Goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend..

2008

There are so many thoughts chasing themselves in circles inside my head. When I woke up this morning I'd already half way finished verbalizing what I'd write today. Yet when I got to work and opened the page to start typing - nothing came.

2008 has been a big year for me. Many things have happened - some good - some eh not so good - some absolutely heart breaking - some breathtakingly beautiful.

I guess the best way to wrap this year up would be to just make a list - an accounting of all the big things that were.. and those that weren't.

I'm not going to number them because my OCD self would get stuck or something and spaz out trying to come up with one more thing so I can end on an even number.

No particular order, no good first bad last, just.. as they come to me - here are the events that outlined this year of my life - 2008.

• I started the year with two kitties, I ended it with none.
• I re-homed them at separate times, but they both ended up at the same home - together again. That makes me happy.
• I got a puppy - my first since the dog I had through most of my childhood and early 20's died in 2000.
• Edit - I thought I got a puppy. Turns out I got a goat in a pit bull costume.
• Required walking to help tame her excessive energy is going to help me get back in shape.
• After 5yrs of being single I decided to try my hand at dating and signed up on a few dating sites.
• I ended up talking to quite a few guys, but only ended up going on two actual dates.
• One was eh OK. He was a sweet guy - just not for me.
• The other - turned my life upside down. He was the perfect guy for me, and he broke my heart. But I will always care for him deeply and never regret a single second of knowing him.
• I tried to help out some family members who seemed to be having a hard time of things by letting them move in with me. One was my cousin, she stayed with me a few months - then screwed me over and we no longer talk. The other was my mom - she stayed a few months as well. It wasn't terrible, but it wasn't exactly pleasant and put a tremendous strain on our already tenuous relationship.
• My new roommate moves in this weekend - not sure if I'm nervous, excited or just apathetic.
• I enrolled in college in October and took 2 classes for the fall semester. Next week I will begin the spring semester - 4 classes. I will be in my 3rd semester as a freshman.
• It's taken 10yrs to go back to college but I finally did it, and in this particular thing - I have never been more proud of myself.
• I broke a 4yr vow of abstinence in January with a guy I'd been friends with for 20yrs, and now we don't talk. I cannot express how sad that makes me.
• I went 6 more months without sex then attempted the FWB thing - it worked for me in my 20's. It does not work for me now.
• PT was the last person I shared myself with - and unless a miracle of all miracles happens and I fall in love and get married one day. He WILL be the last person to ever know me in that way.
• I reached my 1yr anniversary at my job, had a 1yr review and did fantastic. Looking forward to my raise in January.
• I started actively blogging again - and have net met many great people as a result.
• I also started Twittering - and am on the way to some really incredible friendships because of it.
• I found a new church home that I love - although tensions with PT's friends have made it not quite as enjoyable going lately.
• I'm determined to work through that last issue- their attitude is their problem- not mine.
• I met an angel - well really a person, but the way God has used them to help me is truly Angelic.
• I'm thinking I may be putting that person on too high a pedestal, because thus far they've only made me smile - that just changed. No one is perfect.
• I still think that person is going to help me learn more about myself than anyone else ever has - and for that I am thankful.
• I've renewed my vow of chastity to myself - and to God.
• The last is going to be hard - that is a part of myself I have struggled with for years. It's time I stopped struggling and let God take care of it - and me.

I know there's more - so much more, but remembering all the things I've been through is making me tired. It's been a very draining year - emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausting. I've faith that 2009 will be my year of revival.

Remembering things can be hard, especially when you've not fully over them. I've learned this year that everything has a process and my processor doesn't always seem to work right. I don't like dealing with things, I don't like emotions so I don't allow myself to go through the stages that are apparently necessary to heal, which means I just bury things. Problem on top of problem, hurt on top of hurt until I run out of room to pile them and I collapse into a sobbing emotional wreck.

This next year I want to work on processing things as they happen - allowing myself to feel, to love, to fear, to hurt, to heal and then to move on.

Mostly though - I want to work on allowing myself to be happy. I've not done that in a very very long time - if truly ever. I want to allow myself to truly BELIEVE that I am special, that I am capable and worthy of being loved - by others - but mostly by me.

