Goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend..

2008

There are so many thoughts chasing themselves in circles inside my head. When I woke up this morning I'd already half way finished verbalizing what I'd write today. Yet when I got to work and opened the page to start typing - nothing came.

2008 has been a big year for me. Many things have happened - some good - some eh not so good - some absolutely heart breaking - some breathtakingly beautiful.

I guess the best way to wrap this year up would be to just make a list - an accounting of all the big things that were.. and those that weren't.

I'm not going to number them because my OCD self would get stuck or something and spaz out trying to come up with one more thing so I can end on an even number.

No particular order, no good first bad last, just.. as they come to me - here are the events that outlined this year of my life - 2008.

• I started the year with two kitties, I ended it with none.
• I re-homed them at separate times, but they both ended up at the same home - together again. That makes me happy.
• I got a puppy - my first since the dog I had through most of my childhood and early 20's died in 2000.
• Edit - I thought I got a puppy. Turns out I got a goat in a pit bull costume.
• Required walking to help tame her excessive energy is going to help me get back in shape.
• After 5yrs of being single I decided to try my hand at dating and signed up on a few dating sites.
• I ended up talking to quite a few guys, but only ended up going on two actual dates.
• One was eh OK. He was a sweet guy - just not for me.
• The other - turned my life upside down. He was the perfect guy for me, and he broke my heart. But I will always care for him deeply and never regret a single second of knowing him.
• I tried to help out some family members who seemed to be having a hard time of things by letting them move in with me. One was my cousin, she stayed with me a few months - then screwed me over and we no longer talk. The other was my mom - she stayed a few months as well. It wasn't terrible, but it wasn't exactly pleasant and put a tremendous strain on our already tenuous relationship.
• My new roommate moves in this weekend - not sure if I'm nervous, excited or just apathetic.
• I enrolled in college in October and took 2 classes for the fall semester. Next week I will begin the spring semester - 4 classes. I will be in my 3rd semester as a freshman.
• It's taken 10yrs to go back to college but I finally did it, and in this particular thing - I have never been more proud of myself.
• I broke a 4yr vow of abstinence in January with a guy I'd been friends with for 20yrs, and now we don't talk. I cannot express how sad that makes me.
• I went 6 more months without sex then attempted the FWB thing - it worked for me in my 20's. It does not work for me now.
• PT was the last person I shared myself with - and unless a miracle of all miracles happens and I fall in love and get married one day. He WILL be the last person to ever know me in that way.
• I reached my 1yr anniversary at my job, had a 1yr review and did fantastic. Looking forward to my raise in January.
• I started actively blogging again - and have net met many great people as a result.
• I also started Twittering - and am on the way to some really incredible friendships because of it.
• I found a new church home that I love - although tensions with PT's friends have made it not quite as enjoyable going lately.
• I'm determined to work through that last issue- their attitude is their problem- not mine.
• I met an angel - well really a person, but the way God has used them to help me is truly Angelic.
• I'm thinking I may be putting that person on too high a pedestal, because thus far they've only made me smile - that just changed. No one is perfect.
• I still think that person is going to help me learn more about myself than anyone else ever has - and for that I am thankful.
• I've renewed my vow of chastity to myself - and to God.
• The last is going to be hard - that is a part of myself I have struggled with for years. It's time I stopped struggling and let God take care of it - and me.

I know there's more - so much more, but remembering all the things I've been through is making me tired. It's been a very draining year - emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausting. I've faith that 2009 will be my year of revival.

Remembering things can be hard, especially when you've not fully over them. I've learned this year that everything has a process and my processor doesn't always seem to work right. I don't like dealing with things, I don't like emotions so I don't allow myself to go through the stages that are apparently necessary to heal, which means I just bury things. Problem on top of problem, hurt on top of hurt until I run out of room to pile them and I collapse into a sobbing emotional wreck.

This next year I want to work on processing things as they happen - allowing myself to feel, to love, to fear, to hurt, to heal and then to move on.

Mostly though - I want to work on allowing myself to be happy. I've not done that in a very very long time - if truly ever. I want to allow myself to truly BELIEVE that I am special, that I am capable and worthy of being loved - by others - but mostly by me.

So while 2008 wasn't entirely great - it wasn't entirely sucky either. I lived, I learned, I loved, I lost.. and now I'm moving on.

So to 2008 I say - goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend - you have been the one - you have been the one for me. But now I'm ready for someone new.

I'm ready for ME.

Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns:

Dear Rick:

I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with our woman neighbour.

I am 32, my husband is 34 , and we have been married for twelve years.

When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was sacked from his job six months ago, and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. He won't go to counseling and I'm afraid I can't get through to him anymore. Can you please help?


Sincerely, Sarah





Dear Sarah:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all earth wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburettor float chamber.

I hope this helps.

Rick

More than words...

Yesterday I received 2 emails that robbed rendered me speechless.

One was on myspace from someone I've never met and rarely spoken to online- she reads my blog. The other was on facebook from someone I went to high school with -but again, rarely speak to.

I'm always amazed that people read the stuff I write. I'm even more amazed when the scramble that is my life somehow inadvertently touches the life of another.

The first email was in response to my New LIFE Resolution post yesterday.

I just wanted to tell you that I really enjoy reading your blogs. You're funny, informative, and entertaining! I'm glad I met you via myspace. I realized after I read your blog today that you and I are a lot alike. I too have not been making friends for the past several years. I'm outgoing and friendly, but for some reason I just haven't met any women that I want to get to know better. At work most of the women there are all fake or they stab you in the back to move up the work ladder.

I haven't had a best girlfriend for about 6 years and I really miss having that girl time. I never go out with anyone but my husband and sometimes some of his friends. Anyway, I was thinking that maybe sometime you'd like to get together and hang out. Are you still living in Mobile? If you are, I head over that way pretty often. We could get a bite to eat, go for a walk, or grab a coffee or something. You seem pretty open to meeting new people online so that's why I asked. I need to open myself up to making new friends also. If you're not comfortable with meeting I totally understand. I'm also fine with just communicating online.
Talk to you later!

I'm a bit torn on this one - b/c I've never really gotten along with women well. In HS I had one 'good' female friend, and in the 15yrs since graduating have only had one 'close' female friend and we never hang out or get together. But she knows me inside and out and there's not much I wouldn't tell her - from the other end of the phone lol.

I wrote her back though and said sure - let's hang out.

Part of my New LIFE Resolution is about stepping outside of my comfort zone, branching out into new areas of life that most people don't think twice about. Meeting people is one of those areas for me.

What really touched me though is that by me sharing my life - my fears, my goals - I've somehow helped someone else feel brave enough to step out and try something they've not done in a while. That's pretty awesome

The 2nd email - I'm not even sure if she follows my blog not, and if not - then it's even more awe inspiring b/c the only thing she's had to go by are my 'status updates' on facebook.

You and I have never REALLY talked, but I want to tell you how much of an inspiration you are to me. We are so similar in the way we deal with things but unlike you, I am only now coming back to Christ. I guess having a marriage plunking into the toilet would have that affect on someone(that or I'd get drunk every day!! It HURTS!!). I've never had this kind of relationship with Christ even when I was a regular churchgoer. It helps me to be at peace despite the circumstances, at least most days. Anyway, don't mind my rambling, just know that you make a difference in my life and you are on my mind. Thank you, Mollie.

