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Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Changes are a-comin'

A few things.

1. I've been a totally sucky blogger lately. I apologize. Pre-inputting the Mind Ripper story and being able to schedule the chapters to post has made me lazy. I was able to copy and paste 2 full weeks worth of blog posts in one day and sit back and let blogger take care of posting them for me each day.

2. I've been giving serious thought to giving away my remaining cat. I gave his brother away a few months ago because I really didn't have time to give 2 cats the attention they needed. I know most cats just sit on the back of the couch and stare at you, but the two I adopted almost 4 years ago are the most neediest, attention wanting cats I've ever come across in my life.

The one I kept is much more needy than his brother and I just felt guilty, like I was having to basically ignore one cat because the other needed so much attention, so I gave him away. The young lady I gave him too loved him on sight and he seemed to like her as well so I felt confident that he'd get all the love and attention he deserved.

So now I have one cat, and I don't know if it's just changes in my life, a mood malfunction or what, but I just really don't seem to have the time or energy to mess with him anymore. He's really the sweetest most loving cat I've ever seen but all I can feel is annoyed by his presence. He wakes me up at the ass crack of dawn EVERY single morning, sitting in my face meowing for his treat.

I made the mistake of getting them both on a routine when they were kittens and now I'm suffering for it. If I'm not up and moving by 6am he makes damn sure I'm aware of his dissatisfaction with the fact that I'm still in bed and he hasn't had his piece of cheese yet. I don't even pee first when I get up in the morning. I wake up, crawl out of bed and go straight to the kitchen to give him a piece of cheese. THEN I can take care of stuff I need to do.

I find myself being more angry at having a cat lately than peaceful. I've read that people who have cats tend to be more at peace and relaxed. That may have been the case once upon a time, but no longer, and it's not fair to the kitty. He's doing nothing different now than he has for the past 3 and a half years. He's a bit more vocal now that his brother is gone, but that's really the only thing that's changed. He's really low maintenance, other than the constant yelling meowing at me to pet him, pick him up, feed him, pay attention to him.

3. So if I do end up re-homing him then I'll no longer be the "Crazy Cat Lady". I may still be a little crazy, and unfortunately still a lady, but there will be no Cat in the equation. So.. I'll have to come up with a new blog name and theme. Right now I'm thinking..."F Dating, Guys are Pieces of Sh*t - My Journey to Becoming a Full Blown Lesbian!". If you're wondering where the hostility is coming from... continue reading.

4. Ok I know I said a few things, and technically a few is 3, but there's not really a word for 4 that works in the same context. I'm going to the store to pick up a quad things. Ya.. doesn't really work.

Anyway.. so I've mentioned a few times before that I've finally decided to step outside the isolation box I've been living in for the past four years, take a deep breath, hold my nose and jump off the deep end of sanity of single life into the pool of dating. I signed up on Yahoo Personals. I paid for a one month subscription so I could actually message people back who'd messaged me and after the lack of appealing responses cancelled before the 2nd months payment was due.

It's not that I didn't get responses, I did. I just didn't get any from anyone who fit any kind of idea I had about someone I'd be interested in going out with. The majority of guys who messaged me were ridiculously slightly older than the age range I'd specified. I'm 32, so I listed 27-37 as my preferences. I know that's only a 5 years span on either side, but I have very young parents. My mom just turned 50 and my dad is 46. Before you do the math and freak out he's my step-dad. He adopted me when I was 5, so for all intents and purposes he's my dad.

So the idea of dating someone who may have more in common with my parents than I do is just not an idea I'm gung-ho about, yet I can safely say that about 75% of the guys who messaged me were 42 or older. Much older. And the other guys who messaged me were either guys who smoked, drank or just really didn't appeal to me on a physical level. Think ZERO physical attraction.

I did end up chatting back and forth with 3 different guys for a bit.

One of them expressed in his profile that he's extremely shy and as a result has a hard time meeting people. Boy was he not kidding. I'm not adverse to being the facilitator in communication but when having a conversation becomes as fun and easy as pulling teeth, with pliers, and no anesthetic then I'm sorry but it just stops working for me. Conversation should be able to flow at least some what easily. Sure getting it started can take some work but it shouldn't be difficult to keep it going if there are mutual interests. So that kind of fizzled.

The 2nd guy seemed cool, not someone I'd really be interested in dating, but as I said I've been living in a self induced social coma for several years, so I thought if nothing else then he'd be a new friend and someone fun to hang out with. We text back and forth a few times a week and planned to meet one weekend when I was in town. He lived in MS, I live in AL, but to go MS a few times a month to visit family and he is planning to move to Mobile soon. Well something came up and I wasn't able to get out of town that weekend. We kept texting and finally weekend before last ended up meeting.

It was my sister's birthday and a bunch of family & friends and I were out clubbing it up. We'd gone to one bar, where a friend of my sister's from school was having a party. It was her birthday too. Then we went to the Hard Rock Casino and met my cousin, who's birthday was 2 days prior, at some bar/club called the Road House Live. There was a live cover band. Playing country music. It was torture. We'd toughed it out there for about an hour and had just decided we'd had enough and were trying to decide where to go next. Right about that time guy #2 calls and says he's at the same bar that we'd been to earlier. So we decide to go back there to finish off the night.
He and his friend were leaving when we got there, the music was techno/rave, really LOUD techno/rave and they weren't big fans, but we got to meet and chat for a few before they headed out.

