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Tuesday, July 15, 2008

And now for... The Rest of the Story

Yesterday's post was the last of the Mind Ripper Story. At least the last of what I'd written about. I wrote that last part in June of 2001.

In July of 2001 I moved back to Michigan. Prior to breaking up we had agreed that he'd go back to Michigan, find a job, get a place and I'd follow him once my lease was up in the apartment where I was living. I'd already given notice at my job and turned in notice to the apartment that I was moving before he met someone and decided he didn't love me anymore.

Not one to let a silly thing like a new girlfriend stand in the way of what I believed was fate, I moved anyway.

We did end up back together. He asked me to marry him again and I didn't say yes so much as I just didn't say no. I remember when he took me back to his mom's to tell her he'd proposed (again) that I had this feeling like, am I really doing this? She smiled and said all the appropriate comments. "You must really love her son, you keep going back to her". Psh

He moved in with me. And that was the beginning of the end. The real end.

One night in April 2003 my phone rang. It was about 1:30 in the morning. I'm in bed sleeping, he's in the computer room online - chatting. I go in and ask him who the hell is calling my house at 2am and he says "It's this girl, I gave her your number".

I'm sorry.. you what?

He explained that he had told her to call and had invited her to come hang out. At my house.

Again.. I'm sorry.. you WHAT?!?

He tried to play it off like, "what? We can't have new friends? She's just coming over to hang out with us".

Us huh? I'd been asleep when the phone rang and was pretty damn sure I wasn't interested in "hanging out" with anyone at that particular hour, much less some Internet chic.

I turned around, walked to my room, pulled all of his clothes out of the closet, walked back down the hallway and dumped them on the floor in front of the computer room door.

I said, "Take your sh*t and get the F&#K out of my house. I'm DONE!"

If I hadn't been so pissed at him giving some chic off the Internet MY number and having her call MY house at 2 in the morning I would have been amused at how he tried to back pedal his way out of what he'd done.

There had been so many times we'd broken up that I'd taken him back. So many times he'd lied, cheated, and abused me that I forgave him. For some reason that night was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. I was done.

Done giving everything I had to someone who didn't appreciate it. Done loving him so much it hurt. Done letting him belittle me and abuse me into losing every bit of self esteem I'd once had. Done hoping beyond all hope that "one day he'll change" and things will work out.

It was like something clicked in my head and I'd finally had enough. He called several times in the following months. Saying how sorry he was, how he loved and missed me, how he realized what a good thing we had, etc and so on. I'd always taken him back before so I don't think he really thought I was serious this time.

He was wrong.

And once he saw that I wasn't backing down the calls became more frantic. I told him I was happy to be his friend, we could hang out and still do stuff together but as far as being with him in a relationship.. it wasn't going to happen. Ever again.

He got mad, saying he didn't want to just be my friend, that if he couldn't have me the way he wanted he wasn't able to talk to me at all. It was just too hard. And even though this tiny tiny part of my heart wished with every thing I had that he meant it I knew in my head that he was full of it. He'd had 3 years of someone bending over backward for him, going out of their way to do everything they could to make him happy and his life easy and now that was gone.

Every so often he'd call to ask me to come hang out. Sometimes I would. We'd rent movies and lay in bed watching them, and for a few hours I felt whole again. I let my wishful thinking get the best of me once and in September of 2003 we slept together. It was then that I realized he was right. We wouldn't ever be able to be "just friends".

Last I heard he married a 19yr old girl he'd been dating off and on for about 3 years and they moved to Kentucky to live with his parents. They recently had a baby. Although I hear through the grape vine it's not his. He's still the same kid in a man's body he's always been. Not working, no apparent concept of what responsibility, love and relationships really mean.

I feel sorry for the girl. She's so young and fell for his lines just like all the others. But it's not my problem anymore.

Posting this story has been somewhat cathartic for me. Reading back over the past 8 years of my life, seeing where I've been, what I've been through and how far I've come leaves me with mixed emotions.

I'm sad, for the love lost, angry for the things I allowed myself to go through, thankful for the lessons I've learned and will therefore hopefully never repeat, and nervous, anxious and apprehensive of what's to come.

One of the bloggers I follow
One Date Wonder is also on Twitter and she twitted this the other day "At what point does a girl just pack it in and admit there really isn't anyone out there for her? Happiness is an impossible goal"

I replied "Hopefully never! Or else I may as well give up now."

She answered back "Don't you ever think it might be easier just to give up? Hope just hurts."

All the time girlfriend... all the time.

4 People who coughed on a furball:

Jane Wonder said...

These days I'm thinking the solution is to pack it up and start fresh somewhere new. Sometimes I think it is the only way to escape those last few tendrils of hope that causing me pain. If I were somewhere new, I'd know to stop hoping for those things anymore. Or would I just find new things that would eventually hurt?

You are very brave to keep hoping. I think hope requires bravery.

Mollie said...

Jane,

I wish I could say a new location is the answer.. but for me at least, all it did was give me a new place to hope for things that have yet to come through. Michigan, Mississippi, Alabama..

I think you're far braver than I, at least you'll get out there and try to date. I'm still afraid to leave my house and meet new people!

Big Momma Pimpalishisness said...

I've read all of these but haven't commented. I'm just so glad that you were able to get through this all and leave and not go back. A weaker woman would still be with him today.

Mollie said...

Yvonne,

Thank you.. it still amazes me to this day that I stayed as long as I did. I'd always thought of myself as such a strong independant woman who'd never put up with "that kind of guy". Guess love is not only blind, but deaf, dumb and stupid as well!! lol