I've never in my wildest imaginations thought of myself as someone who's faith was strong enough to, not only got ME through hard times, but help someone ELSE get through them as well. That blows my mind - robs me of words.

I am in AWE at the marvelous power of God to work through me - in spite of me.

To you ladies who write to say I've somehow touched your lives - Thank YOU, because you've touched mine so much more.

2009 is already shaping up to be one hella fantastic year - and it hasn't even gotten here yet!!

Feeling ~and looking~ fine in 2009

Resolution schmesolution.

How many of you have ever made and actually KEPT a New Year's Resolution?

I see, what, two - three hands?

Liars lol

I've never actually made a New Year's Resolution, and this year will be no different.

What I have decided to do is make a New LIFE Resolution - and I'm not waiting for the New Year to do it.

Today - Monday, December 29, 2008 is the 1st day of my new life. A life to becoming the very best ME I can be.

I'm not going to get on a 'diet' or 'exercise plan'. I'm not going to follow a 'program' in some self-help book I read. What I am going to do is just make some basic, but important changes that will result in bringing me back to a healthier (mental and physical) and happier ME.

So without further ado, here are a few of the things I will be changing - adjusting - adding etc.

1. Switch from the full to non-fat version of my favorite Starbucks drink. Hey - important changes come first!

2. Limit my Starbucks purchases to one a week - not only will this help my waistline - it will help my wallet!!

3. Walk the dog at least one mile EVERY DAY! The only exception to this rule will be rain or freezing weather - in which case we will find a way to play in the apartment in a way that will wear both of our butts out!

4. Back to not eating meat. I did really good for almost a year, then the thing with PT happened and I started finding myself at Krystals now and again. Not entirely sure what's on those burgers can be classified as actual meat, but still.

5. Back to eating portion controlled balanced meals - that means more salad, veggies, fruits and healthy grains, lots of baked and grilled fish and seafood too!

6. Setting aside "God Time" - I talk to God all the time, throughout the day, here and there, but I need to start setting aside a quiet time just for He and I. Time to talk AND listen, to pray, to read, to get closer to Him.

7. Work on social interaction skills - STOP LAUGHING! I'm serious. You've no idea what living in self imposed isolation for 5yrs can do to the most simplest of social skills. I mean I didn't have many to begin with, but now - eek. It's rough. I think people don't quite understand what I mean when I say self imposed isolation.

After my ex-fiance and I broke up I sort of enclosed myself in a bubble. I saw people at work and church. I talked to them, but I made no connection, shared no personal information about me, didn't care to hear any about them. For 5yrs I had only minimal interaction with people and what there was of that was superficial - not meaning it was 'fake' per say, just that there was no depth to it.

So now I'm left not even knowing how the process of becoming friends with someone works. But I've recently 'net met' one of the sweetest guys on the planet who is helping me work through that, so hopefully in time I'll be a bit less inept at interpersonal relationships.

8. Love ME. This one is going to take the most work I think. Years of never feeling like I fit in, like I was 'enough', like I was deserving or capable of being loved have sort of set a precedent in how I react to people, how I react to myself. So learning to love ME - will ultimately result in allowing me to love others, and BE LOVED in return. Once again that same sweet fella I mentioned in #7 has come to my 'rescue' . In a recent conversation he asked me - "What is enough? And who are you trying to be enough for and who are they to say you're not? To God - you are perfect and without blemish - can you get anymore enough than that??"

I know lists like these usually come in tens, but I think these are 8 pretty big goals.

I suppose if there were a 9 it would this..

To express my sincere thanks and gratitude to my 'web friends'. You have lifted me up and loved me more than you can ever possibly know. I'd list you each to give proper credit but I'm afraid I'd leave someone out, so to you all - every blog friend, every twitter friend,

I LOVE YOU ALL!!

** Edit ~ you may notice that I've said nothing about dating, or romantic relationships in any of my changes. Well that's because I've decide to not let that particular area hold any more weight in my life so to speak. I'll leave up the one profile I have on OKC and if I get messages I'll reply and be open to seeing what - if anything - comes of it. But I've decided to 'put into practice' something I've always known, but never lived - and that is that God is ALL I NEED to be happy. To be healthy. To be loved. To be COMPLETE. So I'm trusting that in getting lost in HIM - the man of my dreams will find ME, and if he doesn't - well I'll still be OK =)

When it rains it pours...

I've been in a bit of a funk lately - yes I know, what again?

Things with PT are progressing in exactly the way I feared they would. We've chatted online some since he's been gone, but conversations have been somewhat short and random. We did have one meaningful conversation about some stuff that had happened before he left, but all other chats have been relatively inconsequential.

I'd like to blame the 15 hour time difference, his days are my nights and vice verse, but I imagine if you wanted to talk to someone badly enough you'd figure out how to work around it. So I fear I may be falling prey to the adage of 'out of sight, out of mind'. * sigh *

So anyway, instead of trying to come up with something new to write, I thought I'd share something old.

This is a poem I wrote in high school, somewhere around the age of 15 or 16 I believe.

Storms Revenge

As rain pours down drenching the earth
bringing life and yet giving birth
I watch the sky fade from light to dark
occasionally gifted with lightening's angry spark
I feel a kindred spirit with the drowning ground
smothered in tears by fate we are bound
to begin as one earth we are born of its ashes
we live from it's life we die on it's grasses
I long to live as an eagle, far away I'd fly
beautiful, splendid gliding, soaring high
To swoop down on unsuspecting prey
Feasting on weaker creatures, then all would rue the day
They tried to cross me and knock me down
I'd perch on my throne a Queen with a crown
of glorious white feathers and indescribable grace
I'd stand before them and show my true face
I'd laugh at their fear, scorn their regret
relinquishing hatred on all those I'd met
who's laughed while I cried
Lived happily while slowly I died... inside myself

He said, she said and butt the hell out!

Rumors, innuendos, twisted words.

Have you ever played the telephone game? You sit in a circle and tell the person to your right a 'secret', then they tell the person to their right and so on until it finally makes it all the way around the circle and back to you?

And when it does you find that the secret you told, "Jane's new shirt is not flattering to her figure", has turned into, "I heard Jane is pregnant and is wearing bigger clothes to hide her stomach!"

Well the 'telephone game' has recently become the very bane of my existence.

PT's group of friends are a peculiar sort. They are as a whole a rather close group, and within that group there are several extremely tight knit smaller groups. Which is odd to me, because from what I've seen and heard, and been told, they don't seem very loyal to each other.

I'm a very honest person. I will not saying something about you to another person that I won't and probably haven't already said to your face. I expect the same level of honestly from others. If you don't like me that's fine. I'm not going to cry about it.

If you think I'm a bitch, or fat, or ugly, or whatever, that's ok too. Don't think I'll be losing sleep over it. But don't talk crap about me behind my back then act like my friend to my face. I don't care if you talk crap about me, just do it to my face. Then we can be friends.

Well PT's friends may not like outsider's or be very welcoming to allowing anyone new into their little group, but they don't seem to have any problem talking about each other to those new people - i.e. ME.

