & Appreciation

Look Who Stopped By

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Recapping the recalled

I did something the other day that I've never done since I've been blogging. I posted a blog.. then deleted it.

Something new was happening in my life and I got all caught up in the excitement of it and posted before I had stopped to think about how I wanted to present the information and how I wanted it to be received. So today I'm going to recap some of what I recalled in that post.

Last week I got a call from a young man who was interested in taking a look at the room I had to rent in my apartment. I'd posted an ad on Craigslist and he called to see if it was still for rent. It was.

We talked a bit about the room, what rent was, what I was looking for in a roommate, what he did for work etc, then went on to chat about a variety of things for about 45 minutes. That was unusual for me for a few reasons. One - I don't like talking on the phone much at all. I'd much rather text or talk in person. Two - the guy had called about renting my room, so I honestly hadn't expected to discuss anything else with him. Three - I found myself liking the way his voice sounded and the easy laugh he had.

Thursday evening after I got off work he came over to meet me and look at the room. He called when he was pulling up outside my apartment building and I went outside to meet him so he'd know where to go. As I'm coming down the steps to say hi all I could think was WOW. Just WOW, this guy is gorgeous. When we'd talked on the phone the night before he'd mentioned that he'd been heavy in high school and had been pretty shy as a result, but that shortly after he graduated he started losing weight and girls started noticing him, so I expected an average or even kind of cute guy to show up.

Well you know what they say about preconceived expectations. They never turn out like you expect. He was 6'5, about 250lbs with the most piercing blue eyes I've ever seen, fringed by thick dark lashes. Dark hair and blue eyes is just.. just.. yeah.. that.

The guy looked like a cross between a young Elvis Presley and Jonathan Rhys Meyers.

Seeing the two side by side, it's no wonder Rhys-Meyers was cast to play the King himself in the self titled movie biography Elvis.

Moving on. He came in, looked around the apartment, filled out the rental application that I have all prospective roommates fill out and then we sat and chatted. Some how or another the topic turned to sex. It was really quite strange, sitting there having a relatively intelligent non-sexually charged conversation about sex with such a beautiful specimen.

He talked about how he'd been 18 his first time, which in today's society is almost unheard of, I told him I had been 24, he was impressed, I couldn't stop looking at his mouth. He told me about the 2 long term girlfriends he'd had and how the most recent one, to whom he'd been engaged had left him to get back with her "baby's daddy" and how he'd been single for 6 months and was just trying to figure out if it was even worth it to try again. He's only 22 and I assured him there would be many more women who'd come and go from his life and not to give up hope.

We talked about religion and work and the meat market known as the bar scene. I talked about how I was finally ready to try dating after having been single for 5 years, he said he just wished he could find a good female friend who liked to have monogamous sex. I told him that in my younger days I'd once had that kind of relationship with a guy and if it was what both people were looking for worked out quite well.

It had been raining pretty heavily for a while and seemed to be slowing down. We'd been talking for a few hours by this point and I suggested he might want to go while it wasn't so bad out. I asked him what he thought of the apartment and if he was interested. He said he liked it, but to be honest his mind was a bit distracted by the topic of conversation we'd been having and he wanted to think about it over night when his head cleared and call me in the morning. I said that was fine, we shook hands and he left.

I sat there on the couch for about twenty-five minutes thinking about the strangeness of the last few hours and wondered at the sanity of what I was considering.

Before I go any further allow me to fill you in a bit about something. I've been with 3 men in the past 8 years. One was my fiance, now ex, one was a good friend who volunteer to be the rebound guy after my fiance and I broke up and the third was a friend from school that I'd known for 20 years. Prior to the first and so far only serious relationship I've been in I did have a casual sex partner a "friends with benefits". He was in the air force, very very cute with a killer body, neither of us wanted a committed relationship but both of us wanted committed sex with one partner, we enjoyed each other's company, it was a win win situation.

I honestly don't think there is anything wrong with a situation like that. If you have two mature, responsible consenting adults who can be of mutual benefit to one another, then no harm, no foul. That's just not what I want right now. Or so I thought.