So while 2008 wasn't entirely great - it wasn't entirely sucky either. I lived, I learned, I loved, I lost.. and now I'm moving on.

So to 2008 I say - goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend - you have been the one - you have been the one for me. But now I'm ready for someone new.

I'm ready for ME.

Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns:

Dear Rick:

I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with our woman neighbour.

I am 32, my husband is 34 , and we have been married for twelve years.

When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was sacked from his job six months ago, and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. He won't go to counseling and I'm afraid I can't get through to him anymore. Can you please help?


Sincerely, Sarah





Dear Sarah:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all earth wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburettor float chamber.

I hope this helps.

Rick

More than words...

Yesterday I received 2 emails that robbed rendered me speechless.

One was on myspace from someone I've never met and rarely spoken to online- she reads my blog. The other was on facebook from someone I went to high school with -but again, rarely speak to.

I'm always amazed that people read the stuff I write. I'm even more amazed when the scramble that is my life somehow inadvertently touches the life of another.

The first email was in response to my New LIFE Resolution post yesterday.

I just wanted to tell you that I really enjoy reading your blogs. You're funny, informative, and entertaining! I'm glad I met you via myspace. I realized after I read your blog today that you and I are a lot alike. I too have not been making friends for the past several years. I'm outgoing and friendly, but for some reason I just haven't met any women that I want to get to know better. At work most of the women there are all fake or they stab you in the back to move up the work ladder.

I haven't had a best girlfriend for about 6 years and I really miss having that girl time. I never go out with anyone but my husband and sometimes some of his friends. Anyway, I was thinking that maybe sometime you'd like to get together and hang out. Are you still living in Mobile? If you are, I head over that way pretty often. We could get a bite to eat, go for a walk, or grab a coffee or something. You seem pretty open to meeting new people online so that's why I asked. I need to open myself up to making new friends also. If you're not comfortable with meeting I totally understand. I'm also fine with just communicating online.
Talk to you later!

I'm a bit torn on this one - b/c I've never really gotten along with women well. In HS I had one 'good' female friend, and in the 15yrs since graduating have only had one 'close' female friend and we never hang out or get together. But she knows me inside and out and there's not much I wouldn't tell her - from the other end of the phone lol.

I wrote her back though and said sure - let's hang out.

Part of my New LIFE Resolution is about stepping outside of my comfort zone, branching out into new areas of life that most people don't think twice about. Meeting people is one of those areas for me.

What really touched me though is that by me sharing my life - my fears, my goals - I've somehow helped someone else feel brave enough to step out and try something they've not done in a while. That's pretty awesome

The 2nd email - I'm not even sure if she follows my blog not, and if not - then it's even more awe inspiring b/c the only thing she's had to go by are my 'status updates' on facebook.

You and I have never REALLY talked, but I want to tell you how much of an inspiration you are to me. We are so similar in the way we deal with things but unlike you, I am only now coming back to Christ. I guess having a marriage plunking into the toilet would have that affect on someone(that or I'd get drunk every day!! It HURTS!!). I've never had this kind of relationship with Christ even when I was a regular churchgoer. It helps me to be at peace despite the circumstances, at least most days. Anyway, don't mind my rambling, just know that you make a difference in my life and you are on my mind. Thank you, Mollie.

I've never in my wildest imaginations thought of myself as someone who's faith was strong enough to, not only got ME through hard times, but help someone ELSE get through them as well. That blows my mind - robs me of words.

I am in AWE at the marvelous power of God to work through me - in spite of me.

To you ladies who write to say I've somehow touched your lives - Thank YOU, because you've touched mine so much more.

2009 is already shaping up to be one hella fantastic year - and it hasn't even gotten here yet!!

Feeling ~and looking~ fine in 2009

Resolution schmesolution.

How many of you have ever made and actually KEPT a New Year's Resolution?

I see, what, two - three hands?

Liars lol

I've never actually made a New Year's Resolution, and this year will be no different.

What I have decided to do is make a New LIFE Resolution - and I'm not waiting for the New Year to do it.

Today - Monday, December 29, 2008 is the 1st day of my new life. A life to becoming the very best ME I can be.