A few of his 'inner circle' and I go to the same church, and there were a few times after church that they and I hung out in the parking lot chatting about this and that. During those times I was privy to all sorts of tales about his life. Now these are people who have known him for many years, people who he considers his very best friends, who call him one of theirs and here I am just some new chic who they barely know yet they seemed to have no qualms whatsoever about sharing very personal information about him, information that he'd not yet felt comfortable telling me himself.

Which is why what's going on currently makes absolutely no sense to me what-so-ever. Since PT moved to Japan I've chiseled my circle of people whom I really talk about him with to one. It seemed awkward and just not quite right to continue to chat about him with his friends when he wasn't there. The friend I talk to is acquainted with him and his friends, but not a part of their 'circle' and doesn't really know most of them that well.

There is one however that she has known a long time and it is that one who has me white knuckling my chair in an effort not to see how much pressure it would take to put my fist through a wall. Or his face.

I bet you never imagined I was capable of such anger or violence huh? You. have. no. idea.

Well Sunday morning after church my friend, the one friend she knows well and another of PT's inner circle were casually chatting and it came up that he and I were still talking. As you may know things were a bit tense when he left so getting things back to a happy friendly place has been my main focus. If you didn't know you can read the tale of PT and I here.

First thing this morning I get an email on facebook from PT that he'd been 'hearing stuff' and wonders what I've been 'telling people at church'.

I'm not one to pussy foot around so I shoot a reply back that pretty much said "can the crap - just tell me what you 'heard' and ask me if I said it". Well what made it to his ears was not only not true, but it didn't even come from me.

The 'one friend' took something someone else said, completely reworded it and passed it off to PT as having come from me. Well again, with the not being overly delicate, I confronted, ok maybe confront is a little bit hard, I conferred with the two gals that were involved in that conversation - I don't know the guy well and have never really spoken to him at length - and find out the truth.

This is where the post title comes in.

This guy - this 'best friend' of PT's - doesn't know me personally, I mean we've been introduced but have never really talked or interacted with one another, or anything about me really, yet seems to be going out of his way to cause drama between PT and I.

I understand being loyal to your friends. I understand looking out for them, trying to protect them if you think they're steering themselves in the wrong direction. I understand offering advice and council. I can even understand being somewhat reserved about a new person who's involvement with your friend has seemed to result in them being stressed. But flat out lying just to start crap?? That I don't get.

I have nothing to do with this guy and whether PT and I talk or not, is of no direct relationship to their friendship, yet he goes out of his way to spread lies about me. He's chosen to involve himself in something that has absolutely nothing to do with him whatsoever. And if he thinks that I won't make damn sure PT knows the truth then he's delusional. I don't do second hand knowledge. I don't operate in well he told her this who told me that.

I went directly to the people involved - got the truth, asked their permission (which was more of a courtesy than a need for permission) to screen shot the conversation and sent it back to PT. Here ya go - proof positive that your best bud is FULL OF SH*T. It's 4am in Japan right now so he's sleeping and I probably won't get a reply back until sometime later tonight or possibly tomorrow, but here's hoping that the truth will set this particular bit of drama free!

One thing I forgot to mention - and this is really the only explanation that makes any sense to me - this guy had checked out my profile on OKC before PT did, was in fact one of the 'quivers' that OKC matched me up with. Well he didn't put a shiver in my quiver if ya know what I mean.

So maybe he's just jealous that I picked PT over him - maybe it's a case of sour grapes. Then again I'm not all that so maybe not, but it sounded good! :D

Peace on Earth and good Lord that hurt!

I acquired my second tattoo last night and I will not even try to be one of those people who say "Oh nooo it didn't hurt at allllll!".

They LIE.

It hurts, a lot. But the pain is only temporary.

People get tattoos for different reasons. Some like the art, some select a picture that connects them to a special time or person in their life, some get drunk and wake up with a half naked chic on their chest, and some choose a word or phrase that has special meaning. I fall into the latter category.

I got my first tattoo in July of 2001. My sister had just turned eighteen and she, I, our step-brother, my ex-fiance, and his brother all went together with her to get her first tattoo. My ex-fiance is covered in tattoos. That's actually what he does for a job now and from what I understand he and a friend just opened a shop in Michigan.

While we were waiting for my sister to have her tattoo drawn, Lazeras (the ex-fiance's screen-name) and I decided that we wanted to get one too so we started looking through books. Now I've never been one of those silly females who will run and get a guys name inked on her boob or posterior - my apologies if you are, no offense intended - so the decision to get a 'matching' tattoo was something I did not step into lightly.

Love, faithfulness, each others names ~ are all things that you couldn't pay me to get permanently inked on my body. So we decided - ok I decided - to go with something that, in the event that we didn't make it, could have an alternate meaning. I also picked the place we would get them, on the back of our necks, so I could choose whether mine is visible or not. I'm sure his new wife just preens with joy every time he steps in front of her and she sees the mark on his neck permanently expressing his 'love' for another woman. Anyway.

So we went with the Japanese symbol for Eternal

(Rough translation - eternity)

As in, how long our love would last.

I know, I know. Gag me. But like I said, I's was a smart girl with a plan for an alternate ending.

Eternal is also the life that I have through Christ.

It is along that same thought process that I chose my 2nd tattoo.

Sar Shalom

Hebrew for 'Prince of Peace'

Last year an elder gentleman that lived in the apartments I lived in when I first moved here to Mobile lent me a book he thought I'd enjoy reading. It was called 'Praying the Names of Jesus' by Ann Spangler.

The book goes through 26 names Christ is known by and one that stood out to me most was Prince of Peace. I've mentioned in previous posts that I am a thinker. I will analyze something to absolute death, then revive it so I can think it to death again. The idea that I can just sit back and relax and have absolute Peace is almost an alien concept to me. But in actuality it's so much more than an idea. It is and can be, for anyone who chooses, an absolute reality.

There is nothing on this planet, in all of Heaven and Earth that God hasn't already seen and dealt with. So for me, Prince of Peace, serves as a reminder - a red ribbon around my finger - so to speak, that when people, things, life in general start to get to me and I begin my process of thinking myself into an absolute state of spazziness (it's my blog, I can make up words if I want to) I can look at my wrist and remember. Jesus paid it all, and all I have to do to have total Peace is trust in Him.

He was, is and always will be my Prince of Peace.

My friend Matthew went with me to offer moral support. Ok, he really went so he could laugh at me if I cried, but hey that's what friends are for right? I didn't laugh, but I did have to try awfully hard to refrain from letting loose a few choice words so he got a laugh or two in anyway.

Matthew is a relatively new friend I met on OKCupid. He is one of the 3 fellas I mentioned in a previous post that were better suited to 'friend' category than 'date' and I have to say I am glad he's content to fill those shoes. So far he's been a pretty good friend and I'm happy to have him around.

So here are a few pictures of the process. Thank you Matt (not to be confused with Matthew) of Royal Street Tattoo for my newest art piece.

A shiny ink free wrist - the 'canvas'

Me and Matthew

Matt - the artist who funny enough does kind of resemble Matthew

The template and finished product

This morning - not so red and puffy anymore!

