Support & Appreciation

Previous Musings

Look Who Stopped By

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Finding Love Over 30

A more apt title might be - you're single because you suck and you're too old to find a date so get over it!

I was checking my Myspace this morning and there is always some kind of banner ad some where on the screen. I've noticed lately though that one seems to be showing up more often than others. I wonder if it (or God) is trying to tell me something?

Here's the ad

**Guess next time I'll actually save the image instead of linking to the website - this banner is unfortunately no longer available for viewing =(

Two things come to mind every time I see this banner.
1. Is finding a nice single guy or gal who not only says they are Christian but also acts like it that hard?
2. Why over 30? Is that the age when being single becomes a real problem? It there some unspoken rule that says
"OK, you've had 29yrs to find Mr or Mrs Right and well darlin' you obviously have no clue what you're doing and in about 3 years you're going to be old so let us help you before it's too late"
Question 1 - Is is difficult to find real single Christians?In my personal opinion and limited experience the answer is yes. You'd think that just going to church would yield a wide range of attractive, intelligent single men and women who are interested and eager in meeting other attractive, intelligent single men and women. You'd think.

Maybe I'm going to the wrong church but from what I've seen single people between the ages of 27-36 (ish) are near to non existent. They are either married, divorced, going through a divorce, have kids (don't get me wrong I love kids, it's baby momma drama I can do without) or well not attractive.

I know, I know.. you're saying, "Now Mollie - if you're a good Christian then looks won't be that important to you. It's what inside that really matters". To that I say, if you ever really truly believe that looks don't matter then you're not a good Christian.. you're a saint. Now I'm not Catholic so I'm not very versed on the saints but last I heard there was no Saint Mollie.

I've addressed my opinion on looks in a previous post and I'll say it again here. Personality is great and I'll even go so far to say that having compatible personalities is a requirement for a relationship to work, but I'd be lying my tail off if I said that being physically attracted to someone is something I can do without. If you go to bed every night thinking Oh I love him so much! He's so sweet, and kind, and funny, and caring, and etc and so on but Damn I wish he was cute then you're destined for failure. Trust me, I'm speaking from experience.

That's not to say that unattractive people don't find love. Everyone is beautiful to someone, I truly believe that. I just want to be with someone who is beautiful to ME.

So aside from the issues I just mentioned there are the "Christian" guys who just don't believe that you are really Not interested in heavy making out or having sex with them in the first few weeks (or hours!) of meeting. Call me old fashioned but my body is a temple. Yes there were a few months several years ago when I didn't think that way, but where I am at spiritually now, in this particular place in life, I believe that my body isn't mine to just give to anyone for a few hours (if I'm lucky) of feeling good. I am a child of God and as such I deserve and demand respect. If you can't be bothered to take the time to get to know who I am as a person then I'm sorry bud, you surely don't deserve to get to know what I'm like in bed. (Wild & Crazy grr)

Then there are the problems with denominations. Catholics believe and teach one thing, Pentecostal another, Methodist, Lutherans.. I could go on and on. Heck you even see different teachings within the same denomination. You've got Southern Baptist, Freewill Baptist, this kind of Lutheran, that kind of Lutheran.. it's ridiculous.

They all read the same Book yet they all have a different belief system. Most all agree that Christ was the Son of God, born of a virgin, crucified then rose again. After that.. psh it's a free for all. And they all believe that THEIR way is the ONLY way and all other ways are wrong.

Call me crazy (you wouldn't be the first) but to me, what I believe the true meaning of Christianity is, the way I try to live my life, is simply following the example of Christ. Living a life of love. Stopping to ask, before every thought, word or action "What would love do", "How would love handle this". Not about judging or condemning or separating anyone and everyone for their race, sex, sexual preference or religious affiliation. We're all just people. The same. Connected. Sadly enough, I've yet to find a church that teaches that message.

They'll teach love and forgiveness, then spout off that homosexuals are an abomination against God and we should "show them" the error of their ways. I'm sorry but who have you EVER met that's not once "erred" and who's to say what's wrong or right. We're all stumbling along trying to find our way. Instead of picking out things to dislike and judge each other for we should spend that energy on showing love and acceptance to everyone. Regardless.

OK I could go on for days about that particular subject so I'll move on to question 2.

Why over 30?

Why indeed. I may be a bit of a minority (at least my mom says so) in having only ever had one relationship. I don't believe in what I call serial dating. Just going out with a bunch or even a few people at the same time to see who you like best. To me it's well wrong. Maybe I got my view of love from those old Harlequin Romance novels I used to read as a teen, but I want the kind of love that is all encompassing. I want to be the most important thing (er person) in someones life and I don't think you can get that by going out with this guy on Tuesday, that guy on Friday then another guy the Wednesday after that. It takes too much energy and effort to really connect with one person much less 3 or more.