I'm not going to get on a 'diet' or 'exercise plan'. I'm not going to follow a 'program' in some self-help book I read. What I am going to do is just make some basic, but important changes that will result in bringing me back to a healthier (mental and physical) and happier ME.

So without further ado, here are a few of the things I will be changing - adjusting - adding etc.

1. Switch from the full to non-fat version of my favorite Starbucks drink. Hey - important changes come first!

2. Limit my Starbucks purchases to one a week - not only will this help my waistline - it will help my wallet!!

3. Walk the dog at least one mile EVERY DAY! The only exception to this rule will be rain or freezing weather - in which case we will find a way to play in the apartment in a way that will wear both of our butts out!

4. Back to not eating meat. I did really good for almost a year, then the thing with PT happened and I started finding myself at Krystals now and again. Not entirely sure what's on those burgers can be classified as actual meat, but still.

5. Back to eating portion controlled balanced meals - that means more salad, veggies, fruits and healthy grains, lots of baked and grilled fish and seafood too!

6. Setting aside "God Time" - I talk to God all the time, throughout the day, here and there, but I need to start setting aside a quiet time just for He and I. Time to talk AND listen, to pray, to read, to get closer to Him.

7. Work on social interaction skills - STOP LAUGHING! I'm serious. You've no idea what living in self imposed isolation for 5yrs can do to the most simplest of social skills. I mean I didn't have many to begin with, but now - eek. It's rough. I think people don't quite understand what I mean when I say self imposed isolation.

After my ex-fiance and I broke up I sort of enclosed myself in a bubble. I saw people at work and church. I talked to them, but I made no connection, shared no personal information about me, didn't care to hear any about them. For 5yrs I had only minimal interaction with people and what there was of that was superficial - not meaning it was 'fake' per say, just that there was no depth to it.

So now I'm left not even knowing how the process of becoming friends with someone works. But I've recently 'net met' one of the sweetest guys on the planet who is helping me work through that, so hopefully in time I'll be a bit less inept at interpersonal relationships.

8. Love ME. This one is going to take the most work I think. Years of never feeling like I fit in, like I was 'enough', like I was deserving or capable of being loved have sort of set a precedent in how I react to people, how I react to myself. So learning to love ME - will ultimately result in allowing me to love others, and BE LOVED in return. Once again that same sweet fella I mentioned in #7 has come to my 'rescue' . In a recent conversation he asked me - "What is enough? And who are you trying to be enough for and who are they to say you're not? To God - you are perfect and without blemish - can you get anymore enough than that??"

I know lists like these usually come in tens, but I think these are 8 pretty big goals.

I suppose if there were a 9 it would this..

To express my sincere thanks and gratitude to my 'web friends'. You have lifted me up and loved me more than you can ever possibly know. I'd list you each to give proper credit but I'm afraid I'd leave someone out, so to you all - every blog friend, every twitter friend,

I LOVE YOU ALL!!

** Edit ~ you may notice that I've said nothing about dating, or romantic relationships in any of my changes. Well that's because I've decide to not let that particular area hold any more weight in my life so to speak. I'll leave up the one profile I have on OKC and if I get messages I'll reply and be open to seeing what - if anything - comes of it. But I've decided to 'put into practice' something I've always known, but never lived - and that is that God is ALL I NEED to be happy. To be healthy. To be loved. To be COMPLETE. So I'm trusting that in getting lost in HIM - the man of my dreams will find ME, and if he doesn't - well I'll still be OK =)

When it rains it pours...

I've been in a bit of a funk lately - yes I know, what again?

Things with PT are progressing in exactly the way I feared they would. We've chatted online some since he's been gone, but conversations have been somewhat short and random. We did have one meaningful conversation about some stuff that had happened before he left, but all other chats have been relatively inconsequential.

I'd like to blame the 15 hour time difference, his days are my nights and vice verse, but I imagine if you wanted to talk to someone badly enough you'd figure out how to work around it. So I fear I may be falling prey to the adage of 'out of sight, out of mind'. * sigh *

So anyway, instead of trying to come up with something new to write, I thought I'd share something old.