You can't really tell from the pictures here, but the 'letters' are outlined in black and filled in with light blue with white highlights. Since the symbols are so small Matt suggested I just have them completely filled in, but I wanted to be complicated (I know you're so suprised!) and have some color. I may eventually go with his suggestion and have it filled in later but I'll wait a while and see how it settles after it heals to see.

Some may wonder why I chose the location ~ well there are dual reasons. One, is because I'd like to find the translation of 'My Provider' and have it done on my right wrist. But the deeper and more personal reason is having it on my wrist serves as a symbol of just what Jesus voluntarily went through so I could have that Peace I so often struggle with. In light of that, anything I might face seems kind of like small potatoes.

Sex, love and gay marriage.

Or, why I think people who voted yes on Prop 8 need to get a clue.

My brain is still fried, my heart is heavy and I just can't manage to dig a coherent sentence out of my brain. Well that was one, but two would be pushing it. So I'm going to share a post that I stumbled across this morning over on My Life is a Beautiful Mess.

I dream of one day having a husband and family. That being said I am also attracted to women. I have, in the past, been in intimate situations with women. According to society, that makes me 'Bi'.

I'm not big on labels, abhor them actually, so unless some one asks I don't usually share my 'sexual preference' with people. I am also a born again, filled with the spirit CHRISTIAN. I've been saved since I was 13 and am active in my church. You may be thinking umm how can she be a Christian and be bi?!

Easy. I simply love. It wasn't easy at first, when I realized I was attracted to women I had a crisis of faith. I'd been taught my entire life that being 'gay' was an abomination and here I was - someone who loved God with all her heart feeling things that had been drilled into my head were not right to feel.

I spent a good year and a half praying, crying, reading, seeking God and begging Him to 'take away' the feelings of attraction I had for women. Long story short - He didn't. What He did do was lead me to 'study and show myself approved'. I read the Bible, I looked up references, I prayed some more and read some more and cried some more. I talked to God more that year than I probably ever have in my life and what He finally showed me was this; God IS LOVE.

He loves me as I am, He created me as I am and in His eyes, I am perfect.

Just As I Am.

People will always shun what they don't understand, what makes them uncomfortable, what is different, and that is completely understandable. But what isn't understandable or OK is making a group of people feel that they are 'less than' just because they live a different way.

As a Christian - a follower of Christ - my 'job' is to love everyone. I'm not saying I always succeed, I in fact fail often, but I do know that it is not my job to tell someone they are wrong in how they feel. It is my job to show them the love of Christ and if He has issue with something in their life, He'll take care of it.

Well that intro turned into a post in itself and I think I've depleted what little momentum I'd built up there so without further ado I give you..


10 reasons why gay marriage is wrong. (READ THE ENTIRE THING)

1. Being gay is not natural.
And real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning, tattoos, piercings and silicon breasts…

2. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay.
In the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

3. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior.
People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract. Lamps are next.

4. Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn’t changed at all.
Hence why women are still property, blacks still can’t marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

5. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed.
And we can’t let the sanctity of Britney Spears’ 55-hour just-for-fun marriage be destroyed.

6. Straight marriages are valid because they produce children.
So therefore, gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn’t be allowed to marry because our population isn’t out of control, our orphanages aren’t full yet, and the world needs more children.

7. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children.
Since, of course, straight parents only raise straight children.

8. Gay marriage is not supported by religion.
In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That’s why we have only one religion in America.

9. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home.
Which is exactly why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms.
Just like we haven’t adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

Feel free to re-post this if you believe love makes a marriage.

Can't live with 'em can't kill 'em..

Or can you?

When I first decided to jump head first into the 'wide world of dating' I asked 'Jane', gal pal, fellow blogger and One Date Wonder extraordinaire to guest post on my blog. She shared her knowledge on how to initiate first contact in online dating, the best if not most polite way to decline or deter interest from a would be suitor that you'd rather not be well suited by and several more pearls of wisdom that my dating deficit had left me not knowing.

Last night my non-existent love life got a little more complicated and my brain is in a bit of a fuzz, so I've asked Jane if I could borrow her latest post and spread a little more sage advice amongst you all. Don't worry, I'll fill you in on the latest complication soon, but for now... check out Jane's advice on how to handle a break-up.

And let me tell you - I wish I'd read this 6 years ago the 1st time my ex-fiance and I broke up. I may have saved myself about 7 more break-ups and a 2nd engagement. Then again I'm pretty hard headed so maybe not. Hope you're a better listener than I would have been ;)

Breaking up is hard to do

Unfortunately when it comes to breaking up, there is no magic bullet. No one sure fire way to erase the pain and move on. No path to avoid longing, or pain, or heart break. And no way to erase memories. It’s going to hurt. And anyone who tells you otherwise is a filthy liar. The only thing you can do is to develop a way to survive through the time it will take for your heart to mend again. And that’s what I’ve been invited here to talk about with you today. Because, of course, I have an opinion on this.

My breakup philosophy is pure and simple like the freshly fallen snow, and is called Dead To Me (DTM). DTM is a straightforward philosophy both simple in name and premise. Practice is deceptively difficult. In short, you new ex is now dead to you. No longer exists. *poof*

First you must explain DTM to all of your friends. Surely they have all been there, all love you, and all believe that ex was never good enough for you anyway. They will help to distract you, keep from talking endlessly about him, and definitely keep you from contacting him.

Regarding contact, here is the thing: Your ex is dead (to you). We do not call the dead on the telephone. We do not send the dead emails. We do not text the dead when we are drunk. The dead are beyond these means of communication. So when fully practicing DTM, all of these are automatically prohibited. As part of the DTM philosophy all of those means of contact must be erased. (Ladies seriously, in your cell phones? This includes saved voice mails, your contact list, text message history, and your recent and missed calls. I know all your tricks. Stop holding on over there.) Please also add any other means of online, telephone, cell phone, or other communication you can think of. Simple so far, right?

Unfortunately, sometimes the dead refuse to stay that way. These zombies of exes will pop up. They will want to just say hi, or be friends, or possibly have a booty call. Now listen carefully… have you ever seen those old horror flicks? The black and white ones, with the zombies? Seriously, would you go to bed with that? Hell no! Those are to be attacked with axes or burning stakes or something. Not welcomed back into your cell phone, or your MySpace, or your bed. Zombie sex…. just ick. Plus I’m sure that kissing a zombie results in you becoming undead yourself. And really, who wants that? Remember, if your pesky ex reappears, he is a zombie and is to be ignored.

On a more serious note, the last step is unfortunately the hardest. Even if you manage to stop contacting him and even if you manage not to let him wheedle his way back in, the part that no one can really help you with is making your heart forget. The purpose of DTM is to give you the room to let go. It is easy to imagine maybe things weren’t that bad and to get caught up in missing him. But for the most part, whatever did you in the first time will do you in again. That is usually the way way of things. So it is best to hold on to DTM instead of holding on to him. Hold on to your friends, not your zombie. I will not lie… it won’t be easy. But eventually, you will heal.

That's why they call it...puppy love

Someone has a boyfriend...

No it isn't me. Well who is it you ask? Bella, my Pit Bull puppy.

Something is seriously wrong when your damn dog has better luck picking up men than you do.

Anyway. Moving on.


A little over a month ago Bella and I were sitting out in the courtyard at my apartment while I was waiting for my laundry to dry. It was a gorgeous day out and I was letting her enjoy herself playing and rolling around in grass.