I mentioned before that a guy friend of mine told me that the way dating "works" is that you go out with anyone that asks you, even if you're not attracted to them. Get to know them so you can meet their friends. Then you meet their friends, friends and maybe one of them will be someone you can connect with.

Maybe it's a part of my OCD, but I see most things in black and white. There are very few areas for me that have shades of gray and this isnt' one of them. To me, and me is who we're talking about here, dating like that is dishonest. You're going out with someone you are completely unattracted to, knowing full well that they are interested in you, just so you can see if they have a hot friend. I don't know about you but I'd be pretty pissed if someone went out with me just to see if I had any cuter friends.

What does any of that have to do with being single over 30? I honestly have no idea. lol I lost track of where I was going with that. I told you this is a passionate topic for me.

Anyway over 30. Am I the only early 30 something that feels like people my age act anything but?

You have the 30 somethings who still act like they're in their early twenties. Hitting the club every weekend, going out getting trashed, picking up considerably younger umm companions for some random fun. No thanks.

Then you have the what I like to call "yuppie bunch". No offense to you if you fit in this (or any) category. It's just not my kind of life. These are the 30somethings who meet in upscale martini bars to get sloshed and pick up younger umm companions for random fun. The only difference is they wear nicer clothes, drive more expensive cars and act like they're living a real life version of Sex and the City. Again No thanks.

Then you have the 30 somethings who who act like they're 50. They live boring uneventful lives. The most exciting part of their day is pulling a frozen dinner out of the fridge. Oh wait that sounds a little like me. Well not exactly, I mean I cook and I do stuff. Like I go to the library and check out books to read and I go to the movies and the park. I love the park. Oh and I went to a baseball game last year!

So I'm not a party animal or a martini kind of gal. Still there has to be someone out there who likes the same things and lives a similar lifestyle to me that's not in their late 40's or upper 50's. I mean somewhere there is.. right?

I actually had to put a note on my yahoo personal profile saying that the specifications people choose on their profile are chosen for a reason and request that others who are also looking for love respect that everyone has their own preferences to please contact other members accordingly. I kept getting guys the same age as my parents sending me messages. I'm not interested in dating my parents. Or anyone close to their age. Yech!

I don't know, I'm sure most people would say I'm entirely too picky but I mean I'm looking for someone to spend the Rest of my life with. Shouldn't I have a few requirements?

Here's me - and the kind of guy I'd like to find in a nutshell.

Age:32 doesn't smoke or drink (not even socially)

Enjoys: Movies, music, dancing, reading, nature, photography, social activism, sports, art, intelligent and controversial conversation, and about a million other things

Beliefs: God is a very important part of my life. Non-denominational Christian. Spiritual but NOT religious. Technically bisexual but I don't like labels. Yes Christian.. yes bisexual. There is such a thing and God IS OK with it.

Personality: sarcastic and/or dry humor, honest and direct, strong willed, opinionated, ridiculously loyal, loves deeply and completely, gives 110%, not into casual sex or encounters, not likely to kiss on first date.
Age: 27 to 36ish doesn't smoke, doesn't drink or only drinks socially (No lushes)

Enjoys: All of the above, or at least some of it. Music and movies are a must. It helps if he can dance too!

Beliefs: Believing in God is pretty important. It's hard to live a life with someone who has opposite beliefs. Open minded and non-judgemental.

Personality: sarcastic, intelligent, zest for life, and that stuff I said about myself, but also kind, compassionate, caring, independent, stable oh and employed. Ya employed is a big one.
Am I crazy to think that I'm asking too much? I don't think so. I take commitment very seriously and if I'm going to give myself heart and soul to someone for the rest of my life, well then damn it I want it to be right.

If this yahoo thing doesn't work out I'd love to hear if you have any friends who meet all or at least some of the above criteria. Cmon.. I'm really a nice girl. Honest. :-)

3 People who coughed on a furball:

Anonymous said...

No, I think that pretty well sums it up. I don't think that you're too picky. Here were my standards when I was single:

1. Taller than me
2. Older than me.
3. College Educated
4. Is gainfully employed.

My husband jokes, "Yes, you had low standards" I said, do you know how hard it was to find someone that matched all that?!

Mollie said...

The taller and older part I don't think I'll have a problem with. I'm short and like I said the old ones seem to like me most lol

College educated and gainfully employed surprisingly enough doesn't seem to be real "in" these days!

Anonymous said...

Hi... I'm hitting the 30s soon and still searching for the one. Yes, those around us always assume we're picky. It gets depressing cos we aren't.
Anyway, I've tried
You may want to give it a try too.

All the best! :)