This is a poem I wrote in high school, somewhere around the age of 15 or 16 I believe.

Storms Revenge

As rain pours down drenching the earth
bringing life and yet giving birth
I watch the sky fade from light to dark
occasionally gifted with lightening's angry spark
I feel a kindred spirit with the drowning ground
smothered in tears by fate we are bound
to begin as one earth we are born of its ashes
we live from it's life we die on it's grasses
I long to live as an eagle, far away I'd fly
beautiful, splendid gliding, soaring high
To swoop down on unsuspecting prey
Feasting on weaker creatures, then all would rue the day
They tried to cross me and knock me down
I'd perch on my throne a Queen with a crown
of glorious white feathers and indescribable grace
I'd stand before them and show my true face
I'd laugh at their fear, scorn their regret
relinquishing hatred on all those I'd met
who's laughed while I cried
Lived happily while slowly I died... inside myself

He said, she said and butt the hell out!

Rumors, innuendos, twisted words.

Have you ever played the telephone game? You sit in a circle and tell the person to your right a 'secret', then they tell the person to their right and so on until it finally makes it all the way around the circle and back to you?

And when it does you find that the secret you told, "Jane's new shirt is not flattering to her figure", has turned into, "I heard Jane is pregnant and is wearing bigger clothes to hide her stomach!"

Well the 'telephone game' has recently become the very bane of my existence.

PT's group of friends are a peculiar sort. They are as a whole a rather close group, and within that group there are several extremely tight knit smaller groups. Which is odd to me, because from what I've seen and heard, and been told, they don't seem very loyal to each other.

I'm a very honest person. I will not saying something about you to another person that I won't and probably haven't already said to your face. I expect the same level of honestly from others. If you don't like me that's fine. I'm not going to cry about it.

If you think I'm a bitch, or fat, or ugly, or whatever, that's ok too. Don't think I'll be losing sleep over it. But don't talk crap about me behind my back then act like my friend to my face. I don't care if you talk crap about me, just do it to my face. Then we can be friends.

Well PT's friends may not like outsider's or be very welcoming to allowing anyone new into their little group, but they don't seem to have any problem talking about each other to those new people - i.e. ME.

A few of his 'inner circle' and I go to the same church, and there were a few times after church that they and I hung out in the parking lot chatting about this and that. During those times I was privy to all sorts of tales about his life. Now these are people who have known him for many years, people who he considers his very best friends, who call him one of theirs and here I am just some new chic who they barely know yet they seemed to have no qualms whatsoever about sharing very personal information about him, information that he'd not yet felt comfortable telling me himself.

Which is why what's going on currently makes absolutely no sense to me what-so-ever. Since PT moved to Japan I've chiseled my circle of people whom I really talk about him with to one. It seemed awkward and just not quite right to continue to chat about him with his friends when he wasn't there. The friend I talk to is acquainted with him and his friends, but not a part of their 'circle' and doesn't really know most of them that well.

There is one however that she has known a long time and it is that one who has me white knuckling my chair in an effort not to see how much pressure it would take to put my fist through a wall. Or his face.

I bet you never imagined I was capable of such anger or violence huh? You. have. no. idea.

Well Sunday morning after church my friend, the one friend she knows well and another of PT's inner circle were casually chatting and it came up that he and I were still talking. As you may know things were a bit tense when he left so getting things back to a happy friendly place has been my main focus. If you didn't know you can read the tale of PT and I here.

First thing this morning I get an email on facebook from PT that he'd been 'hearing stuff' and wonders what I've been 'telling people at church'.

I'm not one to pussy foot around so I shoot a reply back that pretty much said "can the crap - just tell me what you 'heard' and ask me if I said it". Well what made it to his ears was not only not true, but it didn't even come from me.

The 'one friend' took something someone else said, completely reworded it and passed it off to PT as having come from me. Well again, with the not being overly delicate, I confronted, ok maybe confront is a little bit hard, I conferred with the two gals that were involved in that conversation - I don't know the guy well and have never really spoken to him at length - and find out the truth.

This is where the post title comes in.

This guy - this 'best friend' of PT's - doesn't know me personally, I mean we've been introduced but have never really talked or interacted with one another, or anything about me really, yet seems to be going out of his way to cause drama between PT and I.