Well while we were soaking up the sun a guy walked up with a much bigger dog and let me tell you, it was slobber and neck biting at first butt sniff.

They ran and played and beat the crap out of each other for thirty minutes at least, then Michael; Bella's new boyfriend's dad said they needed to be getting back to their apartment, and the fun was over.

Ahh the parting was sad, both pulling at their leashes, wanting time for just one more roll in the grass, but with a promise of a later play date they finally gave in and Capone went home.

Now we have a standing agreement that whenever we see each other out the leashes come off and the slobbering commences.

Here are some pictures of the frisky pups having fun. Capone is a Pit mix, his dad is not quite sure what he's mixed with but judging from the size he is now and that he's barely over a year old I'm thinking maybe it's Great Dane. Or horse.

I guess he thought she needed a pedicure?

Capone being a gentleman, letting the lady drink first.

Michael having a chat with the puppies about proper courting behavior

**Edit** The most popular comment I get on this post is 'Does Michael have a girlfriend?' Yes he does, and a hot one at that lol. But even if he didn't, he's not really my type. So I'll just stick with worrying about our 'children' dating :)

Just another day at the office

Phase 1

You are listening to jazz -- Your first day at work is great. Your co-workers are wonderful, your cubicle is cute, and your boss is the best!

Phase 2

You are listening to pop music -- After a while you are so busy that you are not sure if you're coming or going anymore.

Phase 3

You are listening to heavy metal -- This is what you feel like at month end.

Phase 4

You are listening to hip hop -- You become bloated due to stress, feel sluggish and suffer from constipation. Your co-workers are too cheerful for your liking and the walls of your cubicle are closing in. You have started thinking 'WHATEVER' about your boss.

Phase 5

You are listening to GANGSTA RAP -- After more time passes, your eyes start to twitch, you forget what a 'good hair day' feels like as you just fall out of bed and load up on caffeine.

and Finally

Phase 6

You are listening to the voices in your head -- You have build a makeshift door on your cubicle to keep people out, You have a dartboard with your boss' picture on it in your cube, You wonder why you are even here in the first place.

This Christmas, you can be a hero too

If you've ever watched Extreme Make-over Home Edition then you already know that Sears is a company that cares about people.

Well this year they are going above and beyond. With the Sears Heroes at Home Wish Registry you can make a donation that will be used to purchase gift cards to be distributed to Military Families that have expressed a need this Christmas.

Some families have a deployed parent who will be missing Christmas with their spouse and child(ren), some have just returned home from a long tour overseas and will be spending the first Christmas with their family in years. You can read the stories of these Heroes and their families at Sears.com

These men and women have given so much so that we can have the freedom to celebrate Christmas in any way we believe. Maybe you can only donate $5, maybe you can donate $50, but every little bit will help make these families' Christmas a little more joyous.

It's my birthday and I'll cry if I want to

Well technically my birthday was Nov 24th, a week ago yesterday, but I've fallen a bit behind on blogging so I'm playing catch up today.

And I did cry on my birthday. Both happy and sad tears.

Monday was an eventful day for me in a lot of ways. Some of those ways will not be blogged about, rather they will remain a private experience between me and the other person involved.

In other ways - which I will blog about - I received flowers for the very first time in my life. ~ Happy tears.

It was also the last time I saw PT before he departed to Japan the following Thursday. ~ Very very sad tears.

We'll focus on the happy today.

A fantabulous gal I met at church a while back sent me flowers at work for my birthday. She was veery veery sneaky too, I had no idea.

Here are the flowers and I. Both smiling.

Today is Tuesday, a full week and a day later and they are still happy and smiling at me on my desk. The first picture turned out a bit blurry so I carried them into my bosses office (he gets great light from outside!) and took a better picture.






Life might not always be roses, but when you have friends like this.. you still end up smelling like flowers.

Speaking of holiday shopping..

I've never been much of a video game kind of gal and haven't actually owned one since the original Nintendo. I'm also not the kind of person to spend ridiculous amounts of money on anything electronic. I don't even own a DVD player.

But I would so give up being both of those people for this!

 

I know last Christmas there was nothing synonymous about the words cheap and Nintendo Wii, but it's been out a year and if you look hard enough you can find some fairly cheap Wii games.

And if you absolutely have to give your kid a game then making it one that will help keep them healthy is the best gift idea ever. Heck make it a family event and get healthy together.

Ladies, have a husband dealing with high blood pressure, but just won't get his tush up out of the recliner? Here's a way to get him moving and groovin' and spend time with the kids while he's at it. Don't have kids? Tempt him with a winter vacation to a ski lodge next year, one where after a fun day out on the slopes he'll find you dressed as his favorite snow bunny in front of a warm fire, if he uses the Wii Ski Slalom game to improve his skill that is. Wink Wink


I personally want it to master my currently non-existing hula hooping skill. I might eventually work my way up to the Yoga poses, but that's a big might. Baby steps people.

The dawn of a new age

As of 5 something a.m. this morning, I officially turned the ripe old age of


Since 33 is a fairly uneventful age, I thought I'd look up some things that happened the day I was born. Seems that day was pretty uneventful too.

Monday, November 24, 1975
Top News Headlines This Week:

Nov 24 - "Boccaccio" opens at Edison Theater NYC for 7 performances

Top Songs for 1975
Rhinestone Cowboy by Glen Campbell
Fly, Robin, Fly by Silver Convention
Bad Blood by Neil Sedaka
That's the Way (I Like It) by KC & the Sunshine Band
Love Will Keep Us Together by Captain & Tennille
Jive Talkin' by Bee Gees
Island Girl by Elton John
He Don't Love You by Tony Orlando & Dawn
Philadelphia Freedom by Elton John
Fame by David Bowie

US President Gerald R. Ford

Vice President Nelson A. Rockefeller

1975 Prices
Bread: $0.28/loaf
Milk: $1.40/gal US
Eggs: $1.26/doz
Car: $4,950
Gas: $0.57/gal ~>it was only about 15 cents more when I started driving 16yrs later!
House: $42,600
Stamp: $0.10/ea
Avg Income: $15,546/yr
Min Wage: $2.10/hr
DOW Avg: 852


People born on November 24
1917 - Howard Duff Bremerton Wash, actor (Flamingo Road, Knots Landing)
1868 - Scott Joplin US, entertainer/composer (The Entertainer)
1888 - Dale Carnegie author (How to Win Friends & Influence People)

Academy Award Winners
I'm taking this as a sign.
The number one movie out the year I was born was about crazy people!
Best Picture: One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest
Directed By Milos Forman
Best Actor: Jack Nicholson
in One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest
Best Actress: Louise Fletcher
in One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest


On TV in 1975M*A*S*H
The Bob Newhart Show
The Rockford Files
Little House on the Prairie
Happy Days
The Waltons
Columbo
Barney Miller
All in the Family
Emergency

Hot New Toys in 1975Evel Knievel Chopper
The Green Machine
The Archies
Hello Kitty ~> that's one old puscat
Payday
Holly Hobbie Oven
Evel Knievel Road and Trail Adventure Set
Hugo: Man of a Thousand Faces
Space: 1999 figures

Top Books in 1975The Great War and Modern Memory by Paul Fussell
A Dance to the Music of Time by Anthony Powell
Ragtime by E. L. Doctorow
M. C. Higgins, the Great by Virginia Hamilton

It's beginning to look a lot like...