About thirty minutes later I took a deep breath, picked up my phone and dialed his number. When he answered I could hear the smile in his voice.

"You're going to get me in trouble, you know that?"

"You want me to come back don't you?"



"I knew you were going to call me. As soon as I walked out the door I thought to myself, she's going to ask me to come back. Do you want me to come back?"

I'll be the first to admit that when it comes to stuff like social interaction and sexual tension I'm a big fat chicken. There are two very different sides to my personality that I war with on a daily basis. One is the sweet, Christian girl, who wants love and family and a picket fence with puppies and a tire swing. The other is a wanton sex crazed seductress who's all about the pleasure.

These two sides have been fighting over a drawn battle line for many many years. For some unknown reason, that I'm sure a therapist would have a field day with, I've been unable to reconcile the two and figure out how to get them to play well with one another in a way that causes no guilt or harm to my already delicate psyche.

"It's up to you"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, er no, er ugh, just..."

"I'm turning around"

He came back, we did the deed, very nicely I might add and somewhere in the middle of the doing I decided that maybe I wasn't so sure what I was looking for after all. Somewhere in the middle of the best oral I've ever had I decided and informed him that yes, yes OH YES we could indeed be friends with benefits.

Later that night after he left I text my best friend and told her. She, who knows me I think better than anyone, said, "Are you going to regret it this time". This time was referring to the last time I'd had sex back in January with the old school friend, and the only reason I really regretted sleeping with him was because after the fact he got a little weird and it's caused what has sadly turned out to be irreparable damage to our friendship.

"I don't think so, it feels different, like maybe I'm just in a different place with who I am now".

I had a few more calls that next morning about the apartment, so I text him and told him I had other people who were interested, so last chance, yes or no, did he want the room. He said yes. He came over that night after I got off work, signed the roommate agreement I typed up and well... you can figure out the rest.

Saturday comes and he texts me and says he just got a call from his boss that they just landed a big project in TX and he had to leave on Wednesday for 3 months for work. He's a pipe-fitter. No really lol that's what his job is.

I'm an understanding kind of girl, I wasn't about to make him pay for a room for 3 months that he wouldn't even be around to live in so I told him it was ok, I had other people interested so I'm sure it would work out. He apologized about the short notice and asked if I wanted him to come over after work that evening. I said yes.

Saturday night he stayed. There's just something about having a warm body next to you in bed that makes sleeping so much better. I forgot how much I missed that and just when I found a guy I felt comfortable with, who didn't expect anything more from me than I did from him he had to leave.

I talked to him on the phone Monday, he's already in TX, he left early to get settled into the hotel before they started work. We chatted for a minute and I told him to take care of himself and keep in touch. We said goodbye and hung up.

So where am I now? I can honestly and without a doubt say that I'm not interested or looking to replace the however brief relationship I had with him. I'm not sure what it was about him, or me or timing or whatever that led me to the decision I made, but I do know that I don't regret it, which is big for me.

I tend to over analyze EVERYTHING, and usually end up driving myself crazy with doubt and self questioning until I'm a sobbing wreck. I waited for that feeling to come after he left the first night and it didn't. Nor did it come after the second or third. The only feeling I get when I think about it is a bit of warm fuzzy from the uhh warm fuzzy and a smile of memory that we had a good time while it lasted.

So I suppose it's back to trying to figure out the dating thing. I don't know if feeling more confident puts out a vibe from the profiles I have out or what, but I've been getting more responses the past few days than I had been. Now I've just got to figure out how it all works. I've never dated, I have no idea how to "date". I just know how to be in a relationship.

So I've asked my friend and dating extraordinaire, Jane Wonder of the blog
Confessions of a One Date Wonder for some advice. She's graciously agreed to do a guest post on my blog with some tips and tricks on dating, sort of a Guide to Dating 101. I've been following her blog for a while and am pretty sure she's got the whole thing fairly well mastered so I'm hoping this dog is still young enough to learn some new tricks. We shall see.

Look for her post soon!


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