I understand being loyal to your friends. I understand looking out for them, trying to protect them if you think they're steering themselves in the wrong direction. I understand offering advice and council. I can even understand being somewhat reserved about a new person who's involvement with your friend has seemed to result in them being stressed. But flat out lying just to start crap?? That I don't get.

I have nothing to do with this guy and whether PT and I talk or not, is of no direct relationship to their friendship, yet he goes out of his way to spread lies about me. He's chosen to involve himself in something that has absolutely nothing to do with him whatsoever. And if he thinks that I won't make damn sure PT knows the truth then he's delusional. I don't do second hand knowledge. I don't operate in well he told her this who told me that.

I went directly to the people involved - got the truth, asked their permission (which was more of a courtesy than a need for permission) to screen shot the conversation and sent it back to PT. Here ya go - proof positive that your best bud is FULL OF SH*T. It's 4am in Japan right now so he's sleeping and I probably won't get a reply back until sometime later tonight or possibly tomorrow, but here's hoping that the truth will set this particular bit of drama free!

One thing I forgot to mention - and this is really the only explanation that makes any sense to me - this guy had checked out my profile on OKC before PT did, was in fact one of the 'quivers' that OKC matched me up with. Well he didn't put a shiver in my quiver if ya know what I mean.

So maybe he's just jealous that I picked PT over him - maybe it's a case of sour grapes. Then again I'm not all that so maybe not, but it sounded good! :D

Peace on Earth and good Lord that hurt!

I acquired my second tattoo last night and I will not even try to be one of those people who say "Oh nooo it didn't hurt at allllll!".

They LIE.

It hurts, a lot. But the pain is only temporary.

People get tattoos for different reasons. Some like the art, some select a picture that connects them to a special time or person in their life, some get drunk and wake up with a half naked chic on their chest, and some choose a word or phrase that has special meaning. I fall into the latter category.

I got my first tattoo in July of 2001. My sister had just turned eighteen and she, I, our step-brother, my ex-fiance, and his brother all went together with her to get her first tattoo. My ex-fiance is covered in tattoos. That's actually what he does for a job now and from what I understand he and a friend just opened a shop in Michigan.

While we were waiting for my sister to have her tattoo drawn, Lazeras (the ex-fiance's screen-name) and I decided that we wanted to get one too so we started looking through books. Now I've never been one of those silly females who will run and get a guys name inked on her boob or posterior - my apologies if you are, no offense intended - so the decision to get a 'matching' tattoo was something I did not step into lightly.

Love, faithfulness, each others names ~ are all things that you couldn't pay me to get permanently inked on my body. So we decided - ok I decided - to go with something that, in the event that we didn't make it, could have an alternate meaning. I also picked the place we would get them, on the back of our necks, so I could choose whether mine is visible or not. I'm sure his new wife just preens with joy every time he steps in front of her and she sees the mark on his neck permanently expressing his 'love' for another woman. Anyway.

So we went with the Japanese symbol for Eternal

(Rough translation - eternity)

As in, how long our love would last.

I know, I know. Gag me. But like I said, I's was a smart girl with a plan for an alternate ending.

Eternal is also the life that I have through Christ.

It is along that same thought process that I chose my 2nd tattoo.

Sar Shalom

Hebrew for 'Prince of Peace'

Last year an elder gentleman that lived in the apartments I lived in when I first moved here to Mobile lent me a book he thought I'd enjoy reading. It was called 'Praying the Names of Jesus' by Ann Spangler.

The book goes through 26 names Christ is known by and one that stood out to me most was Prince of Peace. I've mentioned in previous posts that I am a thinker. I will analyze something to absolute death, then revive it so I can think it to death again. The idea that I can just sit back and relax and have absolute Peace is almost an alien concept to me. But in actuality it's so much more than an idea. It is and can be, for anyone who chooses, an absolute reality.

There is nothing on this planet, in all of Heaven and Earth that God hasn't already seen and dealt with. So for me, Prince of Peace, serves as a reminder - a red ribbon around my finger - so to speak, that when people, things, life in general start to get to me and I begin my process of thinking myself into an absolute state of spazziness (it's my blog, I can make up words if I want to) I can look at my wrist and remember. Jesus paid it all, and all I have to do to have total Peace is trust in Him.