Lay-a-way time!

Christmas is FAST approaching, and I do mean fast. Black Friday is just 4 days away, so for you crazy people who enjoy getting up at 3am to beat the hoards of insane shoppers you'd better get your wallets ready!

I am most definitely not one of those people. I abhor all things shopping. I know, I just lost major points from my girl card. I've just never been much of a shopper. I go in grab what I need and get the heck out.

Which is why stores like Kmart work for me. One stop shopping. Go in, grab it and get out!

They also make online shopping extremely convenient and affordable, so if you're on a budget, which I am, it's still possible to buy friends and family a pretty decent Christmas without breaking the bank.

Don't know what to get your mom, sister or best girl friend? How about a super cute Kimono Wrap Sweater!

Want to really make your girlfriend or wife feel extra special this year? Try a 1/4ct tw Diamond 5-Stone Journey Pendant and Earrings Set in 10K Yellow or White Gold.

Both at an extra 10% off if you shop online. The sale price will show up when you check out.

They're also offering an extra 10% off online purchases on

- women's plus sleepwear
- women's attention brand
- girls tops
- ALL juniors
- boys tops
- men's shirts and bottoms
- big men's shirts and bottoms
- infant and toddler bedding

That last category is one that I'm really interested in. My niece Marley is the ultimate fan of all thing princess and if this isn't a must have for a little princess I don't know what is.

The extra online discounts are only available until November 26th, so whip out your credit cards today!

In the words of George Michael...

Wake me up before you go-go,
Take me dancing tonight

So I'm never gonna dance again, guilty feet have got no rhythm,
So I'm never gonna dance again, the way I danced with you

Life's a dance you learn as you go,
Sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow

Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain,
But I'd have had to miss the dance

It’s natural
It’s chemical (let’s do it)
It’s logical
Habitual (can we do it?)
It’s sensual
But most of all ...
Sex is something..


Sorry got off track for a moment. The third and fourth ones aren't George Michael, and the last one..well my mind wandered for a moment.


Life is like a dance huh? I suppose I can see that.

I've been doing quite a bit of thinking lately {like that's something I don't already do entirely too much of} and I guess you could say I've realized that I think I'm missing the dance.

Not entirely, I mean I got all prettied up, put on my make-up, squeezed into my fancy dress and uncomfortable shoes and I went to the gymnasium, but that's where my dance stopped.

Instead of getting out on the floor and shaking my bon bon, I've stood on the sidelines and watched everyone else make fools of themselves. I watched everyone else - have fun.

I guess I should warn you now - this may be long, and it's probably going to ramble.


I've been talking to a new friend the past few days about life, how people process things in their lives and the ever nagging, yet never answered question in the back of every obsessive compulsive's mind - WHY?

Why do things happen the way they do?
Why they happen when they do?
Why do they always seem to happen to other people instead of me or vice versa?

I'm going to say something now that might sound completely ridiculous, but the people reading this who are like me, they will totally get it.

Some times being smart sucks ass. And I'm not specifically talking high IQ smart, or street smart, or book smart or any kind of smart classified by some kind of test.

I'm talking about being the kind of smart that refuses to ever ever ever let your brain rest. The kind that keeps you up because you're always thinking about something new you learned, or something you want to learn, or something you know you should have learned but didn't and can't quite figure out why you haven't.

Heck maybe that has nothing to do with being smart at all, maybe it's just my jacked up brain, but I do know I'm smart, and I honestly truly believe that if I were less intelligent, less of a 'thinking person' I'd be much more at peace with my life than I am now.


Things with PT and I are not going well. In fact they are close to falling over the edge of not going at all.

My life, the experiences I've had, my seeming inability to properly process things, and my insatiable desire to know why, how, what, when and why some more, about everything I come across just may have proven to be more than this particular 'relationship' can handle.

I've come to the conclusion that my emotional, physical and mental psyches have split personalities. Not like 'Hi Im Syble, No! I'm Syble!!' split personalities, more like opposite sides of a coin that are never able to mesh.

The Emotional: There is a part of me that is completely apathetic to life and everything in it. I don't care about work, school, friends, family, nothing. I really don't want to be bothered to hear about your day or how you're feeling. I just. don't. care.

Then there is a part that is, in the recent words of an old school friend, 'a brilliant empath'. I feel everything. About everything. I can read someone in a second just by looking at them and feel everything they feel, and desire to reach out in any way I can to help.

The Mental: It is what it is. Crap happens. Put on your big girl panties, deal with it and move on.

Why? Why did that happen? Why did he say that? Is that what he meant or was he trying to be nice? What if I were like that person, would I have more friends? Why, Why, Why?

The Physical: The physical I think is a combination of all three; physical, mental and emotional. On one hand I'm the nice girl, the good girl who believes in love and commitment and happily every after. That sharing yourself with someone is special and that someone can melt your soul with a kiss.

Then there's the girl who just wants to f**k. No strings, no attachments, no feelings, just physical, physical, physical. Wham, bam, thank you - you get the point.

In 32 years of life I have yet to figure out how to get any of those two sides of myself to peacefully coexist.

I lack the ability to deal in shades of gray. I'm either all one, or all the other, but never a healthy combination of any.

So - PT.

When PT and I first started talking I did not allow myself to be interested. He was young and I just wasn't going to go there. But he was cute and charming and funny and I finally said what the heck.

So we went out and if you haven't already done so, you can read about the absolutely most perfect first date ever -here-.

The instant I met him something just clicked in me and I felt safe. I felt completely at ease, comfortable, good. I felt good about myself, I felt like I could be who I was, issues and all, and he would not look at me any differently.

I have to tell you, that is NOT something I feel often. I have only ever felt like that with one other person in my life and that was my ex-fiance. I'll let the EX part speak for itself.

So in talking to the friend I mentioned earlier and things PT has said, I've begun to realize that part of the reason things have gone so drastically wrong is how I reacted to that safe feeling.

When you go through your life never really feeling like you fit, never feeling like you belong in any group, or that anyone ever really understands you, and then you find someone who gives you that missing feeling you want to grab on to it for all it's worth.

So in trying too hard to 'keep a good thing' once I'd found it, I've inadvertently succeeded in pushing it away.

Right now things are very tense. He feels smothered, but he's leaving in a week so I want to cling. I've tried to back off and just be a friend, but everyone is different and it seems that where this is one of the times that my mental processing switches to the 'ok crap happened, move on' setting, he needs time to sort things out and get past stuff that's already happened before he can move on to everything 'being ok'. It sucks, and I'm sad and angry and hurt and confused and yet hopeful all at the same time.

I'm angry that my lack of male/female social interaction growing up has left me ill equipped to deal with situations like these.

I'm confused about why I can't seem to be ok with 'not knowing why'. Why I always push and push and push instead of just standing back and letting things happen in their own time.

I'm hurt and sad that my actions have caused him stress and anxiety.

Yet, I'm hopeful, because in spite of all of my spazzing out he still hasn't given up on me.