This past week I text him and asked what he was doing on Saturday. I wanted to go to Dauhpin Island and spend the day at the beach and wanted company. He has two little boys, ages 3 and 4 and I told him to bring them along and we'd make a day of it. He said cool, we set up the time and that was that.

Friday morning I get this text - "I got a f'ing DUI last night!" Keep in mind, I said this wasn't someone I was interested in dating, just being friends with. He smokes and drinks. Both are things that just aren't acceptable in a guy I'll be with. Occasional social drinking sure. A beer or two on the weekend I have no problem with. This guy gets trashed midweek. I won't date anyone who drinks to get drunk. I don't drink, have never been drunk and just really don't see the point in it. In my personal opinion it's stupid. A waste of money, a killer on your body and an embarrassment to you the next morning and any one who had the misfortune to be around you the night before. Now take how much I'm against drinking to get drunk and multiply it times 34230809 and you'll come close to how I feel about people who Drink and DRIVE.

If you want to put your own life at risk knock yourself out. But when you get behind the wheel of a car and are intoxicated. You're risking the life of everyone else who is on the road. Not cool, Not OK, NOT Acceptable. I didn't give him a hard time about the DUI, but I wasn't sympathetic either. Needless to say he didn't make it to the beach with me and we haven't text each other since.

The 3rd guy was older than the range I was looking for, 42, but seemed like a really nice guy and looked young. He also resembled my ex-fiance which I wasn't entirely sure how I felt about. We talked back in forth in e-mail for a bit, then moved on to messenger and I finally agreed to meet him for lunch. Today. I talked to him yesterday morning briefly and everything was on schedule. I was meeting him at Red Lobster at noon.

I fully expected him to sign on messenger this morning, to say hey, make sure plans were still a-go. He didn't. So I called him at 11am to make sure we were still on. He didn't answer. Now I've been known to over analyze things before. My brain is set up permanent over-drive and it takes nothing at all to send it into a frenzy concocting the worst possible scenarios for any and everything. While I'm sitting at work, watching the clock I begin to assume the worst. He didn't sign on, he didn't answer his phone, that bastard is going to stand me up.

Now this was to have been the first date I'd been on in almost 9 years. I've only been on a total of I think 3 dates in my entire life. As I said before, my ex-fiance and I didn't date. We talked online, met one weekend and moved in together the next. We were together for 3 years, there was no dating.

So I decide that before I drive to the restaurant, sit there and look like an idiot when no one shows up, I'll call to see if he's there. I'd already called his cell earlier and got no answer and I'm only about a 7-10 minute drive from where we were meeting so even if I didn't leave until 11:55, I'd only be a few minutes late. I call and ask if they're really busy. I'm told no, there are only a few people in the restaurant, so I give the bar tender the guy's description and ask if he sees anyone who looks like him there. No ma'am.

That was at 11:45.

I decide to give him the benefit of the doubt. It's still early, maybe he's not there yet. So I call back at 12:10, talk to a different person, give them the description, ask them to see if anyone matches. No ma'am, there's no one here that looks like that. Look, it's not like the guy would blend in in a crowd. He's 6'1, 250lbs, bald head with a goatee. He definitely would be easy to spot in a mostly empty restaurant. I've been stood up.

Well I guess I can't technically say I was stood up since I didn't go either but you know what I mean.

Well 1:15pm rolls around and mister no-show signs on messenger. "I called your phone earlier. You didn't answer". "Are you sure you dialed right?", he says, "I don't have any missed calls". I give him the number, knowing I didn't miss dial and he confirms. "Hmm" he says, "I think I'm going to change carriers."


I tell him I called the restaurant twice to see if he was there. They had 3 different people look and no one saw anyone that matched his description. He says he was there, even goes so far as to say he thinks he'll have to call the restaurant and complain. I told him to go ahead and knock himself out, but not to do it on my account.

If there wasn't already his age and his resemblance to my ex that were making me iffy about going out with him then this would have been enough to clue me in it wasn't in the cards. I told him that I thought he seemed like a nice guy, and that I wish him the best but that I wouldn't be calling again. He said he understood, but just wanted me to know that he did show up.

Maybe he did, maybe he didn't, only God knows now for sure. But the whole thing just rubbed me wrong. I finally get to the point where I'm brave enough to step outside of the damage my previous relationship left to try and meet someone and I get nada.

Maybe I'm giving up too soon, maybe I never really even started trying, who knows. I mean it's not like I've literally lived in a box for the past 4 years. Sure I didn't go out much in a social aspect, but I still got out and about in places where I'm seen. Do guys not pick chics up at the grocery store, or the gym anymore?

Why can't I meet a nice guy at the library? I tell you, that would have to be my dream way to meet a guy. I'm browsing the supernatural romance section for the latest Laurel K Hamilton novel and look over and there is this super hot guy in sci-fi checking me out.

"You like fantasy?" he asks.

I smile and reply, "I have a thing for sex and vampires".

He comes over, grabs me around the waist, nibbles my neck and we live happily every after.

A girl can dream... can't she?

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