He was, is and always will be my Prince of Peace.

My friend Matthew went with me to offer moral support. Ok, he really went so he could laugh at me if I cried, but hey that's what friends are for right? I didn't laugh, but I did have to try awfully hard to refrain from letting loose a few choice words so he got a laugh or two in anyway.

Matthew is a relatively new friend I met on OKCupid. He is one of the 3 fellas I mentioned in a previous post that were better suited to 'friend' category than 'date' and I have to say I am glad he's content to fill those shoes. So far he's been a pretty good friend and I'm happy to have him around.

So here are a few pictures of the process. Thank you Matt (not to be confused with Matthew) of Royal Street Tattoo for my newest art piece.

A shiny ink free wrist - the 'canvas'

Me and Matthew

Matt - the artist who funny enough does kind of resemble Matthew

The template and finished product

This morning - not so red and puffy anymore!

You can't really tell from the pictures here, but the 'letters' are outlined in black and filled in with light blue with white highlights. Since the symbols are so small Matt suggested I just have them completely filled in, but I wanted to be complicated (I know you're so suprised!) and have some color. I may eventually go with his suggestion and have it filled in later but I'll wait a while and see how it settles after it heals to see.

Some may wonder why I chose the location ~ well there are dual reasons. One, is because I'd like to find the translation of 'My Provider' and have it done on my right wrist. But the deeper and more personal reason is having it on my wrist serves as a symbol of just what Jesus voluntarily went through so I could have that Peace I so often struggle with. In light of that, anything I might face seems kind of like small potatoes.

Sex, love and gay marriage.

Or, why I think people who voted yes on Prop 8 need to get a clue.

My brain is still fried, my heart is heavy and I just can't manage to dig a coherent sentence out of my brain. Well that was one, but two would be pushing it. So I'm going to share a post that I stumbled across this morning over on My Life is a Beautiful Mess.

I dream of one day having a husband and family. That being said I am also attracted to women. I have, in the past, been in intimate situations with women. According to society, that makes me 'Bi'.

I'm not big on labels, abhor them actually, so unless some one asks I don't usually share my 'sexual preference' with people. I am also a born again, filled with the spirit CHRISTIAN. I've been saved since I was 13 and am active in my church. You may be thinking umm how can she be a Christian and be bi?!

Easy. I simply love. It wasn't easy at first, when I realized I was attracted to women I had a crisis of faith. I'd been taught my entire life that being 'gay' was an abomination and here I was - someone who loved God with all her heart feeling things that had been drilled into my head were not right to feel.

I spent a good year and a half praying, crying, reading, seeking God and begging Him to 'take away' the feelings of attraction I had for women. Long story short - He didn't. What He did do was lead me to 'study and show myself approved'. I read the Bible, I looked up references, I prayed some more and read some more and cried some more. I talked to God more that year than I probably ever have in my life and what He finally showed me was this; God IS LOVE.

He loves me as I am, He created me as I am and in His eyes, I am perfect.

Just As I Am.

People will always shun what they don't understand, what makes them uncomfortable, what is different, and that is completely understandable. But what isn't understandable or OK is making a group of people feel that they are 'less than' just because they live a different way.

As a Christian - a follower of Christ - my 'job' is to love everyone. I'm not saying I always succeed, I in fact fail often, but I do know that it is not my job to tell someone they are wrong in how they feel. It is my job to show them the love of Christ and if He has issue with something in their life, He'll take care of it.

Well that intro turned into a post in itself and I think I've depleted what little momentum I'd built up there so without further ado I give you..


10 reasons why gay marriage is wrong. (READ THE ENTIRE THING)

1. Being gay is not natural.
And real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning, tattoos, piercings and silicon breasts…

2. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay.
In the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

3. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior.
People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract. Lamps are next.

4. Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn’t changed at all.
Hence why women are still property, blacks still can’t marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

5. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed.
And we can’t let the sanctity of Britney Spears’ 55-hour just-for-fun marriage be destroyed.