He's leaving this Thursday for Japan and we'll email. Maybe not as much as I'd like, and definitely not as much as the talking every day we have been doing, but it's something, and for now, in the bigger picture of how things have been and how they could have turned out - it's more than enough.

Holding on.... just barely

Life has been pretty turbulent the past few weeks. I've not really blogged about anything that means anything in a while and that's mainly the reason why.

I just don't know what to say.

So instead of trying to dig past all of the scramble that is my brain of late and find something intelligible to say I'm going to let the guys from Lifehouse say it for me.

This song is a fairly accurate (read exact) description of how I feel lately.

I just pray something changes, and soon before barely holding on becomes losing my grip.

The Broken clock is a comfort
It helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow
From stealing all my time
And I am here still waiting
Though I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best
Like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating
In the pain
There is healing
In your name
I find meaning
So I'm holding on
I'm barely holding on to you

The broken locks were a warning
You got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded
I'm an open book instead
And I still see your reflection
Inside of my eyes
That are looking for purpose
They're still looking for life

I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating
In the pain
Is there healing
In your name
I find meaning
So I'm holding on
I'm barely holding on to you

I'm hanging on another day
Just to see what, you will throw my way
And I'm hanging on, to the words you say
You said that I will, will be okay
The broken light on the freeway
Left me here alone
I may have lost my way now
But I haven't forgotten my way home

I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating
In the pain
There is healing
In your name
I find meaning
So I'm holding on
Barely holding on to you
Barely holdin on to you

The Persistent Puerto Rican strikes again

Yesterday a yahoo messenger window pops up and the following conversation ensued.

PPR (11/17/2008 10:23:14 AM): Yoyo
Dmpl Grl (11/17/2008 10:23:18 AM): morning
PPR (11/17/2008 10:23:35 AM): I want some head
Dmpl Grl (11/17/2008 10:26:45 AM): I want a lot of things
PPR (11/17/2008 10:27:58 AM): I wanna leave a seed up in one of these white girls
Dmpl Grl (11/17/2008 10:28:17 AM): why - you want a baby?
PPR (11/17/2008 10:29:43 AM): Yes
Dmpl Grl (11/17/2008 10:30:01 AM): just squirting in some random chic isn't the best way to go about that sweetie
PPR (11/17/2008 10:30:32 AM): I know
PPR (11/17/2008 10:30:39 AM): So have nominated u
PPR (11/17/2008 10:30:44 AM): Lol
Dmpl Grl (11/17/2008 10:30:46 AM): nice
PPR (11/17/2008 10:30:47 AM): Lol
PPR (11/17/2008 10:30:51 AM): Kidding
Dmpl Grl (11/17/2008 10:30:58 AM): no shit


This this morning


Ring - ring

Me: What?
PPR: So what's up
Me: Let me guess, you're in town, leaving the chic's house and want to stop by.
PPR: Ah come on now - it's not like that. Yea I am in town, but I thought maybe we could get some breakfast and hang out for a few.

five more minutes of random BS....

Me: What is it that makes you think I'll ever change my mind and decide to become a part of your harem?
PPR: I like you.
Me: You don't KNOW me.
PPR: Well one day you're going to need it. And I want to be the one to give it to you, I'd give you the royal treatment. I mean I give all the ladies the royal treatment, but for you, you get the royal royal treatment.
Me:
PPR: Ok you suck, I just thought we could hang out, get some breakfast and stuff.
Me:


Then one of us dropped the call and I went and stood under the shower for half an hour wondering why, why is it that I have guys like this coming out of the wood work but the one guy my scrambled heart and brain decided to connect with doesn't like me back.

Parting is such sweet sorrow..

Only I'm not finding anything sweet about it

It's been a while since I've blogged about the goings between PT and myself. There is a very good reason for that, and it's not because nothing has been going on, it has. Sort of.

No, the reason I haven't written about him lately is because he's moving.

To Okinawa Japan. On freaking Thanksgiving day. And

Way to ruin a holiday.

In a few weeks I will go from having been able to talk to him pretty much every day, either via text or on the phone to what I dread will ultimately result in the occasional e-mail.

I've been trying to put off talking about this for as long as I can to delay the inevitable sob fest that will most definitely occur upon his departure.

I'm not going to do the whole catch up on what's been happening thing today, but it's been a while since I've mentioned him so I did want to give a basic update.

In a nutshell -

Girl is single for wayyyyyyyyy too long
Guy asks girl out
Girl says yes
Guy gives girl the absolute best first date ever
Girl falls in total crush with guy
Guy tells girl "You're cool & I'd really like to get to know you but I'm moving"
Girl and guy hang out anyway, make out, hang out, etc.
Guy moves - Across the WORLD!
Girl falls apart
Guy and girl email now and then

Of the last three, the first and second are a certainty, the very last one - we'll see. I'm trying to be positive and see this is an opportunity to really get to know each other without all that crazy physical chemistry that keeps getting in the way. And he's not moving forever, just a year or two while he finishes school, so truly God Himself only knows what may happen down the road, but I do know for sure I'm going to miss him like crazy.

Once the departure date has passed and I can manage to go an hour or two without blubbering like a completely besotted idiot, I'll go more into detail about everything that's happened and why he's moving to, of all places, Japan. Until then....

Dewa mata
後で会おう

Here comes Santa Claus

I had to make a visit to the 9th circle of hades last night, also known as Wal-mart, to take my mom grocery shopping, and as we walked in the doors right smack in the middle of the walk way was a Christmas Tree.

Thanksgiving hasn't even made it yet and stores are already pushing sleigh bell door knockers and blinking lawn deer.

Last year my sister informed me that I was being placed in charge of making sure Santa sent a letter to my niece every year. Santa, of course, being me. Well my handwriting sucks and I have no idea what Santa would say to a kid so I hopped online to see if I could find a service that specialized in such a thing.

Lucky me there is. It's a neat idea really. They send a hand written letter on 'official' Santa stationary, and the envelope has a North Pole post mark. I know as we get older we eventually lose our child like believe in Jolly Old St. Nick, but I still think it's important to keep the dream alive for kids as long as we can.

Last year I didn't find the site in time to order, but this year Marley will definitely be getting a Letter From Santa.

Fureakin Burrrrrrrrrr

It is absolutely FREEZING in my office!!

That's all.

Who needs a purse?

When you can just wear pants with 17432 pockets in them!

His tactical pants are a little short though..

More bang for your buck! Thats what you get with the NEW Operator Tactical Pants ™ by Operator Tactical Apparel ™. More comfort, more pockets, more maneuverability.

With over 20 years experience in law enforcement and the military, Operator Tactical Apparel knows how to make pants. After countless hours at the drawing board, customer surveys, endless piles of sample pants, and tons of revisions OTA is proud to present The Operator Tactical Pants ™.

These pants are LOADED with features. Similar pants by big name companies cost twice as much and do not have as many features as our Operator Tactical Pants ™. How can they sell these pants at such a low price?? Simple - they cut out the big name middle man and went factory-direct. And in typical OTA fashion they are passing the savings on to you.

To find out more visit www.operator-tactical-pants.com

And the gold star goes to...

The Persistent Puerto Rican.

A few months ago this guy messaged me on POF. If you're new to my blog and haven't been following my dating misadventures - first of all Welcome!, secondly POF is short for Plenty of Fish, a dating website I signed up on a while back.