6. Straight marriages are valid because they produce children.
So therefore, gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn’t be allowed to marry because our population isn’t out of control, our orphanages aren’t full yet, and the world needs more children.

7. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children.
Since, of course, straight parents only raise straight children.

8. Gay marriage is not supported by religion.
In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That’s why we have only one religion in America.

9. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home.
Which is exactly why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms.
Just like we haven’t adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

Feel free to re-post this if you believe love makes a marriage.

Can't live with 'em can't kill 'em..

Or can you?

When I first decided to jump head first into the 'wide world of dating' I asked 'Jane', gal pal, fellow blogger and One Date Wonder extraordinaire to guest post on my blog. She shared her knowledge on how to initiate first contact in online dating, the best if not most polite way to decline or deter interest from a would be suitor that you'd rather not be well suited by and several more pearls of wisdom that my dating deficit had left me not knowing.

Last night my non-existent love life got a little more complicated and my brain is in a bit of a fuzz, so I've asked Jane if I could borrow her latest post and spread a little more sage advice amongst you all. Don't worry, I'll fill you in on the latest complication soon, but for now... check out Jane's advice on how to handle a break-up.

And let me tell you - I wish I'd read this 6 years ago the 1st time my ex-fiance and I broke up. I may have saved myself about 7 more break-ups and a 2nd engagement. Then again I'm pretty hard headed so maybe not. Hope you're a better listener than I would have been ;)

Breaking up is hard to do

Unfortunately when it comes to breaking up, there is no magic bullet. No one sure fire way to erase the pain and move on. No path to avoid longing, or pain, or heart break. And no way to erase memories. It’s going to hurt. And anyone who tells you otherwise is a filthy liar. The only thing you can do is to develop a way to survive through the time it will take for your heart to mend again. And that’s what I’ve been invited here to talk about with you today. Because, of course, I have an opinion on this.

My breakup philosophy is pure and simple like the freshly fallen snow, and is called Dead To Me (DTM). DTM is a straightforward philosophy both simple in name and premise. Practice is deceptively difficult. In short, you new ex is now dead to you. No longer exists. *poof*

First you must explain DTM to all of your friends. Surely they have all been there, all love you, and all believe that ex was never good enough for you anyway. They will help to distract you, keep from talking endlessly about him, and definitely keep you from contacting him.

Regarding contact, here is the thing: Your ex is dead (to you). We do not call the dead on the telephone. We do not send the dead emails. We do not text the dead when we are drunk. The dead are beyond these means of communication. So when fully practicing DTM, all of these are automatically prohibited. As part of the DTM philosophy all of those means of contact must be erased. (Ladies seriously, in your cell phones? This includes saved voice mails, your contact list, text message history, and your recent and missed calls. I know all your tricks. Stop holding on over there.) Please also add any other means of online, telephone, cell phone, or other communication you can think of. Simple so far, right?

Unfortunately, sometimes the dead refuse to stay that way. These zombies of exes will pop up. They will want to just say hi, or be friends, or possibly have a booty call. Now listen carefully… have you ever seen those old horror flicks? The black and white ones, with the zombies? Seriously, would you go to bed with that? Hell no! Those are to be attacked with axes or burning stakes or something. Not welcomed back into your cell phone, or your MySpace, or your bed. Zombie sex…. just ick. Plus I’m sure that kissing a zombie results in you becoming undead yourself. And really, who wants that? Remember, if your pesky ex reappears, he is a zombie and is to be ignored.

On a more serious note, the last step is unfortunately the hardest. Even if you manage to stop contacting him and even if you manage not to let him wheedle his way back in, the part that no one can really help you with is making your heart forget. The purpose of DTM is to give you the room to let go. It is easy to imagine maybe things weren’t that bad and to get caught up in missing him. But for the most part, whatever did you in the first time will do you in again. That is usually the way way of things. So it is best to hold on to DTM instead of holding on to him. Hold on to your friends, not your zombie. I will not lie… it won’t be easy. But eventually, you will heal.

That's why they call it...puppy love

Someone has a boyfriend...

No it isn't me. Well who is it you ask? Bella, my Pit Bull puppy.