So this guy, who from here on out will be known as PPR, short for the Persistent Puerto Rican, messages me on POF. We talk back in forth in email a few times, move to Yahoo IM, then exchange numbers. Communication with PPR is some what sparse. He'll text me or message me maybe 3 to 5 times a month to say hi, what's up, or more often 'you should come over'.

PPR lives on the coast in Mississippi, which is about a 45-55 minute drive from Mobile, so it's pretty funny to me that he'd really think there would be any possibility of me just hopping on over there for some booty, no matter good I'm sure it would be.

I don't know how much you know about the Puerto Rican culture, or Latinos in general but they are, for the most part, very passionate people. They are also usually very confident and quite bold in their approach.

PPR is no different. From the very beginning he was clear that he was interested in 'hooking up'. A phrase that he seems to be fond of is 'beat the brakes off of it'. So klassy.

Guys like PPR don't bother me. I would much rather a man be up front about his intentions than act all respectful and nice guy like to lure you into thinking they are genuine, then blind side you down the road when they turn out to be a total jerk.

Plus he has a habit of mixing English and Spanish when he talks and has an incredibly sexy accent so I'd chat with him for that alone.

Anyway, so the other morning at 5:50am my phone rings. I was only half awake and not really thinking yet so I answered it. It was PPR. Turns out he's in town and wanted to 'stop by' to meet and say hi.

Just in case you read over it too quickly for it to sink in let me repeat something for you. It was 5:50 AM! I'm in bed, half asleep, hair all wild, haven't cleared the goo from my eyes yet and this guy wants to just come on by?!?

I start off by asking him if he's lost his ever loving mind. Although, I think what I actually said was 'Are you Crazy?!' I told him I was still in bed, so he says 'that's ok, I can come crawl in behind you and rub your back for you'.

Again with the 'Are you crazy?!'

I found myself being more amused that he would think this particular call might actually prove successful than I was irritated at being called at the butt crack of dawn. So I tell him then that I had to get up in a few to shower and get ready for work, trying to hint in a round about way without exactly saying so that I didn't want him to come over.

'That's OK too, I can come soap your back for you'

If I gave out gold stars for persistence this guy would have gotten like five of them. Right then.

By this point curiosity had gotten the better of me and I ask him what he's doing in Mobile at 5am. He works for a phone company doing customer service and tech support so I knew he travels sometimes, but I didn't think Mobile was in his service area. Turns out he'd come over the night before to 'beat the brakes' off this 'shorty' that he's been seeing and was just leaving her house when he called me.

Yes I'm serious.

I'll give you a moment...




I know, right?!

So I start cracking up, and the funniest thing is that he's totally serious. He's not 'dating' this chic, he's just 'servicing her needs' and sees absolutely nothing wrong what-so-ever with calling me right after he leaves her house.

I've told him repeatedly that I am in no way, shape or form interested in allowing myself to become another notch on his bed post, and he keeps saying that it's cool, we don't have to hook up, he just wants to hang out and get to know each other.

Well ya know, someone once told me there's some really cheap ocean front property in Arizona....

I didn't buy that either.

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I mean Seriously?...

I think I may really need to just give up on dating altogether. Between the thing with PT, which I've been putting off blogging about again but will soon; the nutso film guy wanna be that I blogged about here, a phone call I received from the Persistent Puerto Rican this morning at freaking 5:45am which I'll blog about after this and the IM I received this morning I've about reached my I've had enough point.

I'm sitting at my desk, going through my morning routine of checking out people.com for my daily dose of celebreality, when the little window pops up on my yahoo messenger showing that someone has requested to add me to their messenger friends.

I know I put my messenger ID on POF and Okcupid for people to be able to talk to me, but you can message someone without adding them as a friend. It's called a 'friend' for a reason. The people who are on my messenger are people I don't mind talking to on a regular or at least some what regular basis. It may just be me but I think it's kind of rude to just go adding people without asking them first if they mind.

So anyway - here's the very brief and spastic conversation that proceeded. Once again I've changed the userid to protect the privacy of the fella involved.

Overeager Boy: hey i saw you on pof i was gonna send a message but i live further than 75 miles
Overeager Boy: i am 29/m/troy,al no kids never been married
Dmpl Grl: Good morning
Overeager Boy: sorry to bother you i see you at work i hope we can tlk ltr
Overeager Boy: good morning
Dmpl Grl: no bother lol I don't actually do much "work" at work
Overeager Boy: hahaha well i sometimes go to my brothers shop but its bout to go outta business so i am lookin for other job as well
Overeager Boy: just so you know i live with my father at this time tryin to get a loan and money for a car i was goin out with a girl things didnt work out
Overeager Boy: so now i live here and my car was fallin to pieces in stopped runnin but i know this sounds bad
Overeager Boy: im a good guy
Overeager Boy: lol
Overeager Boy: i justs want someone to give all my love too
Overeager Boy: so tell me bout you
Dmpl Grl: wow slow down tiger lol
Overeager Boy: lol
Overeager Boy: coffee
Overeager Boy: lol
Overeager Boy:
Overeager Boy:
Overeager Boy: well you gonna be on i am doin laundry bout to get a shower maybe we can tlk ltr i would like tht
Dmpl Grl: I leave my messenger on while I'm at work most of the time - I'm never on after work
Overeager Boy: have a great oh
Overeager Boy: well i want to tlk to you
Overeager Boy: ahh can i call you
Overeager Boy: i live hours away from mobile i have a internet phone
reason i am askin its free
Overeager Boy: for me
Dmpl Grl: I'm sorry I don't give out my number until I've talked to someone online for quite some time
Overeager Boy: yeha thts cool i didnt mean it like tht im just gettin off of
here maybe we can tlk ltr ok take care have a great day but i have to go check clothes ttyl be good i will be back ltr cause i want to tlk and you a pretty woman
Overeager Boy:
Dmpl Grl: I think you may be just a little too hyper for me. Thank you though for the compliment. Have a good day!
Overeager Boy: no i have been up all night went with a friend to work at this motel i havent slept since sunday night but i am about to go to bed after i get a shower im sorry i didnt mean to come across tht way hopefully we can tlk ltr i have made a ass outta myself take care
Overeager Boy:

I mean seriously. Is meeting a nice, intelligent, decent, calm guy, that I'm attracted to asking too much?

My online-dating coach and self-professed One Date Wonder, Jane Wonder says that I'm not giving guys a fair chance. That maybe because of the thing with PT, I may be holding myself back.

I've gone on one date with another guy since the 'best first last date ever' with PT and while he was really nice and cute, there was just no attraction for me. He didn't talk much, was too shy and I just really wasn't into him. I've met another guy who I still talk to and will continue to be friends with, but there's no attraction with him either. There's a 3rd guy who I've been talking to in email and text, yet again -no attraction on my part.

Then there's the Persistent Puerto Rican who I'll blog about after this - but attraction or no I'm not going there!

I know everything happens for a reason, but I'm having a really hard time understanding why, after 5 years, out of all the guys I meet when I finally decide to start dating, the one I really like would have to be the one who wasn't looking for a relationship and is moving across the world in 3 weeks. :(

Sigh