Something is seriously wrong when your damn dog has better luck picking up men than you do.

Anyway. Moving on.


A little over a month ago Bella and I were sitting out in the courtyard at my apartment while I was waiting for my laundry to dry. It was a gorgeous day out and I was letting her enjoy herself playing and rolling around in grass.

Well while we were soaking up the sun a guy walked up with a much bigger dog and let me tell you, it was slobber and neck biting at first butt sniff.

They ran and played and beat the crap out of each other for thirty minutes at least, then Michael; Bella's new boyfriend's dad said they needed to be getting back to their apartment, and the fun was over.

Ahh the parting was sad, both pulling at their leashes, wanting time for just one more roll in the grass, but with a promise of a later play date they finally gave in and Capone went home.

Now we have a standing agreement that whenever we see each other out the leashes come off and the slobbering commences.

Here are some pictures of the frisky pups having fun. Capone is a Pit mix, his dad is not quite sure what he's mixed with but judging from the size he is now and that he's barely over a year old I'm thinking maybe it's Great Dane. Or horse.

I guess he thought she needed a pedicure?

Capone being a gentleman, letting the lady drink first.

Michael having a chat with the puppies about proper courting behavior

**Edit** The most popular comment I get on this post is 'Does Michael have a girlfriend?' Yes he does, and a hot one at that lol. But even if he didn't, he's not really my type. So I'll just stick with worrying about our 'children' dating :)

Just another day at the office

Phase 1

You are listening to jazz -- Your first day at work is great. Your co-workers are wonderful, your cubicle is cute, and your boss is the best!

Phase 2

You are listening to pop music -- After a while you are so busy that you are not sure if you're coming or going anymore.

Phase 3

You are listening to heavy metal -- This is what you feel like at month end.

Phase 4

You are listening to hip hop -- You become bloated due to stress, feel sluggish and suffer from constipation. Your co-workers are too cheerful for your liking and the walls of your cubicle are closing in. You have started thinking 'WHATEVER' about your boss.

Phase 5

You are listening to GANGSTA RAP -- After more time passes, your eyes start to twitch, you forget what a 'good hair day' feels like as you just fall out of bed and load up on caffeine.

and Finally

Phase 6

You are listening to the voices in your head -- You have build a makeshift door on your cubicle to keep people out, You have a dartboard with your boss' picture on it in your cube, You wonder why you are even here in the first place.

This Christmas, you can be a hero too

If you've ever watched Extreme Make-over Home Edition then you already know that Sears is a company that cares about people.

Well this year they are going above and beyond. With the Sears Heroes at Home Wish Registry you can make a donation that will be used to purchase gift cards to be distributed to Military Families that have expressed a need this Christmas.

Some families have a deployed parent who will be missing Christmas with their spouse and child(ren), some have just returned home from a long tour overseas and will be spending the first Christmas with their family in years. You can read the stories of these Heroes and their families at Sears.com

These men and women have given so much so that we can have the freedom to celebrate Christmas in any way we believe. Maybe you can only donate $5, maybe you can donate $50, but every little bit will help make these families' Christmas a little more joyous.

It's my birthday and I'll cry if I want to

Well technically my birthday was Nov 24th, a week ago yesterday, but I've fallen a bit behind on blogging so I'm playing catch up today.

And I did cry on my birthday. Both happy and sad tears.

Monday was an eventful day for me in a lot of ways. Some of those ways will not be blogged about, rather they will remain a private experience between me and the other person involved.

In other ways - which I will blog about - I received flowers for the very first time in my life. ~ Happy tears.

It was also the last time I saw PT before he departed to Japan the following Thursday. ~ Very very sad tears.

We'll focus on the happy today.

A fantabulous gal I met at church a while back sent me flowers at work for my birthday. She was veery veery sneaky too, I had no idea.

Here are the flowers and I. Both smiling.

Today is Tuesday, a full week and a day later and they are still happy and smiling at me on my desk. The first picture turned out a bit blurry so I carried them into my bosses office (he gets great light from outside!) and took a better picture.






Life might not always be roses, but when you have friends like this.. you still end up smelling like flowers.